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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Separation after 20 years of marriage

6 replies

hhsa · 04/01/2020 11:25

I want to get legal separation from husband. We are married 20 years and have 4 kids. We have a many ongoing problems from many years. But I stayed in an abusive marriage bcos of my kids I'm 40 now and cant take the torture anymore. How do I proceed with legal separation and can I get any financial support from him. He has left home 10 days ago. Please help

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 04/01/2020 11:30

Contact Women's Aid. They will help you. You can google the number for your area.

hhsa · 04/01/2020 14:22

Thank u I will call them

OP posts:
ErrmWTAF · 04/01/2020 15:08

Women's Aid, yes, and NCDV, as well as your local authority DV department. You'll get loads of support from them: help with benefits (if appl), even Legal Aid if you've laid enough paper trail (and your finances) prove you need it.

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Look on the Women's Aid website for up to date indictators of domestic coercion and control and bring that laundry list into your GP (and talk to the police if you feel it's bad enough). Don't delay, don't minimise, don't stiff-upper-lip it. Even if you don't think you'll need it this very second, get a referral for some counselling, because you really need to look after yourself first and foremost.

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Talk to your children's schools - they'll need to know, to help your DC, and they might even be able to signpost you to resources.

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I'm concerned because, even though he's moved out, he might decide to come and go as he pleases, messing with your heads further, so you would do well to consider residency and non-mol orders to keep you safe and sane.

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Best of luck

hhsa · 04/01/2020 18:41

Thank u. Kids are 17 year 16 year 15 year and 7 years. I'm not worried about the teenagers.

OP posts:
hhsa · 04/01/2020 18:44

I am stronger in my mind because this is not something new for me. We have had many fights over the years where he has left home. But always I've called him back for the kids. But now I'm sure my teenage kids are able to understand and support my decision. Also I just wanted to make it legal this time and sort the financial situation because I want long term separation to allow myself to get used to it b4 and if I want to divorce. And to give kids the time to get used to our lives without their dad.
Does that make sense. I'm I right to decide this, rather than a quick divorce which is more painful

OP posts:
NorthernGlam · 05/01/2020 17:54

You can apply for benefits eg universal credit in your name now and also child maintenance. Go on Gingerbread single parents website it has links to lots info. You can’t backdate claims so better to do ASAP. You can also claim council tax reduction as single person. Make sure you have your own bank account he doesn’t have access to for payments and also move child benefit to your sole account. You can also apply to court for spousal maintenance if appropriate but that can take a while. Change all your passwords for email / social media / bank accounts etc Cancel any unnecessary subscriptions eg tv packages. Also a good time to see if you can save by switching bank accounts / utility companies / phone etc as will need put in own name. Moneysavingexpert good for seeing best rates. He may use money to continue control so getting yourself financially independent crucial and UC can have several weeks wait - although I already had a tax credit claim and it just switched over and didn’t have any gap in payments (payments went up a lot when ex left as his income wasn’t counted)

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