Financial matters during divorce

[Howwillitend]

Hi all,

I'm representing myself at the moment during a divorce, but have a 'casual solicitor' I speak to for guidance and advice. I received his formE today and discovered his true extent of income and expenses. Although his work takehome is only £20,000 now, he took voluntary redundancy from his previous and got £17,000 payout plus his gf pays £600pm to share costs now she's moved in.

He has spent a total of £36,000 in a year, and reduced his redundancy pot to £3000, and kept his £6000 credit card debt. He secured another job straight away and now pays cm the government minimum of £250 pm. My boys are 4 and 7, one with autism and I'm scraping by as self employed with benefits due to my low income. I've paid all mortgage and bills alone for last 2.5 years, sold anything I had of value to get by (engagement ring for £200), had no luxuries, holidays, nights out or in hotels, and he's spent on average £550pm on himself alone, on stuff, shows, collectables, plus more for travel to and from London. He wants me to give him £25,000 to come off the mortgage. He also has a pension pot £20,000 bigger than mine and a healthy inheritance due of about £40,000.
I think we have to go to court to sort this out. Any guesses on outcome? I cried when I saw how much he had spent.
Mesher is not acceptable to me as my boys will have nowhere to live when they turn 18, as I would have to sell to pay him back. He still owes my dad £4000 for initial deposit on the house and has been a total sh1t to me for past 2 years.

How long were you married? And how long together total? Depending on whether this was classed as a short marriage or not, will determine the start point of how to split assets.
You say "my boys". Are they both also his or is either the son of a different father? Is he paying appropriate maintenance?
Did your dad put paperwork in place to specify repayment of the loan or was it all càsual and probably not easy to prove if he denies it? If the latter you probably need to write that off to experience too...
How much is equity in the house and has this changed much since separation? Is the 25k he wants around 50%of equity?
Will a mortgage lender let you take over the mortgage in sole name? If not can anyone in your family help? Otherwise you may have to sell and rent or accept Mesher.
Forget the inheritance. If it's due it is probably irrelevant.

Thanks for your response. In answer to your questions...
We were married for 6 years. Together 10 year's total.
Both boys are ours.
He is paying appropriate maintenance.
The loan from my dad was a verbal agreement, but he has kept written records of how much we have repaid and when, and can evidence the money going into his account.
The equity in the house is £125000 and this was £132000 when he left and stopped paying.
He has offered me to buy him out for £25000 and sign over the house to me, which is a good offer but I cannot remortgage yet, and if I did, I couldn't get afford the buy out, just the outstanding mortgage. I will have a better income soon, but the offer only stands now. If I cannot secure the mortgage in next few months, he then wants 25% of the equity.
I have a partner who may step in on the mortgage with me, but I really don't want him to pay off my husband's share as I see this as my debt. I also want to be financially independent.
I don't want any money from his inheritance, I would just like it recognised as an opportunity for my husband to secure a property without having a need for money from the house.
He has a terrible track record for money spending and I always supported him. I had a full time job for 11 years and had to give up work for the boys as we couldn't afford full time childcare. Part time work wasn't an option. I then took up 3 bank staff jobs to help top money up for the house but with my son's behaviour really challenging I couldn't keep asking my family to step in and look after them anymore. Husband still wouldnt contribute more to the house (£1250pm of his £2000pm income) and I felt completely relied upon for childcare, running the house, and topping up the shortfall of money for the house. He always had a superiority complex and kept his way of life completely whilst I ran myself into the ground.

I would get your partner on the mortgage and up it by £25k to pay your ex.

Not that the fucker deserves it but it seems the only option right now. Nice for him that he's blown through £14k of his redundancy and kept a debt. Just typical selfish behaviour.

However, £25k on a house with £125k equity is a good deal. If your partner is going to go on the mortgage, get a legal document drawn up to ring fence some of the equity for yourself to protect you and your children. This is what I would do

I know it wa sdmt what you asked but please make sure you've applied for DLA.

List all finances

Yours

His

Mortgages

Debt

Separate them into columns.

Then by row seperation them into pre and post marriage and again by after seperation.

That will give you a clearer picture in what the marital pot is

Thanks for all your advice. Had a meeting with the mortgage advisor yesterday and discovered we cannot come onto the mortgage as he cannot earn enough. He is the director of his company and would need to increase his wage and take more from the company for 3 years before they would consider his income.
It's complicated and hard and I feel every option I have had and explored has led back round to a judge simply number crunching and making a decision for us. I dread the Mesher. I think it's sexist and archaic. I would pay the mortgage and interest rate alone for the next 14 years, he paid in 1/2 with me for 6 years and he gets a wedge of cash, having not paid anything near what he put in, and I have paid thousands of pounds in interest. I have raised his children. I would be forced to live alone. Then I have to sell the house and start again with less money to rehouse me and the boys, as let's face it, an autistic son at 18 will not be living independently. 3 adults in a small flat somewhere, whilst ex takes his money and adds it to his pot whilst probably already in his own home with years of income behind him, inheritance and living the life of Riley all this time. I had a career, I earned more then him, I helped pay off his debts, had to leave work, then realised he was actually an arsehole in every sense. I ran out of excuses for him. He wasn't a proud and strong man taking the lead. He was an arrogant controlling one who didn't like to share with his family. Sorry, a bit of a rant there!

I will compare finances before and after it all happened, including when I had a career. Maybe it will help when the judge sees how much time I have put into my case and the evidence will hopefully speak for itself.

When you say your partner can’t go on the mortgage I wouldn’t take the mortgage advisor word as only option. When I split not married I was given crazy advice from a so called financial advisor. I ended up telephoning l&c broker who searched whole of market and pointed me in direction of mortgage company willing to help my personal circumstances. I understand why you want to avoid mesher order, mine was amicable split but I was told I had to take him to court by my own mortgage company which was frankly unprofessional and load of rubbish.

Thanks for the advice, he really did emphasise with a throw down of his pen that he can't help me and I (frustratingly) ended up in tears. I had been so hopeful I could succeed, my combined income, although sadly a lot of it in in helping me from tax credits, is accountable. I paid in to the system for 15 years, as did my family their whole working life and I'm the first to have to claim, so I soothe my conscience that way. I will keep trying online, there must be someone who will take me seriously.

I am getting A divorce after 13 years but we have been separated for 5 years. I paid more into the house eg all bills and food. My husband has a gd police pension £1600 per month. I have no pension (when I met him I had two houses one of which weas rented for my pension . My husband retired 1 year after the marriage . So he said I am not entitled as he worked 24 years in pension. He wants to keep all his pension and have half the equity in the house
I still work. my pension at age 67! We are going through the divorce because he wants to keep all his pension and half the house. I feel this is unreasonable as my house in Greenwich was sold to pay his debts. Please can someone tell me the likely outcome. No kids and I am 58 - to old to start a pension.