Feeling trapped and desperate

[BlackTulip71]

I'm trapped and don't know what to do.

In brief. DH had an affair a few years back. We stayed together. Then 2 years more inappropriate behaviour with women, but no affair. Also lots of inappropriate things, debts and generally more interested in golf than family. He spends a fortune and time on golf. So 18 months ago, enough is enough. I've told him I want to divorce. We have 2 girls 12 and 11 so this decision did not come easy to me but I am 100% clear on the future.

He has been in denial. From this january he agreed to go to mediation if after we tried relate. We did relate. He then refused to go to mediation. I did go.

After still no more acceptance and me trying to keep things amicable. I have submitted a c100 to the court and also filed a Form A re financial order. I may have been advised incorrectly but at this time i have not yet submitted a Divorce petition. Maybe I have done this wrong?

We had a court hearing today. FHDRA. but the judge had to withdraw the court order as it was deemed premature as we are still living in the same house.

I want to stay in the marital home a) for the continuity for the children b) because I can afford to buy husband out.

But he won't go. Which I suppose is his right.

I could report abuse to police as he grabbed me by the throat on Saturday during an argument and have him removed from the home, but I don't feel this is the way I want to proceed.

Is there any other way to "force" him to leave the home ? We own it in joint names.

I honestly don't know where to turn to next. Any help or even just some reassurance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

If you want your husband to go you'll have to apply for a court order but likely wouldn't be successful as the courts tend to order the sale of the house and to split the proceeds

It's a shame you didn't ring the police when he had you by the throat as they would have removed him and given you a chance to apply for a restraining order.

I thought you could live together in the same house, but with separate sleeping arrangement, food and generally no sharing?

I know what you are saying. I understand I can still contact the police and have him arrested. I can then apply for a occupation order to keep him for the home.......... I just want a divorce !!!

@maternityleavequestion we sleep separately but because other parenting in the house is currently shared, it means they couldn't do anything.

But you've lost evidence now. You won't have red hand prints around your neck for a start. That's why it has to be done at the time.

To late for regret that’s done and dusted .I hope he doesn’t do such again.
As much as you want the divorce now it’s not going to happen so quickly.
He has every right to stay in the house you both own it.
Get a solicitor and apply for the divorce unreasonable behaviour.Hopefully he might agree to mediation if not you get that signed that he refused then it goes to court.
This really is the method I prefer least but some like mine it’s the only way to get to an end

Start the divorce. Get the ball rolling on that. The finances and therefore the house will all have to be sorted out then.
I also have a head in the sand H who I am divorcing, living with, and Co-parenting with. It's not a lot of fun but it's the only way as he refuses to go (and I own the house solely so I cannot leave). Eventually, he'll have no choice. You may have to go to court, but one step at a time - once you've started the divorce process he might start to engage. If you do end up in court, it won't look good for him, that he refused to turn up to mediation.

Call the police, formalise the accusation - it will be taken more seriously if you are willing to make a statement.

Apply for an urgent occupation order on the basis of safety concerns. Include grabbing your throat.

The courts won't necessarily require the house be sold if you and children need to be housed. See a good solicitor.

Apply for the occupation order non notified - you remain at court until.you are called to speak with the Judge.

Have the police assist you with serving the order and removing your husband.

Grabbing your throat, he is very dangerous.