70/30 - 60/40 - 50/50 - please help

[BlackTulip71]

Help I'd like some advice. And please tell me if you think I am now being unreasonable.

I came into our marriage in a far superior financial position. I bought our house outright and my husband used the equity from his house sale to fund refurbishments. We have no mortgage.

I also have inherited investments.

I'm currently "trying" to divorce him. History of affairs and other inappropriate conduct. I can't use his infidelity as over x amount of years. So will use unreasonable behaviour.

We have 2 daughers who will predominantly reside with me but will hopefully spend a few days a week with him.

After 18 months of talk, he is finally accepting the position. On Sunday he said fg give me £x and I will go. I don't think the amount he is asking for is fair. Previous advice I was given was to propose 70/30. But I don't know how to reasonably explain this.

Can anyone help we explain why I think 70/30 is fair. Personally I think he is taking the piss. 30% would give him more than enough to purchase a house.

Help please ! and thank you.

Sadly I think he’s entitled to half even though it’s most unfair? Or maybe a sh!t hot lawyer an sort you more???

Oh if this was in reverse.

Both of you seem to forget that you both come second, the kids come first. If there is enough in the pot to house you both adequately it's a good start.

What does your solicitor say? Who advised 70/30 and on what grounds if you are the "financially superior" parent?

Stop trying to negotiate with him, get yourself a lawyer. Although you will need to remember that you are in an established marriage and the start point tends to be 50:50 as per ‘all that I have I share with you” in the marriage vows.

Forget negotiating, if you've not agreed after 18 months, go and see a solicitor and go via the legal route.

Thank you all for your time in replying.

I can assure you that despite all this "mess" our children our MY priority. Ensuring that they have suitable homes for the future.

My desire to protect my inheritance is to safeguard monies that will help fund university and their future. Unfortunately their father has proved un reliable with his own finances.

You can propose 70/30. He can propose 30/70. You can them both edge towards something else, like 60/40 or 50/50. But you need qualified and independent advice to help you do that. From mediators or lawyers.

There is not point in agreeing the % split if you haven’t established what is in the pot for the split.

If there is argument to protect inheritances, then make it and allow him to get advice as to whether he should agree or not. What you need to establish is that when you received it you put in place definite plans for it to be used for the children alone and he agreed it.

If the 30% is enough to house him and children somewhere that meets needs when they are with him then you can argue the assets you had before the marriage and the inheritance are non matrimonial assets and shouldn’t be in the pot because there isn’t a need for them to be. You also say children may stay with him what has pattern been since you split or are you all still living together. In my experience what the ex says they will do and what actually happens can be vastly different. it sounds like you may not be asking for maintenance which although you can’t formally agree to never claim can be factored into negotiations between you. Just work through the factors the court will look at I found a book called diy divorce and separation quite useful for explaining things. While there have been court cases different ways I think the most recent have been against 50:50 in your sort of situation where it isn’t necessary to share money you got outside the marriage to meet his needs

Thanks. The 30% would afford him a suitable home

I have that book and you’re right it is useful.

Generally you start at a 50/50 split then look at specific factors. However length of marriage matters, under 10 years you can take into account what you brought to the marriage whereas over 10 generally it's assumed everything is shared. If it were the other way around would you be happy? The best option all around is to agree a split, you can take into account pensions, earning potential, childcare costs etc not just house value

Ps we are diy and have opted for me to get 100% of the house in lieu of other assets

Only the profit/loss from marriage is divided equally.

Not the whole sum.

England favours pre-marital assets but Scotland is very strict on start/end dates.

Document all pre-marital contributions.

Ps: gifts and inheritance are excluded as they were not earned from the marriage.

50% of everything is a complete myth and really depends on circumstance.

Only the marital part is fairly divided

That is in Scotland only. Judging by my experience as the female higher earner in England he may get more than half - even though she is housing the kids. My ex got 55% and I have the kids 100%. Very unfair.

It really is pot luck. Sheriffs have very wide discretion.

I would recommend reading transcripts of court proceedings. You will learn a lot about how the courts act.