Agreed £51 pw child maintenence

[Andyjakeydan]

Would i be expected to contribute to school trips/uniform on top of the agreed maintenence payments ?

No he is a better father because he sees it is about our child and not us as adults. He pays me a fair amount and then half of every other expense incurred for her and doesn't begrudge it unlike your disgusting posts

My daughter is NOT suffering any hardships at all (apart from having to slum it with me for 6 days in a caravan in Skeggy)....i give my daughter everything i can afford to give her...

The bottom line is that's what you have to pay

And if you CANT afford more that's it 🤷‍♀️

You can't shit money

i only want to pay what i have to

For your child?!? Do you have any idea how expensive children are to keep clothed and fed? Why resent paying for your offspring? You need to seriously think about your future relationship with that child as if you don't pay your way now, they will resent you in the future.

Silentlysinking i don’t begrudge giving my daughter anything i can afford to give her

Louthpips of course i know how much it costs to keep a child fed and clothed...she’s 13 and its always been Next clothes (no Primark shit for my daughter as her mother is a snob)

Next is pretty shit clothing too tbf. It’s just more expensive shit. She’s not the snob either you or she thinks she is

If you’re dead set on doing the bare minimum for your daughter then your plan is ideal. You know whether you can afford more or whether that truly is it.
Regarding the disdainful way you’re speaking about her mother... I get that she treated you badly and I’m not saying you’re wrong to be hurt but be very careful with your attitude to the mother when around your daughter. You risk pushing your child away.

I don’t slag her mother off in front of her....my daughter rightly or wrongly thinks the world of me....my daughter knows i’ll give her most things she wants but i have more or less run out of money now

Is this school trip an essential school trip? And i think that this is the most important question, because £600 is a lot of money for an essential school trip esp if your ex Is just expecting that you contribute towards it, and it wasnt discussed with you first. My ex always offers to give me extra towards our dcs trips/clubs, sometimes i take up the offers sometimes i dont. If you are able, helping out towards essential extras however little is great, but if you physically cant then you cant, please dont be that bitter person, you did love your ex once and although i do understand what she has done now causes you to think how you do this will only affect your daughter in the long run. I suggest as it seems from your posts that the money you give is via a personal agreement, run everything through the CMS calculator so you know the legal minimum that you should pay, and then take each extra request for money as and when it comes. You cannot magic money out of thin air, nor can you be expected to pay for extras that have not been discussed with you. On a more personal note, i doubt your daughter saw 6 days spent in a caravan in Skeggy as slumming it, i hope she saw that she got 6 days spent with her dad.

Silentlysinking your ex is better father than me because he pays £150/200 a month? Well thats less than what i pay so how’d you work that out ?

She and her ex have 50/50 care of their child so he doesn't legally have to pay anything at all. How many nights a week do you have your daughter?

You need to pay as much as you can afford because this is about your daughter, not your ex.

How often do you have her?

If your ex is a lot better off than you and paying extra than the legal minimum would put you into debt then no, you shouldn't pay it. It all depends on your individual circumstances really.

CM is a payment to cover "additional costs" not to cover half of all child costs.

It is assumed that both parents have housing costs and the share of assets is done to ensure both parents have similar costs.
Pay the amount you have worked out and cover anything else on an individual case. Sometimes children can't go on trips because parents can't afford to pay.

My daughter knows I'll give her most things she's wants

Sounds like your 13 year old needs to learn daddy can't just keep buying her stuff all the time. It is what it is op- if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. And your daughter needs to learn that, and your ex once you tell her calmly no I can't afford a £600 school trip will bed to learn that too. Contribute where you can, but if you have "no money left" there's not exactly anything you can do.

If you're paying what you should and what you can that's fine. But you need to separate the maintenance issue from your bitterness towards your ex.

Your anger and bitterness is clear and in your circumstances I don’t think unfounded. I presume this is all very raw for you too

However, you do need try to separate those from your daughter.

Check what the cms would be for you based on your salary and nights. If you are in mind with that then you are fine. I’m sure you’ll buy more things for her directly when you are able.

On the subject of large costs and trips, if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it-divorced I’d not. There’s nothing wrong with her understanding these things - we can’t always have what we want and things are expensive. A good life lesson.

Be the best dad you can be - that doesn’t involve just splashing the cash but time, energy, support, love, care and consistency. These are the things she’ll value you for

For your own sake, and I know it sounds trite, try to come to let go some of your bitterness - it will destroy you if you let it

You should pay half the cost of raising your child, this could be through maintenance, through costs incurred when they stay with you or more realistically a combination. This is child maintenance not spousal support, that's separate and you aren't paying it

I’ve never seen a post on MN where a woman is asking how she can spend the least possible amount of money on her child. The fact that a father thinks this is ok is very sad.

Nor do I know of any 13 year old girls who dress from Next .

I have 2 ex partners, 2 children with each. One pays half of absolutely everything including uniform, shoes, trips, children’s allowance, phone contracts, school residentials, swimming lessons, clubs, Christmas jumper days etc.... this is on top of his monthly £550, my other ex pays £400 a month plus half of swimming and music lessons and will buy something as and when the children need it but he doesn’t think it’s necessary to pay half of trips etc... but he hasn’t got as much disposable income. I’m sure he would help if I couldn’t afford it through. It doesn’t matter what your ex has done or how she treats you. It’s your daughter who will miss out if you don’t help with all the extra expenses of raising a child.

@Andyjakeydan I understand you are very upset with your wife.

However, cms is not for your wife. It's for your child.

You need to separate the two thoughts in your mind

Snob shopping at next

Anyway, weekly cms wont cover trips. If you dont want to pay half of trips then she can’t go. But you make sure you tell her you wont pay for trips. None of this bullshit that £51 per week is expected to cover that, because, you know, thats bullshit.

Defo need to now think of it as the child’s needs not the ex wife. If that money covers all your child needs and you believe so and can live with that and it’s the minimum then I suppose it is what it is. But if it doesn’t and you think your child with suffer the consequence then you’ll need to think how you can contribute more knowing it will go solely on the child.

I think that currently if you can not afford the school trip then sadly you can not help. But deliver this news and your reasons in a reasonable grown up manner as not to hurt anyone or make the situation any more difficult. A simple I am sorry but I can not on this occasion afford to help.