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Divorce/separation

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It's me again... AIBU

7 replies

Sweetpeach3 · 07/10/2019 07:21

Ok so from previous post youll know iv left my DC sperm donor .... we're having a disagreement over his days to see the "2" children he wants...
I said he can one night in the week he picks them up from school an takes them (saves me seeing him) and one night on a weekend- he can choose the days just make them set days as he knows I have ocd and I stick to a strictly routine. I have breakfast, dinner and tea at the same time everyday and I get so anxious if it's a tiny bit late lol but Just silly things but I love the routine and order. Specially for the kids as itsgood they know we're they know their rountines to.
He thinks he should be able to pick and chose his days because he might want to "go out" with his friends etc but for 7 years that hasn't been possible for me iv never once been out with friends unless I took DC or I got a night off an had spend it with him.
Your 38 and have 7 fucking kids love, going out should be the least of your concerns!!!!
AIBU to make him pick 2 set nights ? Bare in mind he's NEVER put them to bed, got them bathed and dressed- he helped do first baths as a baby that was i, if they wake in the night he starts screaming an stormes off. Last time he had my son - when I left at a previous time an stupidlyyyyyyy came back like a twat- he used to bring DS home to me at 2am because he couldn't cope with him asking for me so now he's asking to have 2? Will he send them home early hours why I have a new born baby? Will he even manage because he doesn't get much time alone with them ever and now my DS is on a lot of medication for been ill an he's havin difficulty with it like behaviour an sleeping as a side effect so he's difficult to deal with atm... he doesn't know what their saying still (2&3yo speach isn't fab) doesn't know what they like to eat blah blah blah it's always """"what they asking, what do they want, will they like this to eat""" you should know your their dad ? 🤷🏼‍♀️
I just want him to have 2 set nights/ days an leave it at that. Don't need to speak as friends when you pick them up or drop them off. Just be civil around the kids and that's that. He just has a big issue with it !?!?

OP posts:
Itsreallymehonest · 07/10/2019 07:25

You need to be sorting this through a mediator. Random days wouldn't work for anyone.

Sweetpeach3 · 07/10/2019 07:28

@Itsreallymehonest he won't do anything like that iv tried but I am sticking with set days I hate been mixed about etc. We have things planned like dance and football on a weekend then I'm due to give birth anytime so I need the routine not just when he can be arsed !

OP posts:
stucknoue · 07/10/2019 07:42

You need court mandated mediation

merryhouse · 07/10/2019 08:50

You have two separate issues here.

One is the routine of access - this obviously needs some sort of mediation as you can't agree it between you.

The other is completely unrelated: your concern that he is unable to cope with the access when he has it. It's difficult for us to know whether this is just learned helplessness ("oh, Sweetpeach3 will sort it out so I don't need to... even if this means I have to drive them home at 2am") or whether the children are actively at risk of not having their needs met.

(I've not seen your previous: are all his children yours? If so I'm awestruck...)

Sweetpeach3 · 07/10/2019 10:09

@merryhouse I think it is just learned helplessness!! But no he's got 4 to other women 4 other women get an then 3 with me. One on the way! x

OP posts:
Otter71 · 07/10/2019 19:37

Is there a reason he wants random days?I sometimes need to change stuff because I have to work and can't change my shift...

Sweetpeach3 · 07/10/2019 19:41

@Otter71 he doesn't work or do anything in particular he goes the gym of a morning. So theirs no reason valid for it.
He said it's incase he wants to go out with his mates on a weekend.... he takes drugs an I won't let him have the kids the day after if he's been out- I think that's reasonable so I offered Friday an he can go out Saturday an die in bed Sunday. Don't see his issue with that
Think it's because I'm trying to be reasonable an have set days an he just doesn't like to do anything I suggest ?
Just a nightmare and I'm more pissed off he doesn't want anything to do with the new baby so when the new baby grows up it's going to think who on earth is my dad whilst he's taking the other 2 out- I don't find this fair what so ever ????

OP posts:
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