50/50 parenting - any tips on how to make it work?

[mamamiaow]

About to embark on an equal split, co-parenting life. We have only recently separated and now about to get the keys to a new place. The plan is to divide the week up into a 3, 2, 2 routine ie alternate weekends and then 2 nights at each house during the week. I imagine that this will be a logistical nightmare, particularly on school days. Not to mention the emotional upset all round.

Any tips on how you've made this work?

We will have a shared calendar to try to organise ourselves. Did you double up on clothing so it's at both homes? Did you jump right in to this new routine or did you gradually introduce the timetable? How did your children cope with two homes? How long did it take to get used to it? What do you do with yourself on the blank nights?

I'd be grateful for any advice. Really struggling emotionally with the prospect. Trying to be strong, to make it as smooth as possible and trying to ignore the constant anxiousness that is my head.

works really well for my son and I actually, you're doing a "2-2-5-5" routine in practice, e.g.

Mon, Tues: dads
Weds, Thurs: mums
Fri thru Tues: dads
Weds thru Sun: mums.

Have completely separate gear for him here so there's no issues with the ex wifey, lol

On the blank nights you can do anything you like, free country.

How old are the kids and how far apart are the two homes? I do a 7 on 7 off pattern with DD 14. Works well now but the homes are within the same school catchment meaning she has school friends near both. When I was renting on the other side of town not so much...

I have pretty much doubled up on school uniform and underwear but nothing else. With your pattern it may be easier though as you would only need 3 shirts per house not 5 for example. It will also depend how much they had to start with...
We jumped pretty much straight in, though there were a few weeks between him kicking me out and me being in a new home and I didn't take the DD to sleep on my friends couch with me...
Two homes seems to me to be two floors to mess up and an excuse for me to sort it whilst she is away. So she quite likes that. Location however to me was key...

We have been doing Sun-Tues with his dad and Wed-Sat with me for five years now. Admittedly only the one child so that might make it easier.
He has mostly separate things at his dads in terms of clothes etc. Some stuff is carted back and forth every week but no more than a carrier bag full and this is easier now he is in secondary school.
We leapt straight into it. His dad has moved a couple of times since we split but we've always lived no further than a 15 min drive from each other.
I do all the planning/admin and just tell his dad what he needs to do from week to week, things like school trips, non uniform days etc. Again this has got easier as he's got older and can organise himself a bit more.
I know it doesn't work for all families and some kids feel a bit "homeless." It probably helps that I am still in what was our family home. It works just fine for us and DS is happy with it.

Thanks for the tips everyone.

@ItIsBetter I'm not sure how you worked out the routine, it will be
Fri to Mon - dad (3 nights)
Mon-Wed - mum (2)
Wed-Fri -dad (2)
Fri to Mon - mum etc (3)

The homes are very close -about 5 min drive or 20 min walk. So that is a positive.

Drops offs and collections happening via school.

The routine, it will be
Fri to Mon - dad (3 nights)
Mon-Wed - mum (2)
Wed-Fri -dad (2)
Fri to Mon - mum (3 nights)
What about the next bit?
Because if you went Mon-Wed mum then wed to Fri dad you would end up with 5 nights on a row each. Or do you swap for the second week?

It juts it just keep going- so mum (2) dad(2) mum (3) dad (2) mum (2) dad (3) co finial rotation. Most important would be listen to the kids- this works well for some and not for others- if they find that too much living around then be prepared to revisit it. Agreements that activities are discussed, and if started, are continued. An acceptance that standards/ expectations will be different and it will take time for the. To get into the swing of that. Communication is vital- even if it's jus through messenger

Yes the post above is the routine. We will try this for a couple of months and then review how it's going for the children. Hopefully work can be flexible enough to accommodate this. It means that the parents are more disrupted, if you did a class you'd only be able to go fortnightly for example. But we think this is the best option for us as they are still young. We'll keep it under review, if it doesn't work we'll look at alternate weekends and perhaps a set night during the week. It's a leap into the unknown.

the routine I've posted is better as the children are with the same parent on given days each week - means that hobbies etc can be done independently of the other parent and less changeovers