How soon before looking for a partner?

[dotnetmum]

I have recently decided to get divorced, talked to husband, got solicitor, processed started now.

I am very lonely, my husband has been working abroad for one and a half years.
We were married for more than 20 years.
It has been hard but I feel certain that this is the right decision and I definitely don't love him any more.

Is it wrong to start looking for new partner so soon?
I am not young and I just think that I don't want to lose more time.
I have no idea what dating is like nowadays, bit scared, I am quite traditional. But it also feels exciting.

I personally think that it wouldn’t be great for a new partner to be involved in a newly separated persons life right now if you are still sorting out what’s what. BUT that is just my own personal thoughts on it.
I am 2 months separated and my head is consumed with sorting out the mess and trying to get into a new stable norm. It wouldn’t be fair if I introduced a new partner into the situation let alone my head space at the moment. My priority is the kids right now.

That said yes it’s slightly exciting to think what’s to come in future but also incredibly lonely knowing what’s been given up and what I thought my life would be like.

Good luck and I hope what ever decision you make is the right one for you.

I waited 3 months when h left me, I was cautious at first, went on a few disastrous dates, met some crazy chaps ... then 2 months ago (7 months after my separation) I met an amazing guy and I'm currently cleaning my house (well procrastinating on Mumsnet) because he's coming over for the weekend. Feels like the real deal, and it's mutual

What's your living situation like? Do you have DCs at home? How long have you been separated?

For me, after my 15 year marriage it was important to rediscover myself (as corny as it sounds) and realise exactly what I wanted. This took me a good few years and tbh, if I'd started looking for a prospective partner at that time I would have been selling myself short.

Dating has COMPLETELY changed and you need a super thick skin. I'd wait a bit..plus it'll muddy the waters with your divorce.

I started dating after 3 weeks. Like you I had been very lonely for a long time.
My thoughts were, if I felt like it was right to me (which it did) why would I sit around for a few months feeling miserable when I could be out enjoying myself.
I found “the one” on my second date

He has been living in a different country for one and a half years and even before that we had plenty of problems, but I didn't want to let go. And I didn't see the situation so clearly.

The fact that he went abroad allowed me to feel like I have rediscovered myself in the last year and cleared my head, and now I don't even want him back.
Ok but I do see maybe it is a bit soon to start dating. But it's not that I not ready in my mind I think, just seems a bit inappropriate, not to mention scary!

I am a big fan of getting laid as soon as possible.

@Persona makes a good point...whilst I stayed single, there were a few FWB during that time and I highly recommend it!

I was married 20 years but had very much emotionally checked out long before we split. He was physically there but I think the nearest we had got to conversation was are you picking up DD or do you need me to and can you get milk on your way home for at least 10 of those years, probably more. I didn't wait long before starting to find a new man. Regardless I think you know when you are in the right head space...

Why a 'partner'? Why not just date around, have some fun? Does it all have to be serious right away? Test the waters.

Thank you, otter71, my marriage if exactly the same!
Thank you don't all talkative, you are so right, I wrote partner out of habit or old fashion ideas, but yes the waters I think.
Omg, wish me luck!

Sorry about the spelling, I hate auto correct!!

As soon as you want to. There is no right time. I didn't wait and met someone very quickly. I don't regret it.