Want to end it but keep chickening out

[SoUnsettled2]

Hi,
I have been deeply unhappy in my marriage for years now. My husband is 10 years older and we have no affection between the two of us, I stopped sex years ago (even though I’m still very much in need of it) and little in common. I am finding, increasingly, I can’t stand to be around him. Not that he is horrible, he isn’t - I just know I don’t want to be with him. I feel like I have been deprived of a loving relationship.
Problem is (a) we have two children, 15 and 11 and the eldest sits GCSEs next summer AND (b) hubby is a nice person, very placid but I have zero feelings for him. In fact, I feel stupid for marrying him as I didn’t feel right then either.
I am too chicken to say to him I want to leave as I feel sorry for him but then realise I am putting myself into further grief.
I have just landed a new job which will take me away a few days a week so I will get a break from him and clear my thoughts.
Has anyone else been in a similar position? I have told him a few times I am not happy and we are just like friends but he takes no notice!!
We are mortgage free in 6 months.

We sleep separately now btw. Have done a while. My choice.

Hi @SoUnsettled2, I'm in a similar position to you. I no longer have feelings for my husband, and haven't had any feelings for quite some time. We still share the same bed but that's because there isn't a spare room in this house. We have 3 children aged 29, 25 and 16, all of which still live at home.

He asks now and then if I still love him, and through gritted teeth I say yes because I can't deal with his puppy dog eyes. I keep chickening out too, I don't want how I feel to come out during an argument because that would just seem spiteful and selfish but to be honest, I don't think that I have the strength to be honest and upfront with him.

I think we have grown apart over the years, married for 28 years in October and together for 32. I've had my married name longer than I had my maiden name! I can't remember the last time we did anything together or as a family.

Maybe you and I can be of some moral support for each other as we tread this difficult path?

The time on your own should help clear your thoughts. Hopefully, he will also find he enjoys the time alone.
My ex (years ago) did a course which involved him being away Monday to Friday for 12 weeks. It was then I realised that I really didn't want to be with him any more. I used to dread Fridays and even stranger look forward to Mondays (or actually Sunday evenings which is when he went). Think is was another 3 years before we actually split though.

ValleysGirl72
I think we are the same age - 47? My husband is 57 and really does look and act a lot older (which I think is part of the problem). I really regret marrying him and have started to realise that my shyness, when younger, meant I never went out to meet guys my own age! It has bugged me for a long time as I knew things weren't right. I honestly do not know what to do but really feel that we are nothing more than two people living in the same house raising 2 kids. He lacked passion/affection, even when in his 30's, and really does nothing for me now.
Do you think you will leave him? Can you afford to? I can, thankfully but it's more my guilty feelings. I was concerned that it was the peri-menopause causing these feelings as I have been going through that since 45 (my parents also split when my mum was 47/48) but I don't think so. We would get on better apart, I would feel a lot better! I feel trapped a lot! We don't argue as such but feelings get the better of me at times and I can be cruel to him, verbally.

Hecateh,
My hubby has just been away for 2 weeks (he took the kids too) and I loved it! haha

Not sure why my name is different! I changed to Strawberry72 ages ago!

Similar to my situation. I told H that it's definitely over this weekend. We were on a break and it was lovely to be able to walk around in my own home again. He has since moved back in and refuses to leave! At least you will be mortgage free soon, that will make things easier! My children, although upset, are more carefree now and have a calmer home life.

@Strawberry72, yes we are the same age 47, my husband is 48 going on 49, and we've been almost 28 years.

I have felt this way for quite some time and I'm slowly beginning to get things together ie work out how much the outgoings would be, how much my earnings are, if I could claim Universal Credit etc, and I think it's doable - just! Money will probably be a little bit tight for a while until I can pay off some of my debts, but I think I could manage.

I think the only reason why I haven't filed for divorce yet is because I want to use unreasonable behaviour as grounds, but the reasons have to be within the last six months, and every time I try to keep a diary of his drinking habits, he cuts down or stops drinking, it's as if he has a sixth sense!

I can't see the "no fault" divorce becoming law any time soon! This may seem like a stupid thing to say, but on the plus side, it does mean that I can keep squirreling money away and paying off some of my debts.

I just wish that I started saving some money sooner!