Husband says he won't see son

[FlowerPower25]

Hi everyone, not sure if this should be here or in relationships but...

Things have been rocky in my marriage recently, but we're trying to work through things. However, husband has this repeating line that if we separate (which he insists would be my choice, not his), he would remove himself from our son's life.

He seems to genuinely believe it's better for children to grow up in stable 2-parent households, and because he believes marriage really is 'until death' and wouldn't remarry himself, it's my responsibility to find a new husband so our boy can have that stable home.

I think that's complete bollocks, and argue that if he steps out of the boy's life, however much I tell him his father loves him, his absence will only reinforce the message his father didn't want/love him.

Has anyone had experience of a parent completely removing themselves? What impact did it have on the children? For the record, he is actually a great father, which makes this even stranger...

Sounds like emotional blackmail to me....

Yeah emotional blackmail so you don't end the marriage and if you he will blame you forever.

He's a fucking idiot.

Yep, ex did this when my DS were 5 and 4. They're 21 and 19 now. He's never seen or spoken to them since. His loss.

Basically, you're completely right. He's trying to control you with these threats. And he's an absolute twat, and you should go ahead and get rid, obviously. If this is his MO, perhaps your son might be better off without him in his life, however hard that that might be.

Doesn't sound like much of a father tbh, if he does what he says he's going to do then I think you and DS would've much better off without him.

I'd start gathering evidence of his emotional abuse and useless parenting and your good parenting.

Something about this makes me sense that he may actually fight you through family court to attempt to take your child away from you.

How old is your son? To be honest, if he’s decided this is what he would do and your marriage is not great, I would probably leave sooner rather than later if your son is under 3. Older is trickier and you would need to weigh up the impact on him of growing up in a house with unhappy parents as his relationship model or leaving and risking his dad removing himself from your son’s life.

He is trying to control you and he is a fucking idiot. Surely this makes you realise that you are absolutely right to be splitting from this nasty piece of work.

If could walk away from his son, he doesn't love him so don't tell him you'll be reassuring your son that he does.

Yeah that's weird.

I love spending time with my boy. A friend of mine is even disappointed he can see his non biological son after seperation.

Sad for your son and him.

"Can't"