Hi all. First of all thank you for the support on my previous posts. And sorry I keep on going.
I am so confused in my head right now. Two weeks ago I had, what I considered a happy home.
Now I’m left alone with three kids, no money, no job, still left to deal with all the workload for my STBEXH business (I can’t just drop the projects with customers, it wouldn’t be fair).
Yesterday went for a job interview. And I felt like just running away from it all when I came home. It was like a window of what life is going to be.
Up at 5.30, getting ready three kids, 9 to 6 job, getting toddler from nursery, cooking, cleaning, getting her to sleep, mess again, older kids needing attention too. Crashing by 11.
Sleep. Repeat.
Single mums with multiple kids, how do you do it??!!
I’m worried about money, my sanity, kids. Worried that my head is in a blur.
Going from I don’t want to even see my ex, to desperately longing for him, remembering good times.
Yet were there really good times, or I just took the position of a codependent and wasn’t really happy. But I felt happy. Or convinced myself I was.
I just want to take two weeks off. From this all.
But can’t.
Too much responsibilities. Too many obligations.
Fear that I won’t find a job.
Fear that I won’t get my money back from the property which is on H name. And mortgage also.
(I put the deposit of 32K, but it is not declared anywhere, property is on H name).
It’s like my head spinning in a constant motion.
And children. I adore them and they are great kids, but they drive me crazy right now.
He came over to pick some things up today. And behaved calm.
Is he the same person who threatened me, was emotionally abusive and shouted at me? And told to get out of the house, when the night was coming, with three kids?
I feel broken. And like a biggest loser in the world.
I’m 34. With three kids. Living at my mother’s house and driving the car she gave me. Thank God for her. And that I have such support. I know a lot of women in my situation have nowhere to go...
Just want to cry. But have to get on with things before I pick up my daughter from the nursery.