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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex keeps making me think he’s suicidal

21 replies

Itsallchange · 14/11/2019 17:31

Separated Feb and moved out Aug, so I understand this is still raw and he’s hurting.
He rants by text message often about what I’ve done to him and how I’ve made him feel.
Occasionally he will make me think he’s going to take his own life. Early on he was very low but I kept reminding him his 4 children needed him and he seemed to get a bit better.
On Halloween he messaged me saying he’d taken out life insurance and started the message just in case, and that the house would go to the kids as he hadn’t yet done a will. Today he’s messaged saying I want to give up.
Any ideas how to deal with this part of me thinks it’s his way of controlling me and making me feel bad. I worry about him doing something and the kids blaming me (I know that sounds selfish)
Any one got any advice how to deal with this please

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/11/2019 17:33

Block him, it's all emotional manipulation...

Another successful thing is to call him an ambulance and let him deal with the fall out.

Google grey rock technique, its all to get you to respond and engage with him.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/11/2019 17:34

You alert the police if you think he is serious, otherwise ignore. He’s jerking your strings.

Clutterbugsmum · 14/11/2019 17:37

Ignore the attention seeking behavior. He doing this to make you feel guilty.

If he threatens suicide then call 101 and ask the police to check up on him. I would also contact his parents and let them deal with him.

ChaoticKate · 14/11/2019 17:54

I second the suggestion about calling the police or ambulance. We did this for my friend’s abusive husband after they had separated. He had been sending messages suggesting he was going to end it all every few weeks and then one evening the threat was more immediate than normal. We were 90% certain it was simply down to the fact that he was losing control of her however were not prepared to take the risk that we could be wrong. We phoned the police and ambulance and simply read his messages to the dispatcher who took the decision to send a unit out to check on him. Apparently he was absolutely fine. He has never made the same threats again.

Original poster
Itsallchange · 14/11/2019 18:59

Thank you for all the suggestions when I’m feeling strong I block him and then I’m lulled into a false sense of security and bam he gets back into my head.
If someone is suicidal do they normally tell people first?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/11/2019 19:33

TBH no they don't...

Elieza · 14/11/2019 19:52

I dont know if life policies pay out for suicide. So if he did lull himself your kids wouldn’t be any better off. You could start with that comment before you block his ass. People who really mean it go off somewhere and do it. They don’t give obvious warnings.

iamthrough · 15/11/2019 09:28

I agree with all the other posters above. He is just trying to get your attention. Just ignore him. My ex did the same.

Then he pretended he might have cancer.
Then he was going to loose his job.
If you're genuinely concerned about his well being discreetly contact one of his family or close friend and I can almost guarantee the behaviour will stop. I told his Mother - and guess what - the cancer diagnosis was never mentioned ever again. that was 2 years ago and we've both now moved on and he no longer uses any of this behaviour.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/11/2019 09:31

'That's very worrying, so I'm going to stop replying to you now and call the police to do a welfare check on you, and call your parents/best friend/work colleagues to let them know.'

Will stop it quick smart.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 15/11/2019 09:36

God don't engage.........my sister pulls this shit and harsh as it sounds I just alert the police / ambulance and send them round. I refuse to engage. Her poor husband has wasted years of his life to this.

She's never actually attempted suicide. I mean she's messaged friends who have had the audacity to say enough to the shit she gives out and told them that she'd tried to kill herself because of them and almost died but she's still here. (( She hasn't () And if she did choose to take that step than that's her choice. There wouldn't be a thing I could do.

Eckhart · 15/11/2019 09:38

I agree with pps. Your objectives are to make sure he's supported if he's serious about suicide, and to stop perpetuating the 'he shouts and you jump' situation.

Ignore him, unless he threatens suicide again. If he does that, call the emergency services without responding to him. He'll stop playing games with you if you get the big guns out.

Span1elsRock · 15/11/2019 09:39

Get the Police to do a welfare check, each and every time.

And I'd make contact via an email address only, that you can check when you're ready to. Block his number.

He's trying to hurt you, that's all. So stop letting him have the chance to.

Original poster
Itsallchange · 15/11/2019 22:48

Oh goodness @iamthrough he’s told me I was making him blind! Yet he was still driving and going to work. It wasn’t until I said surely you have to notify the DVLa that he stopped going on about it!
Thank you all for your input really helpful suggestions

OP posts:
Elieza · 16/11/2019 09:29

You’re making him blind? Why? Too much wanking as you won’t entertain him ha ha. He’s an utter arse. You deserve better.

Original poster
Itsallchange · 16/11/2019 09:51

@elieza he asked me for sex again last night we’ve been separated for nearly 9 months and living separately for 3/4 months and he still thinks I would want to service him. His reasoning sex is so important to him!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/11/2019 09:52

Why are you even talking to him???

Original poster
Itsallchange · 16/11/2019 10:35

Because we have 4 children together I was texting him to arrange drop off as he had some of them last night and he drops in that he wishes I could help him out and that sex is really important to him

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/11/2019 11:01

I hope you rigidly ignore anything strictly not about the DC?

Elieza · 16/11/2019 12:58

Sex is really important to most men. And not so important to most women - (in my experience people, no need to advise you’re a horny lady, I don’t need to know Grin).

Yet they think they are the strong ones. Really? And they also think how when they feel frustrated about lack of sex that this is how women feel frustrated, and it would be like him doing you a favour really if you just scratch each other’s backs no doubt as you must be feeling as frustrated as him.... (again I’ll quantify this by saying that’s in my experience personally and my pals, but yeah some women have high sex drives but I think they are in the minority, in my experience).

CallmeAngelina · 16/11/2019 13:03

As someone said above, I don't think Life Insurance policies pay out for suicides.
Maybe let him know that, if he mentions it again.

bullyingadvice2017 · 16/11/2019 14:42

My ex used to do this. In the end I called the police and said I was concerned for his welfare. He never did it again. Months later in a row he told me how I was dramatic sending the cops round and they asked to go I the house and checked on him like he was gonna kill himself..... pillock

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