I've been married for 10 years and with my dh for 12. We have 2 dd's aged 6 and 9. 2 years into the marriage my dh stopped all intimate contact and there was no hand holding, kissing or sex. It stopped as we had a number of issues unrelated to the relationship (unwell child in and out of hospital, redundancy etc). I think he was depressed but wouldn't get help. I'm my 10 year marriage I have had sex 5 times in the last 7 years and not been kissed or had sex at all in the last 4. In addition to this, I earn almost 3 x his salary so have gotten myself in debt paying for the kids clothes, shoes, clubs, days out and family holidays. He doesn't try to progress at work and has lost jobs previously for lack of work ethic. I do most things around the house but get accused of nagging if I ask for help. We have slept in separate rooms for 4 years as dh needs an op for chronic snoring which he refuses to have. Throughout the marriage there have been bereavements and hard times and dh developed a drinking problem. He is erratic and rude when drunk and we have lost most mutual friends. He isn't a bad person, he is lovely to me but a bit like a lost child that I have to parent and with work and two other kids who have health issues, it's hard work. After a year of marriage counselling we decided to separate but have remained living together. I asked him to stop drinking and support us more by helping me out more. He didnt do either and we are now nearing the end of the year and I told him I wanted a divorce. The last 2 weeks he has turned it around and has stopped drinking and is being more helpful. I'm so torn, I dont want my kids to have to undergo upheaval of divorce, I'm scared of going it alone and I do care for dh, he is a great hands on dad for example. On the flip side I dated briefly, while we were separated, and found joy in being found attractive by a man, holding hands and feeling closeness. Dh promises to address the intimacy if we for back together but I dont want the next 40 years to be hard graft, having to do everything with him slipping back into drinking and having no sex, cuddles etc. What do I do? This is eating me up alive