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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Where to start?!?

7 replies

Goioe · 22/01/2020 08:51

We have been separated for a few months now and just about making it work splitting our time between the family home and our parents/friends but the situation is far from ideal and can’t continue much longer. I don’t even know where to start. I have read many of the threads here which has been helpful but can’t find anything close enough to the full picture.

We’ve been married for 7 years and have two DC who are 8 and 4. He earns £130k plus decent bonuses, usually 20% and I earn £25k working part time, 30 hours a week. We have about £100k in equity on a £300k house. My pension is about £80k and his £20k (his is relatively new, mine is long standing but have been paying in longer and I’m 5 years older)

We’re going to aim for a 50/50 split on time with the kids. He may end up dropping a day a week to accommodate that.

My first question is what usually happens with the house here? We could sell and the deposits would be enough to buy elsewhere, but I can’t afford to get a mortgage on my own and repayments would be tough. He suggested I find a way to keep the house, but I can’t think of a way to do that without tying up his half of the equity until the kids are gone and I can downsize, (or meet someone else) which is obviously a long way off.

My second question is about maintenance. With such a big income disparity but 50/50 childcare can I expect anything? CM calculator suggests £700ish depending on a couple of factors which would actually bridge the gap for me, but I understand this is advisory only? And how are things like bonuses handled?

I just want to find a fair starting point for discussion so we can move on. Any advice, guidance or help would be very appreciated!

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 22/01/2020 08:55

My advice is to talk, talk, talk. Depending on where you live, how much money to buy a modest house? It will be reasonable for you to get the equity and to get help from him for the mortgage on top of any child maintenance due to the income differential

Goioe · 22/01/2020 09:15

Okay that’s positive! Not what I was expecting. If I could keep the equity I could probably stay in the house. £300k gets you a reasonable 3 bed around here either way.

But I’d be taking all the equity, my pension and asking for him to help with the mortgage on top of child maintenance payments, I can’t see him going for that as he'd essentially be walking away with nothing, be forced to rent a place big enough for him and the kids and pay me up to 1/3 his income. That would be perfect for me (apart from relying on him long term) so maybe this is a good place to start?

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 22/01/2020 10:17

Where there's an income difference of this magnitude then it's normal to negotiate a private arrangement, cms is a minimum and won't apply if it's a 50/50 childcare split. He has a duty to ensure his dc are housed to a certain extent, in my experience I got far more than the minimum just by keeping calm and not being grabby.

millymollymoomoo · 22/01/2020 12:04

I don’t think you’d get 100% if the house plus your pension plus ongoing spousal tbh but I’m not a lawyer

You also need to look to increase your income and look at full time

Goioe · 22/01/2020 13:03

Helpful comments, thanks. I think my starting point will be a fair bit higher now.

I could probably get up to full time hours fairly quickly but it would add a lot of childcare cost. I have considered it though.

OP posts:
waterSpider · 22/01/2020 15:09

CMS is still the operative agency up until £150k earnings. He could argue for zero maintenance if childcare is truly 50/50 ... or the CMS calculator would apply if a whisker short of that. Bonuses are part of income, with calculation based on the past year's taxable earnings.

Settlement could go a number of ways so it is better to agree a strategy if you can. Can spend lots of solicitors arguing about this, but not out of the question that he gets nothing, other than his high salary.

Goioe · 22/01/2020 15:48

It’s crazy there’s no set approach. I guess everyone has different things to consider.

Getting in to an expensive battle is a big worry here as we don’t have any savings or any assets other than the house so anything spent on solicitors will eventually be coming out of the house equity anyway. I’d always assumed 50/50 was the starting point from reading a few threads here, but if I can push for more I can make it work and keep the house. Just need to find a balance that works and avoids drawing this out and gives us a chance at a clean break.

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