Separated from DH in July. He has moved to his mothers.
Instigated by me but a long time coming. He hadnt worked in 15 years due to CFS and contributed very little to family life both financially and emotionally. He also started to have mental health issues and suffered a paranoid psychosis that he believes is real and has stopped taking medication.
I have found it very difficult as we were together over 20 years and the guilt has been immense. He has taken it very badly and has reacted very angrily and in some cases abusively.
My 3 DC aged 8 to 16 have seen him intermitently when taken there by a relative. He will not drive to collect them. He says it is his illness making him too weak but I suspect its also parnoia as he has only left the house 4 times in the last 5 months.
They have been seeing him on a weekday evening and a saturday afternoon but it has begun to be strained. He does not take them anywhere, and they spend the visit in one room driven there and back by relatives. The last visit he spent his time on his phone on a dating app and insisted on showing the elder two dc despite them saying they were uncomfortable and asking him to stop. Eldest dc started crying. He told them mthat was the new reality and it was my fault they were in this situation.
He speaks innapropriately and runs me down. He texts them and tells them that I have thown him out like a piece of shit.
He uses a fair amount of emotional blackmail and has told them that at some point they will have to choose who to live with etc.
After last weeks visit when they called me to ask to come home early I insisted he drive them home. He did but then proceeded to come into the house and remove the tv as he stated that he had paid for it.
He was angry that they asked to leave him early and told them he was busy the following week so they couldnt see him and that he wouldnt be texting or calling them again, they they should contact him !
It has now been 10 days since any contact between dh or dc. DC do not want to see him presently. They feel sad and uncomfortable with how he is behaving.
DH hasnt text or called them either.
I dont know what to do ?
I feel horrendously sad and guilty that our seperation is making him behave like this but he cannot do this to the children.
Should I suggest they call him ?
Should I just stop all contact ?
Am I allowed to do that ?
Please help....