Divorce due to adultery

[Mylifestartstoday]

I’ve just read that I would have to file for divorce within 6 months of finding out he had committed adultery. For some reason it’s important to me that I divorce for adultery, and not unreasonable behaviour but I’m not ready (nor can I afford) to file for divorce. I also want to name the woman but my solicitor says that is frowned upon.
Any advice?

It matters not a jot if you file for adultery vs unreasonable behaviour and naming her is likely to only inflame an already difficult situation. Why is it so important ?

It doesn't make any difference, I know you're incredibly hurt but if you're not ready then don't do it and let it go that it won't be for adultery.

I don’t know why it’s so important, and I need to work out why

I filed on adultery but I didn't name the other party. The reason being is the adultery seemed clearer than going into unreasonable behaviour. I felt unreasonable behaviour was more likely to be contentious with my STBXH than the adultery that he had already admitted to.

The advice I was given was that if they dispute the adultery, the onus was on you to have proof that the adultery has occurred. Will your ex contest it? Naming the other person can mean the divorce takes longer and honestly, it's only going to cause more drama. Don't give the OW the power!

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. It is so hard but it will get easier. I now think of my ex as my least favourite babysitter for our children. Trust that the OW sucks. Trust that your ex sucks. Just get through it as quickly as you can. for you and get yourself over to Chump Lady.

I think filing for divorce is £550 but you can claim the costs back from the other party if it's adultery? (Someone correct me if I'm wrong).
The 6 month rule is the rule...no way around it. You could use unreasonable behaviour and add it to the list, but he might get in there first and petition you for divorce.
Just get in with it is my advice, mine has been dragging on for 3 years....plenty of time to get my head around it. My ex is very much my past now, that door is closed and that's really needed in order to move on.

Advice? Don’t get hung up on this.

Look at the bigger picture.

I think filing for divorce is £550 but you can claim the costs back from the other party if it's adultery? (Someone correct me if I'm wrong).

Never heard of that

I also thought adultery ment the cheated had to pay for the divorce, I could be wrong.

I’ve been overthinking things, it’s like I needed it in black and white what he’s done, but you’re all correct, it doesn’t really matter, what matters is that I start the process, which I’ve done today.

I was advised by solicitor two weeks ago not to go down adultury route, the ow has to be named as do dates and places. We have a son so I would never want him to come across that paperwork. Was told I can file under unreasonable behaviour- reason being unappropriate sexual relationship with 3rd party.

You and your h would have to agree on the listed dates, places times you cant just put down times you suspected.

The OW does not have to be named unless your ex contests the divorce. If you both want the marriage to be over, adultery is the quickest way to get a divorce through.

I have just had my absolute come through.

I did the divorce all by myself online and cited adultery. I also named the ow. I paid the costs but he agreed to pay me back.

The six month rule is if you still live with him after you have found out about his adultery. I filed after four years as I was sick of waiting for him to do it.

Now in the process of changing my surname back and my little girls too! Feels so good

Sorry you're having a tough time OP. I met my husband when he had already split from his wife, had his own home and access to his children but he wasn't divorced. His ex wife divorced him for his adultery with me and named me, sending a picture of the paperwork to me etc. I gave, and still give, not one single shit. If I didn't tell anyone that had happened, nobody would know. I think sometimes people think it will hurt or upset the names woman but it honestly doesn't, it just makes the petitioner look bitter. Don't misunderstand me, you have every right (reading between the lines) to be bitter, but serve him his deserts cold.

@Boozysuzy84. Oh, didn’t know that, although I do know some dates dues to them going away for the day etc. I might quote what you said, under unreasonable behaviour.
@nutty123. He doesn’t live here anymore so I could wait?
@thebakerwithboobs. I hear what you’re saying, and if the OW was prepared to split 2 marriages up (mine and her own) she won’t give a shit.

@Mylifestartstoday
Yes you can wait. As I said, I filed for divorce four years later.
If you still lived with him then it’s like you forgive the adultery.

@Mylifestartstoday

From the gov.uk website

Adultery
Your husband or wife had sexual intercourse with someone else of the opposite sex (committed adultery).

You cannot give adultery as a reason if you lived together as a couple for more than 6 months after you found out about it.

i filed under adultery and named the OW - this was and remains very important to me that they are both responsible for their behavior - it took 2 to have an affair and destroy our marriage.

the court costs can be claimed against exh yes....as can your solicitor fees which are deemed reasonable. My solicitor agreed a set fee with my ex for him to cover my costs, and OW is fighting against her costs but the court has said yes she has to pay 'reasonable costs' too.

@sadwithkiddies. I don’t know her address, so I can’t name her anyway. I think I need to speak with my solicitor regards getting costs back. Why should I pay when he’s the one done wrong

i didn't know OW address either once she moved out of her exdh house.
I gave the name and the bailiffs found her to issue the papers - those costs are now being claimed back from her.

yes definately speak to your solicitor re costs - there is a box you tick on the divorce application saying 'claiming costs back' from respondant (the ex) and you just tick yes.

I divorced due to my ex-husbands adultery but didn't do so until 2 years later so you don't have to rush.
I think you mustn't continue living together up to 6 months after as it's as if you're condoning the adultery ( if that makes sense).
It's your choice if you want to name the OW. Some use agreeing not to name OW as a bargaining tool ( I didn't).
I didn't know any dates regarding the affair but do remember ex had to sign papers admitting to the adultery and give date when first happened (9th December 2014).

I didn't know any dates regarding the affair but do remember ex had to sign papers admitting to the adultery and give date when first happened (9th December 2014)

If a partner puts their hand up to adultery then it is not a problem to go down the adultery route. However, if they deny it will be up to the other partner to prove otherwise.

My solicitor advised me that other than catching them in the act with witnesses it is a very difficult thing to prove. Hotel bills for two, restaurant bills for two and even holidays for two is not enough to convince the courts that adultery has happened even though it is the safest assumption on the planet.

However, the unreasonable route can be used on the basis of such evidence. If someone wants to leave their partner does it really matter how it happens?

To OP

Don't make the mistake of thinking adultery will result in a more favourable settlement for yourself. Cause of divorce is not often taken into account. Domestic violence or wild spending might, but not adultery.

Good luck

The courts literally do not care if anyone cheated.

The courts simply sort out the arguments if each party cannot agree.

You can however name the person and state he cheated on the divorce application. Because it's true.