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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

School fees/ bursary?

21 replies

PetulaClarkson · 04/10/2019 13:54

My marriage has gone down the pan rapidly and I don't know if I can stick with DH for much longer. The thing stopping me leaving is that I have a very low paid P/T role and cannot afford to pay my 2 DC's school fees. One is year 10 and the other year 5.

Dc1 is extremely academic and already gets a small discount to their school. They are an exemplary student. DC2 is also very bright. The very thought of them leaving makes me really sad.

Can anyone give me any experience of school fees in a divorce and what happened? Will a school consider a bursary for a student, or even 2 very good students in order for them to say. My DH is a very high earner but I don't think he is going to pay maintenance and school fees.

OP posts:

Original poster

PetulaClarkson · 04/10/2019 13:55

Just to add I was a SAHM and followed my DH around the world with his job in remote locations (think oil and gas) and was unable to work for a lot of this and now all I can get is a p/t retail job.

OP posts:

sanityisamyth · 04/10/2019 13:58

I got a work discount for the school my DS went to so I was quite lucky.

ExH e-mailed the school to say "he was not to be held liable, in part or full for any of the fees". He had just inherited a huge sum of money.

I was left to pay up to £800 a month every month for 3 years whilst he was at the school.

If he does contribute you're lucky. It's not part of maintenance so it's not compulsory.

Couchpotato3 · 04/10/2019 13:59

If your DH has paid the school fees up to now, why would he not continue? They are his kids as much as yours. Why would the fees suddenly be your responsibility alone?

LIZS · 04/10/2019 14:00

They might to see the eldest to gcses rather than be disrupted but you have other options at year 5. However why would he not continue to fund it?

BigusBumus · 04/10/2019 14:06

A close friend of mine was in a similar situation and as couchpotato3 says, why would he think he could just stop paying the fees like he'd always done?? In my friend's case he said he was going to stop, so my friend took him to court and the judge practically laughed at him and ordered him to carry on paying them, as well as child maintenance and buying them a small house to live in. She has a pt job and her own small business and gets by fine.

dontpooyoureyesturnbrown · 04/10/2019 15:28

I imagine that he won't pay as it's not compulsory as part of maintenance. Good luck finding a place at a good council run school though. It took us nearly 2 yrs to get ds into our local.

TheRollingCrone · 04/10/2019 15:35

Must be really worrying Petula can you speak to a lawyer to see what their take would be on continuance of school fees after divorce?

Really helpful and compassion itself @dontpooyoureyesturnbrown

millymollymoomoo · 04/10/2019 15:49

Depends on the financial circumstances really. He could be ordered to pay them as part of the divorce settlement but it’s really going to come down to how much he earns, what assets there are and affordability

When couples divorce undoubtedly there is less money as two households need to be catered for.

The school may assist with additional burserys - you can only ask -

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/10/2019 15:59

I've known hundreds of divorce settlements include school fees. Why would your husband stop paying them? Presumably he would want the DC to stay in their schools?

I haven't known any schools to give a bursary or whatever. It's not redundancy or something- your husband has the means to pay.

Marylou2 · 04/10/2019 16:16

Definitely ask him first about school fees. Presumably he's as invested in privately educating his children as you are. When you say he's a high earner, are we talking enough to pay school fees and maintain 2 separate households? Also are there grandparents on both sides who might be persuaded to chip in for education? If they're planning to leave money anyway it might be better to give it now and actually see the benefits it brings to their DGC.

Original poster

PetulaClarkson · 04/10/2019 16:35

He earns 300k a year

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 04/10/2019 16:39

get legal advice

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/10/2019 17:17

£300k is definitely enough to see his DC in private school, if that has always been a priority to you

sleepingbeautyaurora · 05/10/2019 08:08

It's sound advice to keep in mind the waiting list for state schools if you have to move over to them.

spoonyJoe · 05/10/2019 08:15

Schools are businesses and I can’t imagine them giving the children of a man who earns £300,000 a bursary.

Obviously the best plan is to get it in your divorce settlement that the fees for school will be paid.

However, your children will be fine if they go to a state school along 93% of children in the uk. It will be sad, and it will be another change for them but they will get through it.

I’d start looking at schools now. It will put your mind at rest. It’s a good time to look anyway at secondary schools and the open days are at this time of year.

stucknoue · 14/10/2019 20:12

See a solicitor, he's a very high earner so they can order spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance especially for the older child. I was told I would get it through university, possibly for life due to international moves and disabled child

Inliverpool1 · 23/10/2019 07:21

The alternative is you leave him with the children. They are quite grown up enough for him to cope but even if you do it for a month it’s worth it just to impact his life sufficiently to make your point and ensure he looks after you all.

AnotherNewt · 23/10/2019 07:32

Bursaries from the school cannot generally be used when there are two parents who aren't between them able to afford the fees. It is about inability to pay, not disinclination so to do.

I think you will need to seek a specific order compelling the continuation of the payment of school fees.

fedup21 · 23/10/2019 07:36

Bursaries from the school cannot generally be used when there are two parents who aren't between them able to afford the fees. It is about inability to pay, not disinclination so to do.

I was thinking this. The school is a profit making business. They aren’t going to want to lose profit so your DH can keep his money lining his bank account.

What makes you think your DH will stop paying? Was it you who pushed for them to go private?

AnotherNewt · 23/10/2019 08:02

I've just spotted a typo - I did of course mean two parents who are able between them to pay (not aren't)

They might allow a brief hiatus in payments whilst finances sorted out, but expect to be charged interest in it.

I know this sounds a bit harsh. But bursaries are not there for families, whether intactor divorced, who can afford the fees. If you cannot pay, he is disinclined to, and there is no court order compelling him to, then seek another school (try to keep the y10 in same place until after GCSE - probably 4 terms to find, and payment plan over a longer time?)

But why wouid he refuse to pay? There is a risk here that you are catastrophising. Is he happy with the schooling to date?

(Also time to dust off your CV and work out a route to better paid employment)

catspyjamas123 · 23/10/2019 10:18

I think the people saying “why would he not pay” are being naive. Many men seem to suddenly think the children are not their financial responsibility when a couple separate. I’m sure the OP knows how he thinks.

But I’d say seek legal advice. He is a very high earner and I believe the rules about fees and spousal maintenance are very different in such a case.

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