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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Relationship with in-laws - what do you do?

2 replies

HulaChick · 20/11/2019 19:37

I told y DH that I wanted to divorce him 5 months ago but he has only just told his parents. I don’t have much contact with my in-laws but not due to any problems, just that it’s not that kind of relationship, although I do phone or email occasionally. Anyway, I’ve been feeling awful that they’ve been in the dark about all of this and probably planning nice family presents for Christmas and just generally basking in ignorant bliss that everything is ok. However, for years, I have been very unhappy in my marriage and not down to really awful things like abuse but due to feeling emotionally and physically unwanted (really not going into details here but I had more than enough reason, although DH disputes it all) and I want this divorce ASAP. Anyway, I said to DH the other night that now his parents know that I’d like to write to them but he basically said that I should just leave it to Christmas cards now (he also said that because he’d read my diary where I’d written some disparaging remarks about them that any communication with them wouldn’t be genuine!). I feel that I owe them a letter and, also, they’re good and very kind people and my children are their grandchildren and although I don’t want to be married to their son anymore, I would still like some sort of relationship with them! How does everyone else handle this situation? I fully recognise that they’ll be firmly in DH’s camp but I hope they won’t hate me!!

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 20/11/2019 19:57

Difficult. On the whole blood is thicker than water and if you dh doesn't want this divorce and he is going to be hurt by it, their sympathy and support is going to go to him. Hopefully you will have your own family to support you. I can't see your relationship with your dhs parents being the same when you have divorced their son as it was before unless he has been abusive in some way that they can see and can sympathise with.

Once your decision to divorce is in the open I would focus on the grandchild/grandparent relationship. If they are good grandparents and you are accommodating about the children still seeing them a new relationship between you and them should develop. If, eventually their ds is happy and they can see that the divorce was for the best for him as well as you the relationship might become warmer. Good luck.

HulaChick · 22/11/2019 18:06

Thank you for your reply - what you said is very true. They live a few hundred miles away , so don’t see their grandchildren much and they never come up here (in their 80’s) but I really would lie to remain o good terms with them (& my DH too). I totally see that their sympathies will be mainly with hi as he will have the bigger change to his iLife - I’m really wanting this divorce, he isn’t, so it gets quite difficult at times but I want to get through to the other side ASAP now! I will write to them but I won’t counter everything that I know DH has told them - not worth it but would like to let them know I still want to stay in touch.

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