Living with husband I no longer want to be with

[scattychicken]

How do you cope? I've got to stay until the kids are bigger as it's too complicated, but honestly, it's doing my head in. He moans about the house, we never go out, he never interacts with the kids, we never go anywhere as a family, he's perpetually at loggerheads with my oldest, he cannot empathise with my mental and health issues which are significant. He works hard, pays the bills and we have a lovely home. He has no friends, looks down at all of mine and their spouses, and shows no sign of trying to make friends locally. He doesn't beat me but he is verbally cruel. Truth be told I give as good as I get nowadays. We've been together 25yrsand honestly I think we've just outgrown each other. I'd rather be on my own. But I've not worked since we had kids. I've got no skills. I'm a good cop and trying to make pathways into it, but it's slow. And I suffer from massive anxiety which makes it hard. I just need someone to tell me they've survived this, and there's light at the end of the tunnel. Pls? Anyone?? 🙏🏻

Not a good cop!! Good cook, and starting to teach!

You need to get yourself financially stable, get a job. Maybe something that you enjoy, you will make your own life. I've been there and now I've split from husband. We're currently in the same house but things are moving forward.

My ability to split involved a 10 year plan to get back to a job I could support myself with. I also needed as I saw it to be in a place where kids were old enough to be left for a while. It was hard but I thought I was doing the right thing. In hindsight I should have found a way to go sooner though. See the GP about anxiety if you need to and go look for work.

I really sympathize as I'm in very similar situation. I've told my husband I want to separate back in December but he's refusing to listen and in complete denial. we are in separate bedrooms and I have now issued divorce proceedings and hopefully this will persuade him I'm actually serious, I think he thinks if he perseveres long enough I'll just change my mind! It's all really awkward and this limbo period is horrible. it's a really positive step to try and work towards getting financially stable so that you can escape, I went back to work in January and I'm so pleased I did as it feels like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck and hope you find a way through x

I’m still living with my husband (and his fucking family-cultural tradition), emotionally I’ve checked out of the relationship but physically, I stay because I have nowhere else to go. So I sort of understand how you feel OP.
I earn minimum wage part time and to move out into a rented place with the kids would be impossible as rent is so high around here.
My mental health was ravaged by post natal depression and issues with living with his family. I can’t change those situations for many reasons and so I just stay and become more and more bitter. I’ve started drinking a bit to numb the loneliness of my evenings.
He says he still loves me but the way I see it is that we are too far gone for things to become as they once were.

Train to be a TA or preschool practitioner.

Volunteer. Do online courses. Work on yourself, bit by bit, day by day. Look online and in your community for advice on CV writing and job applications and interviews. When you get a job, leave him

Good luck. You can do it!

I got to a point where I couldnt go on married to a man who was emotionally and verbally abusive and controlling . I dont think timing will ever be great. You do it when you are ready and you get a gut feeling if when that is.
He is still abusing me now and he moved out! Getting to me via texts or the kids or sometimes still face to face.

It is the longest and toughest journey I have ever been on. And I havent reached the end yet and it is almost two years down the line.

But when your kids tell you dont let daddy control you, you have to get them and yourself out.

You will know when it is time. Do it for your kids and do it for you. 🤗🤗

I sympathise. There isn’t a right time regarding kids ages. My son is early teens. I wish I’d done it when he was a lot younger as ex has turned him against me.
It is not easy but when you’ve had enough you will find a way, however messy and complicated it is.
Living separately in same house is just awful.
I’m out now. Still have to sort out divorce and that is going to be a nightmare.
It’s been hard, emotional and I have really found out who has my back. I don’t regret it. He has really shown his true colours now and they ain’t pretty. He is all about revenge.
Good luck x

You need to start thinking about what you want for the future.
One thing I know is the children will grow up and LEAVE.
Start thinking of all the things you believe you would want to do for you.
One day you’ll get the courage to take the first steps out of this relationship it’s not going to be easy but you will do it and you will survive.

In my opinion people only suffer from massive anxiety because they are miserable.
I had anxiety all the time until my husband left and then felt great. I have no anxiety at all now.
I think know you need to make plans to divorce and retrain for a career. How about going to university and doing nursing or podiatry or something? You could walk into a job straight after.
You could even do this now then leave him when you qualify.
Whatever you do look at all your options then start doing something.
Don't do nothing or you will be stuck there for ever.
I find anxiety generally leaves when you are being proactive. Feel the fear and do it anyway is my rule in life.

I'm not sure I'm at the point where I think my marriage is over but it's certanly very strained. I am a teacher and since having our little one, just over two years ago, I've been 3 days a week. Hub has always resented my job- the holidays and the early finish time. He loves the money I make (or could make), but doesn't understand why I won't go back full time now little one is coming up to free nursery hours.
I have struggled in the past with anxiety and depression, and I felt pushed to the limit before little one came when I was teaching full time, so the thought of going full time now we have him feels very daunting.
I feel proud that I have worked hard to get into a career that I love and have the holidays I do and that I still earn a lot more than him doing three days than he does full time. His work is stressful and he works full time but he isn't paid well. We manage fine now on 3 days but he says it will end in divorce if I don't go back full time because he can't get over my lack of drive for earning more money for our family. It is one of many little things we clash over, but they are coming up very frequently these days. I love him, and don't want to break up, but I value my mental health, wellbeing, and being there for my little one and k know I can't do that being full time.

Any advice from teachers/ partners of teachers and resentment in their relationship?

How old are the kids op? How long do you feel you need to stay?
You really need to start getting your life going again but for you to and the kids, you really need to get out asap

In the same situation. Want to separate but cant yet because of financial issues and family commitments.
Don't know how long it will be. And I am too old to start over career wise.MH issues . But it is a case of bearing the unbearable.
Ashamed to say that I slapped him in the face tonight. Horrible situation.

This is how you cope:

You start planning your way out, you work towards the goal and once you have all your ducks sitting in a row you LTB

This is NOT how you cope:
Sitting at home complaining about how miserable your life is to his side but do NOTHING to change it.

Divorce is like weddings, you have to plan ahead, save money, have a job, get the essential and once you are ready, you take the plunge.

You could start your own business teaching people how to cook in their own homes, start off with simple meals and work your way up to a few special dishes.

You could do this over the course of a few weeks/months depending on the clients needs, you could offer daily, weekly, fortnightly or monthly lessons.

You leave them an ingredient list for the next lesson so they need to provided all ingredients.

You need to work out how to get back into the workplace. See a careers counsellor perhaps, consider studying, volunteering? I'm not in a dissimilar position but kids are adults and I'm on my own, put yourself first, you deserve it