My husband says he isn’t in love with me anymore

[Emma0716]

Please help!!

So about a month a go my husband is not really being himself a bit distant (his grandad was poorly he ended up passing away) which I understood completely he also had a lot of stress at work. I tried to be there for him the best I could but we just kept arguing over stupid things. He got asked about going to his works Xmas party (which he’s never gone to before as he couldn’t be bothered or didn’t want to unless I went) so I said “ oh that would be good for you” kind of assuming He would want me with him, he started to get really funny making excuses why I couldn’t go. I got a little paranoid(not like me at all) wondering why he didn’t want me by his side like always. I didn’t mind if he wanted to go alone it was just how he was making it into such a massive thing. Anyways for the next 2 weeks my paranoia is getting worse and my sister is asking me what the hell is wrong with me as it’s not like me at all. Anyways we argue more and more then he tells me he don’t no what he wants anymore. I’m completely taken back by this as we’ve had worse issues in the past but always got through them. He then tells me he’s not in love with me anymore and the spark has gone. He said it’s not me as I’m perfect he’s just messed up at the minute ( he’s lost a lot of family members in his life and never dealt with the grief) I know there isn’t another women and that my paranoia was out of order. He no longer shows me any love or affection like he used to. We went from being perfect to separated in practically 4 weeks he still lives at our home with me and our little one as he’s says it don’t feel right to leave. He slept on the sofa for a bit then started to sleep back in our bed. We still have sex and he gets very paranoid thinking I’m chatting to other men which I’m not or wouldn’t do as I’m still madly in love with him. He gives me mixed signals but then says he don’t. He says he don’t no if he wants to start again with me but then changes his mind. It’s torture for me as I still want him but he don’t want me. I thought he might just be struggling with everything and he may change his mind but today I broke down again after trying to act like I’m ok with all this and he just backed off again now he’s back on the sofa. I don’t no what to do as he tells me he still fancies me and finds me very attractive and it hurts him that he’s fallen out of love with me. Do I try to let him go or do I try to give him space and hope he realises he made a mistake?

Could he be depressed? I went through an awful dark place in the recent past and I completely felt like I had no interest in my long term boyfriend anymore, felt like I was falling out of love with him when in reality it was me just completely losing interest in anything and everyone tbh! Not trying to make excuses for him and some marriages genuinely do just break down but with the recent events that have happened I think he could be suffering with his mental health more than he lets on. Hope things work out for you ❤️

OP I hate to say this but it does sound as though there's another woman.

Whether it's gone as far as them having physical relations or not...the signs are there.

Does he work with women?

Thank you for your replies. I have thought maybe he is depressed but he’s scared to get help. He doesn’t work with other women as it’s all men in a factory and he’s not secretive with his phone or go out lots. But as to his mental health again he’s very scared to open up about everything but I definitely think he needs to get help but I don’t want to push him if he’s ready.

I’m so sorry. I could have written this myself a couple of years ago... says he’s stressed at work, coming across as being depressed, not letting me go to his Christmas party, being paranoid over me talking to men, wanting me then changing his mind, telling me he still finds me attractive but not sure if he loves me.

He was cheating.

Cherchez la femme

I read your opening statement very carefully.
He is,
Distant
Argumentative
Made excuses why you can't go to a very normal works 'do'
Says he's conflicted
Not in love
Withdrawn affection
You have separate lives in the same house
Has sexual jealousy
Backs off when you show emotion or affection
Says "your still the same, I've changed."

And you insist it can't be a woman causing this monumental change in him?
You don't mention how long you have been married or how old you are. Not that it really matters. Infidelity happens at the start(habit) or at the end(boredom/fear) in a marriage.
I've never heard of an exclusive male industry. Visiting reps. Canteen staff. Cleaning crew. Training officers. Auditors. Machine break down call out crew. And so on...
Some one or something has made your previously loving husband turn into someone you do not know anymore.
Is he facing redundancy or demotion? Is there some gambling or poker nights or debts he is afraid to tell you about?
Is he wishy washy saying it is over and being a bastard so you will be the one to say "That It Is Over, Definitely."

It sounds very much like there is another woman on the scene the signs seem to be jumping out I'm afraid.

Sounds like a midlife crisis to me, my STBXH was the same. Depressed, secretive, couldn't make up his mind if he was going or staying... Still felt affection for me but 'wasn't in love' anymore.
It's agonising trying to get them back but in the end I just had to let go. You can't make other people help themselves. A year on and he is still miserable but admits the marriage had nothing to do with it and was a scapegoat.

He was having an affair as well. Sigh. They're all so bloody predictable.

All you can do is take care of yourself and try to regain some control back from the situation. Stop sleeping with him and if I were you I would suggest a separation. Give it a timeframe in your head (don't tell him), and let him initiate any contact in the interim. If he hasn't figured things out in that time then you can file for divorce.
It's harder to do than say but it's the only way. He has disconnected from the marriage and there's nothing you can do to pull him back if he's depressed because his thinking is so black and white. He needs help but you only he can choose to seek it out.

In the meantime, go out and live your life. You might be surprised how liberating it feels not to beg someone to love you or live with a depressed person you're always trying to 'help.' It's beyond draining and you deserve better.

Could have written this myself, he was cheating!

Sounds familiar ... I fought it for years, staying together for the kids and then he left.