New partner relocating

[Mozza1981]

Any advice will be much appreciated.

I have separated from my wife and am in a new relationship with someone so lives 100 miles away.
She has 2 children (8&6) and is separated from her husband (Not divorced yet).
I share parental responsibility of my 2 children 50/50.
I would like my new partner to relocate to live with me but am worried that her ex can stop her meaning we cannot be together. I work shifts which means if I relocate I will find it hard to see my children on weekends due to my days off often calling within the week. I only have 2 weekends off in every 8 weeks.

What is the likelihood of my new partners ex being able to stop her and her children moving?
Her parents live near her and she obvious has a job there that she would have to leave.

I support my ex-wife who still lives in our house. She has a part time job but I am still on the mortgage of the house as she couldn't afford it by herself.

I rent but would like to buy with my new partner if she can move.

Is it likely that she could move as long as her ex is promised weekends and 50/50 of the holidays (he is a teacher so it would mean 7 weeks a year)

Thanks

No not to finish your relationship but to keep it long distance yes.
Why does it have to be her children and their father that draw the short straw? No I don’t get it. Why don’t you move instead?
My ex and I separated. He would have liked to live by the sea. He lives 100m from us because he wants to be with his children and in their life. would I uproot them for a man from their life here and their father? Hell no!
You questioning whether the father can stop it rather than whether it is right for your partner and her children says it all to be honest. Unless of course the father is absent or abusive.

Selfish

15 months, she's not even divorced yet and you want her to uproot her kids, leave her job and family so that YOU don't miss out. Why is your role as dad more important than her kids' dad? Utterly selfish.

I would move to her but this way i can maintain my relationship with my children

I hope your new partner reads this as you are priortising your needs ahead of her children.
The children need stability and co operative parenting more than they need to see you and your partner having a relationship. 70% off 2nd marriages fail so the chances are stacked against you and I assumed you both married and had children assuming it would be forever. 2nd families and relationships are way harder with much greater conflict so that is why everyone urges caution.

I would encourage you to stand back and analyse this from the children's point of view. You are taking them away from their friends, school, hobbies, Dad and extended family as well as jeopardising your new partners income. Are finances driving this? I know that it is obviously easier to live together but that doesn't make it right.

A court cannot stop an adult moving but the father can apply to court for a prohibited steps order to stop his children being forced to move schools, leave friends, leave family to move in with their mums new boyfriend. Cafcass would be involved to determine if this was on their interests so it will generally take a year.

Your girlfriend would have to justify to a judge that this move is in the best interests of the children and demonstrate robust plans to ensure contact with their father is maintained. If she has been primary carer then her case is slightly stronger but a judge could award residency to the the father.

She should certainly not move without full consent of the father as acting unilaterally will be treated very seriously by court.

Where is she with the divorce, are finances agreed? Is it amicable so far?

I hope you plan to show these posts to your girlfriend and it is important she is fully aware of the challenges she could face.

Much depends on how her husband views the situation and of course what the children feel about it.

Would a long distance relationship be such a bad thing? You both take time to heal after long marriages and you could revisit in a few years if you both feel the same.

I think you're getting a hard time here because the wording of your post very much makes it sounds like it's all about what you want and what works around your life, rather than what your partner wants. I'm very much in favour of people being free to move if it's what they want and what they think is best, but the post reads as though it's just what you think is best.

If she is equally as keen to move to your area as you are for her to do so then as others have said, she needs to start by talking to the children's father to come to an agreement about how it can be facilitated without jeopardising his relationship with the kids. He may well dig his heels in and then yes, she might find herself in court.

If she doesn't particularly want to move though, but feels she has no choice but to do so to be with you, then I would say the fairest thing to do would be for you to change your job to one that can facilitate seeing your children. It seems far more fair for one person to have to make a change than for a whole family to have to lose their primary residence and schools etc.

Just reread your OP and realise you want your girlfriend to give up seeing her own children at weekends! Do you imagine she'll be looking after yours during the 7/8 weekends you're working then?

It is highly likely your partner's ex could stop the move from happening.

If he took it to court she would have to prove it's in the childrens best interest to move. Which it doesn't appear to be in the slightest.

So basically you want the status quote for you and your family but major changes for you girlfriend's. Very selfish.

*quo

She can move with you. Job done.

But the children stay in the area they are used to, including schools, friends and ex family.

Children do not belong to the mother. They have their own lives and if that means staying with their dad so be it.

Boggles my mind how some people think like this. It is clearly in the kids interest to stay put!

Since she is not yet divorced ,the relationship is fairly new you need to slow down .If you both want this you need to meet and creat a relationship with her children since they ,I expect would move with her.
She,as the person moving,would have to do most of the travelling to allow access to visit their father.He may object to their moving since that distance would make 50:50 co-parenting impossible,you need to see your kids on weekdays because if shifts but you would deny him that.
I can't give you solutions as all relationships are different but I would not be pressurising your partner about moving.Enjoy your relationship,wait until she is divorced.See if she is ready for you to meet her children(that will tell you a lot).
Getting to the stage if her moving could easily be another year or two and a lot of things can change in that time but at least gives time for proper planning.