DH taking children on visits to his home country

[Earlgrey19]

Thinking of divorce, so this is hypothetical, but DH is from Australia. He’s understandably keen for the kids to see his family. His Dad can’t travel for health reasons. His sister has 4 kids and can’t afford it. We’ve been a few times as a family, What kind of rights would he have to take the children abroad for several weeks at a time? They are young (2&5), though they’d be a bit older by time we divorced, but still young to go that long without me.

He’d need your permission in writing in theory although I don’t know how that’s enforced without a court order. Some people say they have been asked to show it at an airport but I never have - although only went abroad once with kids alone when they were younger than teens (and I was still married then). Nobody seems to check if you have teenagers.

I’m foreign, my exH is English. Separated 5 years ago, the divorce came through last year.
I have taken DD abroad on my own 2-3 times a year without his written consent, sometimes even without his knowledge ( it sort of was implicit, we’ve been spending May and October half term at my mum’s for years, I assumed he knew we were going, never asked him). But there’s never been any fowl play from my part, never did it to take DD away from him or punish or nothing like that, it’s simply something I’ve been doing since DD was 6 months old, that’s where my family is.
Since we split up, I never told him we’re going on holiday or to see my mum, his contact with DD is at best sporadic, not sure he ever cared.

What I am saying is: keep your kids’ passport close, both UK and Aussie one if they have it, if you are worried he might do a runner. Otherwise, let him take them.

Come to think of it, exH took DD abroad once since we split up, but DD was 13-14 I think, never crossed my mind to question this.

I was told that ex needed a letter from me to say he could take DD on holiday last summer abroad. As he was refusing to give me the money back from cancelling my place despite me paying for the holiday, I said no. They still went and no one apparently asked. DD is a teenager though so may make a difference...

Well it works both ways. Without a court order either of you could prevent the other from taking the children on holiday. You do it to him and he can stop you going to Euro Disney. So be careful what you gear up to in dealing with this.

Ideally you should agree something as part of the access and divorce settlements. Autonomy to take the children away for 2 weeks every summer and something about half term. Then allow for maybe a three week break every so often that he can go to Australia with them.

If he wanted to do a runner with them he could. He just wouldn’t tell you in advance and you couldn’t be sure were he goes.

Please don’t be daunted by periods of separation. It’s a blessing. You can manage child care over the holidays more cheaply and have some time for yourself.

He kids will be fine, this isn't about their welfare is it? I suggest that in your child agreement you have an arrangement where either of you can take the kids for up to 1 month per calendar year for holidays (either as a block or two separate trips) .

OP please get advice from Global Arrk, a charity you can contact on Facebook or look up online. You need to be very very careful when letting children travel to Australia in this kind of scenario. My kids are now being raised by their father in another country due to me trying to be fair to someone I was about to divorce. Hopefully your stbxh is nothing like mine but forewarned is forearmed.

Are you worried about him not returning them or simply them missing you/ you them ?
Do you have reason to believe that’s the case otherwise it’s perfectly reasonable that he’s allowed to take them