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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

It’s not worth fighting over money

21 replies

Inliverpool1 · 14/10/2019 11:34

Do other people get these comments ?
Yes I’m pretty sure it is worth fighting over 2 years after tax salary in equity to ensure my kid has a roof over its head. I keep getting these comments off family and friends though

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 14/10/2019 12:33

Women are expected to go quietly and take what they're given in order to reduce awkwardness and make everyone else comfortable - to the woman's own long term detriment.

Fuck that.

Be noisy and get yours OP. These people won't be paying your bills or supplementing your pension in old age. In fact, the worse off you are, the less you'll see or hear from them after taking one for the team, you'll be too depressing for them They get precisely zero say in your finances (and any court cases thereof).

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 14/10/2019 12:50

It’s bloody true isn’t it ?
Even my own friends are saying it’s not worth it, I bet they wouldn’t turn it down though 🤬

OP posts:

hairtoss · 14/10/2019 19:41

Exactly what pics said!
I get looks that translate as ... you didn't go out and earn that money so you should have any of it.....fuck them... the sacrifices I made for his career and the shit I put up with.... I earned every penny and more and I am not going home without it!

hairtoss · 14/10/2019 19:42

Ps I did bring a lot of money into the marriage too....but of course ex doesn't remember that bit

HollowTalk · 14/10/2019 19:43

You know damn well those people would fight tooth and nail if they were in your situation, OP.

stucknoue · 14/10/2019 20:04

It depends. We are trying to be amicable. Stbexh knows if we went to court I would be awarded a lot ... I have the trailing wife overseas, multiple cities, disabled adult dd (autism so lifelong) instead of arguing he offered the house and he will pay the mortgage on it until it's paid off, he also give £600 a month spousal maintenance (kids over 18). I probably would get more through court especially with the dependent adult card but we have plenty with what I earn pt so prefer to keep it amicable

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 14/10/2019 21:34

@stucknoue did you read the bit about how I’m trying to keep the roof over my head. Amacable doesn’t come into it nor does it house me

OP posts:

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 14/10/2019 21:34

@stucknoue did you read the bit about how I’m trying to keep the roof over my head. Amacable doesn’t come into it nor does it house me

OP posts:

millymollymoomoo · 14/10/2019 21:51

Well it’s not worth fighting if the value of the pot is less than the cost of doing so.

Is this particular roof the only option and is what you’re asking for ‘reasonable’ based on the assets available?

waterSpider · 14/10/2019 21:52

Depends how much there is.

Surprisingly easy to spend £20k+ on solicitors arguing about a difference of £20k in assets. Still, some people would rather their legal team got the money than the ex. If kids are involved, and ultimately will inherit, then swapping money between parents is better than spending on costs.

On the other hand ... Could be worth a few grand on a barrister who gets you much more of the equity/pension than has been offered.

Breathlessness · 14/10/2019 21:59

As long as you make a net gain (after deducting legal fees) that’s noticeably bigger than what you’re currently being offered of course it’s worth it.

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 15/10/2019 08:38

I haven’t spent a penny on solicitors and tbh have no idea why people do. He has spent a fortune and they’ve made error after error. Tbh my case or the details of anyone else aren’t the point. It’s the attitude towards women, just fuck off quietly please, it’s not worth it. Well if it wasn’t worth it he wouldn’t be arguing either would he ?

OP posts:

hairtoss · 16/10/2019 02:36

It's very much a mans world op and a lot of people don't really believe in marital assets (see all the threads on MN about married couples with kids that have separate finances.
Generally as women tend to earn less than men and are more likely to be PT women are disadvantaged by separate finances.
My ex is a massively entitled arsehole who hates women and doesn't believe after 15 years of marriage I deserve even 1% of our marital assets.
I am in court as is my right and I will go for all I am entitled for as I am a feminist who refuses to be treated like a second class citizen - I have to hope the courts don't treat me like one - but who knows!

dangermouseisace · 16/10/2019 10:59

I don’t get those comments. But my ex was a financially abusive arsehole, and everyone knows it now!

LizB62A · 16/10/2019 11:03

It's definitely worth fighting over money if it will make a difference.
I made a mistake and believed my ex-H when he said he wanted 50/50 custody, so we shared the money from the house when we sold it.
He lied.
After a few years my son was living with me full time (which is what I'd wanted anyway, so was great) and my ex refused to pay any child maintenance after the first few months and lied to the CMS about his earnings (lots of cash in hand and limited company so easy to hide earnings)
If I'd stuck to my guns during the divorce (full custody, keep the marital home until my son was 18, child maintenance) it would have made a huge difference financially to me and my son

Molly333 · 17/10/2019 05:13

My dad said your making a fuss with all those useless solicitors . Give him the house you and the kids will be housed by the council ! We dont speak now

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 17/10/2019 06:41

Oh I was annoyed with mine too, said he never paid maintenance because he knew for a fact it wouldn’t have been spent on me and my sister. Well we will never know will we. Disgusting attitude

OP posts:

pointythings · 17/10/2019 18:59

Of course it's worth fighting! I have two friends who didn't fight and got massively shafted by their cheating exes.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 22/10/2019 17:40

I went all the way to final hearing with my divorce, and got hundreds of thousands more in my settlement than just giving in It was definitely worth it!

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 22/10/2019 18:03

@BatshitCrazyWoman we’ve had the consent order, now the consent order varied and now we are going back again. I took it up the arse from him for years cheating on me. No bloody more

OP posts:

Dacquoise · 24/10/2019 15:11

Yes it is worth fighting for. I ended up with a settlement 7 times the size of ex-h's offer and a clean break so finally free of the piece of work. Didn't have much choice but to fight though as he pursued it to final hearing despite knowing he would lose. Wanted to punish me, idiot.

However, friend's ex-wife run up £100k in joint legal bills to get a very small settlement. Some commons sense required.

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