Costs of accommodation upon separating

[SoUnsettled2]

Hi,
I’m not sure how much longer I can keep up with my marriage. I am deeply unhappy, living in a loveless/sexless marriage to an older man (10 years). We own, outright, a 4 bedroomed detached house and I rent a room down south for my job as I work away part of the week.
Problem is, I want to leave in the summer (once my eldest has finished his exams) but I’ll need to rent somewhere here big enough for myself and the 2 children (although, we would probably share them). I can’t see how I can pay rent for another place, rent south and pay bills on the family home. Obviously, the family home would be sold and it would sell for enough to buy 2 smaller houses. But, is it fair that I have to fund 3 properties while he funds one?

What has happened to anyone in these circumstances?

How amicable is your separation likely to be, do you think? If you work away and there’s no sex or affection in the marriage then I’d take a guess that your H is as miserable as you are and knows full well the marriage is on its last legs: he might be as relieved as you to take steps to end it.

If you could remain amicable until the family home sells then living together but separately in it when you’re not working away would be the most settled option financially and would mean stability for your DC. If you don’t think that’s possible, H could also rent a room in the same area as the family home which he lives in on the days you don’t work away and then returns to the family home when you go back away to work.

Alternatively, if there’s no chance of reaching an amicable agreement then unfortunately you’ll just have to suck up the cost of renting another place for yourself for when you aren’t down south. You wouldn’t need to pay the bills on the family home if you did, though - those would be for your H to cover if you weren’t spending any time there, your responsibility would be bills in the places you live and the costs of your DC when they were with you.

How old are the children?