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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

What to suggest is fair when splitting up assets?

24 replies

Trustthejourney · 27/11/2019 16:37

My husband left me and the 2 kids earlier this year and we’re arguing about splitting the finances. When I met him I had a very good job (at 27 years old I earned £34k) but I had to take a £7k paydrop to get a job in his area to move in with him as where he lives is so rural and he wouldn’t move as he has a business here. 2 years later we had our first child and we decided I’d go part time, so I lost another 2/5ths of my income. I took these financial hits alone, and supported myself through both maternity leaves. My decreases in wages obviously also effected my pension, NI contributions, student loan repayments and the redundancy money I got last year. But I did it all for our kids who I love to bits! As well as working part time I did all the housework, childcare, family admin, shopping and so on, so his life and work could remain as unchanged as possible. When we got together his turnover was below £200k, now it’s over £2m. Although he’s worked hard he’s only been able to do that because I’ve been both parents and a house keeper too, as well as helping with his business when needed. Now we’re splitting up though I don’t know what I should be asking for. Both kids are staying living with me, they’re 6 and 8. He currently gives us £1500 for the family and pays me £900 a month through the business. It sounds like a lot but after the mortgage, all the family direct debits and standing orders (inc a joint credit card bill that I pay from when we put a new kitchen on it), it only leaves £241 a month for me and the kids, to cover all food, outings, car stuff, toiletries, cleaning products, school stuff, their clothing, etc without any of my own spending or direct debits too. I’ve not even had my hair done or cut in 5 months as I’m trying to use what we have to keep the kids lifestyle as uneffected as possible. When I lost my job I started my own company and had saved up enough money to see me and my family cost contributions through to when my product launched, but that’s all had to go on solicitors fees now and I can’t launch with no money. I’ve spent all the savings I had on solicitors and living costs for me and the kids so I now have no money, no savings and mounting bills and debts. How much do you think I should ask for in mediation if anyone has any experience of this please? His business is worth around £1-1.5m now (when we got married 4 years ago it was worth £150k), then he also has 3 houses (1 fully paid off (he owned half before then bought the other half while we were married) has 1 half paid off, and he owns the other with me). He earns £100k a year, I currently earn nothing and won’t until the finances are all settled so I can launch my product. We’ve been together 11 years in total, 4 of which were married. I was going to look for a job now but my solicitor advised not to because it would take me away from the kids at a time I need to be around, plus it would mean giving up on my company which I’ve worked hard to establish. It also wouldn’t further my career at all, as jobs here are incredibly limited and I’d need to work from home or just between 9.15-3pm as there’s no school breakfast club and after school club only runs until 5pm so if I worked in one of the nearby towns I’d not get back in time to collect them. So I’ve just stayed working school hours on my company as advised. Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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45andfine · 27/11/2019 16:49

Half is the starting point, half the houses, half the business, half the pensions. Has he completed the finance forms?

Are you claiming all the benefits?

Trustthejourney · 27/11/2019 17:52

I can’t claim benefits as he officially pays me that amount through his business. I’d be entitled to legal aid but he’s hiding assets so fast I can’t really wait to be assessed for that plus I’m not sure they have the experience to deal with how complex his affairs are so I’m borrowing money at the moment for a solicitor.

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Trustthejourney · 27/11/2019 17:54

Sorry I forgot, we’re at the voluntary form e stage. He’s saying we should walk away with what we came to the relationship with (so he’d keep his business and houses) but my job and career is no longer there, nor is the nice city house I rented before, and his business has only been able to grow so much because of how much of the other stuff I did in our family life.

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Trustthejourney · 27/11/2019 17:54

Oh and I meant to say thank you for your thoughts on this! 😊

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Honeyroar · 27/11/2019 18:04

He’s really having a laugh thinking he should walk away with 3 houses and his business, leaving you and the kids struggling. And he’s hiding assets to prevent the kids from having a better life. What a scumbag!

HollyIvy89 · 27/11/2019 18:27

OMG. Walk away with what you came with. He’s literally throwing you to the kerb like he doesn’t require you any more!!
Half. Half off the houses. Half of the business. Pension. Cash. Go for it.

Trustthejourney · 27/11/2019 19:10

I said that but he says he’s being very fair as he contributed to our relationship while we were in it and we had a very nice quality of life. He says by asking for more for me and the kids that I have an ‘over inflated opinion of my own worth’ 😔 He was like this throughout our relationship too, always kept his finances separate.

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HollyIvy89 · 27/11/2019 19:15

Oh gosh. What a not very nice man. I look forward to hearing what solicitor says!!

Thedogisdrivingmemad · 27/11/2019 21:27

No way would the courts go with his plan or even close to it. 50:50 is the starting point in this situation but chances are you would receive more.

KatzP · 27/11/2019 21:28

Take your guidance from solicitor. Especially if you think he is hiding assets. A fair and equitable split is the starting point - and everything houses business and pensions should be in the pot.

Otter71 · 27/11/2019 21:47

He will suddenly find out your worth when his solicitor brings him down to earth. Just go for it. You may even get more than half...

Thedogisdrivingmemad · 27/11/2019 22:18

Also slip into conversation that anyone discovered hiding assets by the courts tends to get absolutely hammered in divorce cases.

Get a solicitor asap...he is talking nonsense and you will feel less stressed having them on your side, and hearing it from a professional.

45andfine · 28/11/2019 22:39

I don't understand why he's paying you money from the business? Are you working for him? Stay strong, it's hard to fight for your worth, as we are naturally against making too much "fuss". But remember you're actually just looking out for your children's future, because he doesn't sound like the type PDF man who would do himself.

Guineapigbridge · 28/11/2019 22:48

Principle is,

  • half value of your family home and any property you use for your family (eg beach house)
  • half the value of the increase in the business’s value between the date you got married and the date of separation
  • half the value of furniture, cars etc used in your home

If you have turnover and profit information for the business plus a history of balance sheets for the three years prior to your marriage then a business valuer will be able to estimate the business value at the date of your marriage. And then estimate the business value at the date of separation. The business vale has increased, so half the increase is yours. Half is his. Assuming that he is the sole owner and it’s not shareholder-owned?
HTH

Guineapigbridge · 28/11/2019 22:49

It’s immaterial that you’ve taken a salary from the business

Trustthejourney · 01/12/2019 00:13

Thank you all. I’ve got a solicitors meeting on Tuesday so I’ll know more then, but I wanted to know what I should be insisting on for what’s fair rather than coming across as a money grabber which I’m not x

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Honeyroar · 01/12/2019 08:34

Good. Hope it goes well. My friend is just starting to get divorced and she saw three solicitors for half hour consultations (with a list of pre thought out questions) then decided which she preferred.

And no way are you a money grabber- but he bloody well is!

Trustthejourney · 01/12/2019 10:05

I had to change solicitors, the first I saw was phenomenal in the free consultation then messed about, 3 months in we’d only got to voluntary form e exchange, yet it’d cost £13k! He talked the talk but once I was hooked in he just couldn’t be bothered. Turned out he used to work with my ex’s solicitor for years so I think they probably had a cosy agreement going on with them 😔

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BlouseAndSkirt · 01/12/2019 10:23

He has been the grabber, all along. Outrageous to keep separate finances when you gave up your financial potential for his, and to take on the childcare.

How dare he say you have an over inflated sense of your self worth? He is a bully and intends to keep his own self and financial worth as high as possible,

Fine, net off what he had bought when you first it together, everything else ; 50:50. but as you will be housing and supporting the kids I would go for 60%. That is not unusual.

He is behaving like a nasty knob.

Trustthejourney · 01/12/2019 12:32

Thank you. Yes he is. I think I knew it in our relationship but tried to ignore it and put up with it for the sake of our family. I’ve never known how much we had as a family or what we could afford. At one point he told me he was totally broke, then bought the brand new iPhone later that week because he liked the look of it. I’m also pretty sure that he wasn’t at work for many of the hours he said he was 😔 I feel such an idiot but when I said yes I did think it would be forever and I thought it was what was best for us all x

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BlouseAndSkirt · 01/12/2019 14:59

Yes, well he has been gaslighting you and deliberately undermining you.

Marriage is a contract. You become a single legal entity with shared assets, property, money, pensions, all become jointly owned.

That’s what the vows mean. It is a contract.

He will find this out via his solicitor and the mediator. Tell your solicitor and the mediator that you were never given access to the family money or even knowledge of it.

He will try and hide pensions and obscure the health of his company. And lay himself less. All in an attempt to rip you off.

Fight him!

Weenurse · 07/12/2019 06:23

How did the solicitor appointment go?

Trustthejourney · 07/12/2019 12:57

Okay, we're going for it, I just need to go to mediation then we'll be issuing the court thing! Thank you all for all your advice. It could take some time to sort out but I'll keep you all updated afterwards x

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Ss770640 · 13/12/2019 18:15

My opinion?

Your entitled to a economic disadvantage argument as you lost earnings to help his business grow. I wouldn't expect a compensating payment to be big though based on your lost earnings.

The business is not marital. It is owned by the company and is a seperate legal entity.,if your co-director then your quids in. If your not, expect the business to be ringfenced.

When it comes to settlement, expect him to declare a very small salary. This is normal for business owners to maximise business profit. If you dispute this you can view his earnings and dividends paid by going to company house online and looking at annual reports. All free to do. Point here is to make sure he's declaring a fair salary and isn't reducing it for purposes of divorce.

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