How do you know? (Splitting with teenage kids)

[tumpymummy]

...when it's time to split up? DH and I argue all the time. I feel like we cant talk about anything anymore. Ds goes to university next year and DD15 is pretty independent so wont be long until she also leaves. I am dreading being without the kids. We have been together nearly 30 years, our lives are completely meshed together. I have no desire to be with anyone else and I dont think he does either, but we do not make each other happy any more. How do you know when it's time to split?

Very hard decision to make. I don't have the answer. Couples counselling might be a way forward - it doesn't always save the relationship, sometimes the outcome is that one or both has a clearer idea that the relationship has come to a conclusion. Either way, it can give you a feeling you did all you could

Try to get a hold of Mira Kirshenbaum’s Too Good to Leave, too Bad to Stay, it’s got some good advice on making the decision on whether to go. Does your 15 year old have important exams coming up? They might be more upset than you expect (again might not). If you are going to split, that might be a consideration for both of you, maybe enough to be kind to each other until exams are done, even if it’s not going to work anymore in the long run.

Thankyou verysadpants. Seems obvious but I hadn't really thought about impact on kids as they must hear us arguing sometimes. They both have important exams next summer, so you're right we need to be nicer to each other.

Just divorced myself and my kids were about the same age as yours

How I made the decision finally, was.....
They both asked me to do something to sort out the circus we were living in.

And our arguments were turning us into people were weren’t. It escalated to physical abuse.

Be very careful how much your kids. See, hear. It affects them more than you think.
I have lost my dd due to the divorce, and that’s after she saw the abuse and asked me to find a way to make things safer for her
Good luck