New baby and husband has been lying to me

[Tigerlily1985]

I have just found out that my husband has been being dishonest with me and that it has been going on for a long time.

Some things are small and some are much larger-like a credit card debt he has had for all of our relationship (10 years+) that I wasn't told about.

I have a 4 month old baby and now know that he has been spending lunchtimes at the pub with his friend and trips to the cinema during the day when I would have really appreciated the help at home. I have been feeling low (possible PND) and have had very little support.

I have found things out due to looking at his texts which I have never felt the need to do before. It hurts that he is joking with his friend about a hot work colleague when I have been not feeling my best after the baby both physically and emotionally.

There have been a lot of things that he has done which have been dishonest and I just can't seem to get past my hurt and anger. I honestly thought we were on the same page about things as he knows how important honesty is to me.

He is currently staying with family as I can't have him at home at the moment. It's like i found out that he is a different person and I don't trust anything he says.

What should I do?

Step back and look at the relationship as an outsider.
Is it worth fixing?
Can you support yourself if you decide to split?
Good luck 💐

Has he given any reason for why he does it? Do you think the relationship is worth saving? If so, do you think he'd be prepared to go to counselling? In the meantime, make sure you have some support. Talk to your GP or health visitor and lean on friends and family. Give yourself some time to think about what you want. Sending virtual hugs 💐

I found 4 months to be so hard with my baby he’s 6 months now and it gets SO much better. I remember thinking I had PND at that point and it’s like a clouds gone now. Things can be fixed. Think of yourself though and your baby. Good luck x