Child Arrangements

[ScoobyCan]

Just a query: Mediation got us (highly acrimonious split in early 2017) to EOW / half school holidays and from advice on here I duly wrote a schedule Sept 2018 - Sept 2019 which included EOW / half of all holidays (times and dates etc).

I am loath to "carry" STBXH yet again by producing same sort of schedule this year, and DC are deciding more frequently they don't want to go as "bad things happen" when they are there longer than Fri-Sun; but having had the absolute pleasure of them 2 yrs on the trot at Christmas (Eve, Day, Boxing...) I imagine it will be contentious arranging 25 Dec this year.

What is the normal split for families operating on an EOW basis? Do I need to get my head around having Christmas Day on an entirely different day sob and maybe not even seeing DC on 25/12? Thank you for any suggestions / comments.

Fixating on any one day isn't helful for your children. I have a huge extended family living in various places. I can't remember the last time we had actual Christmas Day (25/12) as the big winter celebration for our family. We typically have 26th or 27th as the get together day. It still feels like Christmas.

You can make your own family traditions, or just follow other national traditions. Plenty of cultures celebrate on 24th, or even on 6th January as the major celebration. As long as you are together and having a good time, why does the date matter?

All the families I know do one parent 23-25, then the other 25-27 ... or along those lines except my friend whose ex is Jewish so he gets hannakah even if it's Christmas (it usually isn't)

I think PP is right, I've had a hell of an 18 months battling with STBXH and it still goes on.

I managed to negotiate Xmas Eve and Xmas Day with my DD last year (as my Mum had died 8 weeks previously and we were spending the day with my Dad).

I am now facing in to the fact that he will 'rightly' have her this Xmas.

Nothing I can do - we don't speak & I agreed to this to be reasonable up front.

I will just be having my little family Xmas Day two days in advance - stockings and all.

Not great but it is what it is.

Thanks all for the replies: @SpringerLink - extended family is one thing, I honestly believe that when talking about my DC9 & 7 it is a little different? We too are all across the world and our family get togethers limited, but as Christmas in my opinion is very much child-oriented I would find it hard not to have part (I see PP suggests 23-25 or 25-27) share of the day, particularly as they are so young (and still believe in FC).

I agree that building our own traditions is important and will help in future arrangements. It's just hard to think how very different it's going to have to be, and I just wondered how others manage.

It'll be our first Christmas since splitting this year but the ongoing plan is for one to have the dc from Xmas eve to Xmas day midday, and the other to have midday Xmas day until boxing day. Or something like that but with us having half of Xmas day each. We might change this once we've experienced it but dc are similarly young ages and things are amicable between us.

My two older girls spend Xmas eve with me then wake up here Xmas day and at lunch time they go to their dads until Boxing day night. We have our Xmas dinner on Xmas Eve. We've done this for about 4 years now and the girls love it - they prefer waking up with their younger siblings and doing all the present opening with them first but then dinner with Dad is nicer than being here because theres a massive extended family on his side whereas I just have my grumpy old mum! I go and help at a local church on Xmas day afternoon doing dinners for elderly people living alone.

Goodness me @Misty9 I wish we could be that accomplished and that civil. Well done you! Any tips?!!

@Flower64 - thank you. That sounds ideal, something I could certainly work with. I like the idea of celebrating on Christmas Eve, waking up together on Christmas morning (particularly to see if FC has come!) and then going out later to keep busy and offer a special day to those who might be celebrating alone.

@MadKittyCatMum I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It must be hard to have to come to terms with the fact it was part and parcel of the reason you had your DC last Christmas and that this year you won't have the luxury of the 25 Dec together. Is there any chance you might be able to negotiate 23-25 or 25-27 as @stucknoue has suggested her friends do?

My dc are 10,5 and 4. I have been separated/divorced for 3 years now. My ex has the dc eow and we alternate xmas and new year. This year because they are all at school and i am back at work and its exhs turn for xmas day, exh will have the first week of the xmas holidays and i will have the 2nd week, so the dc go to his on the 20th and i collect them on the 27th, part of me is sad but im used to it now and i will just work straight through the 24th/25th and 26th. (we also live 3.5 hrs apart so collection at midday on xmas day is impossible).