Handhold/tips

[seb615]

New poster - I hope this is in the right place.

My partner left me 18 months ago. I was devastated. In that time he kept me on a string, going back and forth. I have found out he has been seeing someone else in this time. Despite him saying he did want a reconciliation.

I have now seen clearly exactly what he has been doing and was blinded by the lies. And I have made it clear I do not want any further communication unless it regarding the children.

Here's the problem. I'm still madly in love with the arsehole.

How do I stay strong and get over this? I'm feeling really close to a mental breakdown over the 18 months of turmoil. So please be gentle, I really don't need to hear what a doormat I have been.

For further information. We have 2 children (3 and 5) he has never had the overnight. And just visits to see them at my house a few times a week.

We own our house. Although my parents have offered to buy his share of it. Which I think he will agree to. He pays maintenance (90 per week) and is on a salary of £50k per year. So I think he is underpaying, which is another thing I need to sort out

Please don’t think for 1 minute that you are a doormat. He is the arsehole who cheated on his partner and children. Decent people work on their relationship not lie, manipulate and cheat.
Is there anyway he could have the dc at his place rather than at your house? Then you wouldn’t have to have as much contact with him.
You sound very strong, you will get through this and make a much better, happier life for you and your dc. It will take time but you will get there.

@LanternLighter
Thank you so much for your reply. Hearing that actually made me cry (for the third time this morning!)

I don't know that he would have hem at his place. He doesn't have any patience with them and finds looking after them too stressful. Despite the fact they are really laid back, easy going children.