Separation: Do we have to wait 2 years after I move out?

[peanutbutterkid]

(in England, where there is no such thing as no fault divorce) I have 2 basic questions, would much appreciate advice.

Basically, if I move out, I guess we must wait 2 years before courts will accept us agreeing to divorce on grounds of separation. Adultry isn't in the picture & I don't think either of us can make a case for Unreasonable behaviour that would convince a judge.

1. Is 2 years wait after me moving out, the correct expectation?

2. Can we initiate the divorce paperwork before the 2 years are up, or do we have to wait for a full 2 years before we can do any of the paperwork?

Unreasonable behaviour doesn't require much convincing. Look on the internet and you'll see the stuff that gets accepted. Otherwise yes it's a 2 year wait.

But you can be living separate lives in one house. Separate the finances first and go from there. If you were separated but just sharing a house you were still separated...

On the nisi it asks for dates so you would need to wait from the date you separated but you don't have to have moved out just be living separate lives.

I would get your form e (financials) ready so as soon as nisi comes you can send it off. You cannot do it before nisi granted.

Thanks for replies.

We live fairly separate lives already but did things like go on holiday together (with DC) & exchange Christmas presents recently. I feel sure H. would be especially horrible to live with as 'separated' under one roof. I could tolerate that, but it would be too painful on DC. He will accept the situation & snap out of self pity sulk faster if I am physically out of the house. That is the smoother path to divorce.

He could file for my unreasonable behaviour - but I expect he will refuse. The inability to talk to him makes this harder, but that's why I want out, anyway. We can't talk financials until he accepts the divorce is inevitable; me moving out will make that happen sooner.

(comments welcome) My expected time table is
day 0: I move out
day 45-90: he accepts situation & we start negotiating money
between day 110-400: we have finished negotiating money, I find somewhere to buy, that takes months to finish
day 600: I buy another property, finances can finally be fully separated, we need to negotiate where DC live (probably with H) & who pays maintenance for DC (probably me)
Day 700: I can finally file the divorce paperwork

My worry is that settling the financials before you file the divorce paperwork you could get stuck if judge doesn't sign off financials. Deciding who has kids also impacts on financials as that person will get a larger split of assets (unless they are over 18's living at home)

If you split financials without legal sign off in theory either one of you can go back to the other after years and ask for more eg if you had an inheritance.

So for me timeline was Nisi- financials - absolute.

Unreasonable behaviour reasons are glanced at by a court official and not a judge. It can be anything as long as you feel negatively affected - so lack of socialising together, not tidying up, not having sex - anything. They don’t matter.

You don’t have to have lived apart 2 years just have been separated. And again, no-one cares that much to take you to task on the date.

No fault divorce can’t come a moment too soon can it!

And the order is Decree Nisi- Financial court order - decree Absolute.

You shouldn’t buy or sell any house without the financial consent order

Are you leaving by yourself? What about the children? Do you own the house?

Yeah would leave on my own, rent a flat within walking distance so DC can easily see me. I co-own this house, yes.

I am told that the first year will be all about money, and that phase only starts after H decides to engage with the process.

I can decide the reasons in petition when time comes, but it depends how well H. agrees. I'm expecting him to not engage or facilitate quickly. I have read stories where courts turned down petitions on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. It can happen. I need a Plan B.

He can have more of the money if he mostly has the kids resident (may not be under 18s by time this all works thru, anyway). I can afford all that and it's a bargain if it means freedom. But he can do a lot to make the process very drawn out & super expensive. I imagine he'll go from refusing to engage at all to trying to get it all wrapped up in 3 days flat, 2 extremes.

Thanks again for replies.

We stayed in the same house for 7 months but I'm now wanting to finish the process... I was advised only option was to wait 2 years but I can't see how the date can be checked so wondering if we can bring forward the separation date myself. (We aren't bothering with financials no point). I'm filing online no solicitor so different

My H and I have decided to separate and then go for an Unreasonable Behaviour divorce when we've sold our house off. Are you saying we have to kick off the process, get a nisi and then sell the house?

@TaniaFd

If you haven't had got a signed consent order there is nothing to say the judge will think it's fair and not order a different split or that your ex could come back in 6 months and want more money.

@TaniaFd I’m in a similar boat. We were already selling our house to buy a new one together and were quite far along in the process when H decided he wasn’t in love anymore.

The offer was cash and the house is not an easy sell with it being old etc. And I couldn’t keep running it by myself so we’ve had to continue with the sale.

My solicitor advised that whilst it’s not ideal, if we have a signed consent order between us then we should be ok to continue and split our share ahead of the divorce proceedings. She said she would be surprised if it was rejected.

Due to my pets etc. This all means moving back to my Dad’s for a while so naturally I’m keen to buy somewhere new as soon as I can.

It’s not a 50/50 split either as we lost a part of the offer due to some issues but by this point I’d already checked my mortgage options etc. And couldn’t really drop much lower deposit wise to afford something half decent by myself. He earns more than me and has made all this happen so I can only hope that come the actual court process everything goes through ok.

Oh God @Notamummybutneedhelp I hope it all works out for you. I’ve told H that based on what you and the other lovely ladies have said here we’d better get some professional advice even if only for an hour just to point out a path that we can follow ourselves. I’ve found a site called Amicable who can do an hours meeting online for £150 or face to face for more - that should work I hope!

@TaniaFd a lot of solicitors do half an hour for free, I would look into that as I felt much more reassured once I’d sat down and gone through stuff. Hope you get sorted too