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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Enagaged before divorced

19 replies

LanternLighter · 04/11/2019 18:53

I’ve got the decree nisi but the financial settlement is taking a long time and looks like it will be going to court now.

I am in a new relationship which is very out in the open. My new partner will be moving in and supporting me and dc’s for now as that is the only way financially I can keep the house.

Me and new partner really want to get engaged. On the one hand I want to announce it to the world...ex has f*** up my life enough as it is I don’t want him controlling it any more but I’m also worried it will somehow affect the settlement.
Any advice? Should I wait or get on with my life?

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 04/11/2019 18:56

I would wait. What difference does it really make? Getting engaged won't stop ex trying to control your life.

PicsInRed · 04/11/2019 19:04

It WILL affect your settlement, especially if you are cohabiting.

So much so that your ex will be able to request disclosure of your partner's finances, and will probably be granted this by the court. You will be considered less in need as you will be considered supported by a new partner.

Find another way to keep the house or you will destroy your financial settlement for a relstionship which may not even exist in 12 months time.

Woodlandwitch · 04/11/2019 19:05

I was pregnant with new DF before divorce was finalised

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2019 19:08

You need to wait. Engagement means nowt, too, only marriage does. Pretty unwise to rely on someone you are not married to you for financial dependence. Anything can happen.

cocomelon23 · 04/11/2019 19:21

A new relationship and you're moving in with him and bringing your kids? Shock

Original poster
LanternLighter · 04/11/2019 19:33

@PicsInRed Ex already knows we intend to cohabit so am fully prepared for him to ask for dp finances, I can’t hide that from him.

Do you think it will make any difference if we’re engaged though?

OP posts:
Original poster
LanternLighter · 04/11/2019 19:36

@cocomelon23 yes although he’s actually moving in with us.
Dp has treated my dc better since he’s known them than ex has their entire lives

OP posts:
cocomelon23 · 04/11/2019 19:41

Everyone is nice at the beginning of a relationship. How long have you been together? Please be careful op.

Original poster
LanternLighter · 04/11/2019 20:04

@cocomelon23 thank you Smile I was with ex for 22 years though and he turned out to be a lying cheat!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 04/11/2019 20:08

I am in a new relationship which is very out in the open. My new partner will be moving in and supporting me and dc’s for now as that is the only way financially I can keep the house.
What are the time lines here, OP?
Your post makes your new relationship sound very new and a bit transactional. Sorry.

LesLavandes · 04/11/2019 20:29

You should wait!

beckyvardy · 04/11/2019 20:36

How long is a long time? Years or months?

If it's going to affect your financial settlement you would be wise to wait.

After all, if your getting married your going to have the rest of your lives together.

Brakebackcyclebot · 05/11/2019 08:26

www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2018/07/31/dating-and-living-in-sin-during-divorce/

Read this OP for the legal implications. Ultimately It's up to you of course. Only you can decide and make an informed decision based on information.

Your decision currently sounds an emotional one. They don't always work out so well....

Everydaylife · 05/11/2019 08:28

It doesn’t sound like a wise move to me. The moving in especially will have an impact on the financial settlement in divorce. Why can’t you wait?

Brakebackcyclebot · 05/11/2019 13:47

Your financial settlement will affect your future FOREVER. Your new relationship may not last that long... Mine didn't and I would have been screwed financially if I'd done what you are thinking of doing.

Still, up to you. We've all warned you!

dontalltalkatonce · 05/11/2019 15:46

You cannot afford the house without your boyfriend and you cannot afford to effect your settlement by moving your boyfriend in. The upshot is that you cannot afford the house. One of the top ways women screw themselves in divorce is trying to hang onto a house they cannot afford. 'Oh, but I can't move! The kids!' Well, if you cannot afford the house on your own it needs to be sold. That's divorce and life.

It is completely foolish to jump into another relationship and become financially dependent on a boyfriend. I mean, really, really dumb when you have kids to support.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/11/2019 15:50

Do you think it will make any difference if we’re engaged though?

No, the law doesn't recognise anything but marriage or civil partnership.

Drabarni · 05/11/2019 16:00

How new is the partner? I'd give it year before introducing them and several before moving someone into their home.
Financial situation is not a good reason to move someone else in.
Also, you sound very angry and perhaps bitter after what I can only imagine was a rough time.
Give yourself time to heal before moving on, it could be a big mistake at this time.

MarieG10 · 06/11/2019 12:40

Be aware if your partner moves in before the financial settlement it cause cause more issues to disagree about

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