Separating, need emotional support

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We have been married 20 years, we are separating , I have been asking for a while and he has finally agreed. He didn’t not agree before just wouldn’t say anything or discuss it, just mope about and be miserable making home life sad and stressful. I’ve tried to shield the children from how unhappy our relationship is but they can see what it’s like and I don’t want them to ever think it’s ok to accept living with less than you deserve or put up with someone else’s bad behaviour. So I’m happy about the split and think it is the only way forward and can see a happier future. The problem is I still love him, in that if he were to smile at me or show me some kindness my heart would race and tummy full of butterflies, that still happens after all these years, but those two things hardly ever happen and haven’t for the whole of our relationship, I’m sure he has never loved me the same way I love him. I’ve accepted he never will and I need to move on but am worried m heart will ache for him when he’s gone and I know I must not see him. When we separated before he was constantly round , we had lots of sex and he was a better partner than he has been, that stopped as soon as he moved back in. This time I must not see him and make a proper break , only have contact for the children. Has anyone experienced similar?

Some of what you post sounds so similar to my experience. I just wanted to say you are doing the right thing. I absolutely finally decided to separate when I realised my daughter and son would think this is what a relationship is like and they (and I!) deserved more. You are brave and it will definitely make you and them happier in the long term. Keep posting and keep strong x

NoPinkPlease- thank you for for saying that, I know it’s the right thing to do and I’ve learnt to be self reliant emotionally because I have had to, but feel like I’ve put a barrier on how bad and alone I’ve felt for so long that I’m worried about feeling anything again and it will be overwhelming. I’m not sure if that makes sense but I have felt very alone throughout our marriage and once he’s gone the resentment might end and I’ll feel so sad for the wasted years. I’ve had to not think about it and pretend everything has been ok and I’m not sure why I have let it go on for so long .almost like I can feel the sadness coming when I need to be feeling stronger than ever to be able to start a new life and go forward .

My h has left this week. I was lonely in the relationship and yet I still feel sad and lonely. I feel very sad for the fact it didn't work and the upset it has caused our children.
I was driving home tonight and saw lots of couples and I thought I couldn't imagine ever being with someone again and I cried because I thought I'm just as lonely now.
Hopefully it's just a blip and I will adjust to my new norm.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is it won't be easy whatever you do. You just have to prepare yourself for the situation as best you can.

Yes thank you Livandme, I’m sorry you are feeling so sad too. I haven’t felt sad for a long time just resentful and angry then relieved and happy now I know he’s going to move out, so the sadness has caught me unawares. I suppose that a lot of different feelings need working through when you’ve been suppressing them for a long time.