Angry

[Feelinggoodashell]

Hello

Any advice for dealing with anger towards your ex partner? We’re not divorced yet but separated a while. I have to be vague as their new partner Stalks my posts - i have changed my user name several time’s due to this.

Lately I just cannot shift my anger towards them regarding things which happened in our marriage. I wasn’t angry at the time, or when we separated. I blamed myself. Now I see how emotionally abuse and manipulative the relationship was and I am very very angry at how I was treated.
Is this a normal response? Will it go in time?

I go from feeling incredibly lonely and sad to angry . This is relatively new. And I’m hoping it’s good for me to finally be angry but it’s just exhausting

Yes, I think anger is natural. I was, in reflection, post separation in a haze and very sad however like you as I started to realise how abusive, deceptive and manipulative he was.

I think it was the start of healing as it helped to remove any rose tinted glasses as I saw the man for who he actually was.
I was also angry with myself since I felt naive but I no longer feel like that as know my naivety was based on trust.

I now think ow (who appeared quite a bit later) deserves him as he will be abusive to her in time. I don't have to do or say anything as time will reveal his true character.

Ex has tried to provoke me in a number of ways and I now happily don't respond or acknowledge him. It makes me smile to know that the reaction he is seeking isn't going to happen.

You will feel better but it takes time and often people rush into a new relationship to avoid the feelings of loss, anger and sadness. All they are doing is covering over the feelings but they will appear further down the line if not expressed.

Thank you @Techway for your response. It helps to know others who have been through similar.

It definitely helps to see him for who he really iS.

I totally agree about people who rush into new relationships. I’ve had one brief relationship otherwise I’ve chosen to stay single and not date in order to heal and process the enormity of what happened. I could not have invested properly in someone new.

Have you had any counselling to process all this? It's a difficult time and if you have free counselling services offered through work etc, I would recommend taking them. It helps to have a neutral 3rd party to talk to and they can help with some mindset work as well.

Thanks, I’ve had counselling a few times, at different stages. Now I’ve entered the angry stage it might be a good idea to access some more

This is totally normal and I’ve found it to be a really important stage of recovery after a bad relationship. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the key stages of recovery in grief too, which would make sense. I know it’s very easy for others to say but it sounds like you really are better off with your ex out of your life.

Also, if someone has treated you badly, I’m not sure why you would want to stop being angry with them? I mean don’t drive yourself crazy, and in time it will definitely settle down, but Ive also found it helpful to keep hold of some of the anger to stop from slipping back into old ways and being taken in by them again.

I also agree with techway. If he tries to provoke you, stay calm and just know that he will do exactly the same to his new parter, she just hasn’t realised it yet!

Counselling sounds like a great idea too xx

Don't let spite and anger rule your life. It will poison you.