Is this fair? Help me sleep tonight please?

[Boozysuzy84]

I have a solicitors appointment next monday but can anyone please give me advice. Talking finances with h tonight does this sound fair? We have a 3 year old.

Mortgage for 220 (think valuation will be 210) 175k left to pay. I haven't worked since 2012 when I gave up my job to move to middle east with him and then have stayed at home with son after that . I worked as a retail manager previously earned 20k. Potential earnings of I go back to work full time 20k

Husband offering a straight up spilt of the 220 giving me 22.5k. Wondering if this is fair and I should take it?

He has a car on finance about 10k left but does recieve a car allowance of £500 a month from work on top of his 85k salary which more than covers his £250 month car payment. My car has 5k left on it (£100 a month)

He has a pension total contributions during marriage including Gov contributions 55k. Neither of us has mentioned pension as an asset.

Should I accept the 22.5k? Scared if I challenge him on it ask for more so he will want the valuation amount on house and say the cars are debt? Therefore giving us a settlement of 10k!

Will he have to pay towards childcare if I go back to work? On top of child maintenance?

Will he have to give me anything towards supporting me besides child maintenance until a settlement is reached? Hes asking me to open bank account so he can pay in his minimum child maintenance amounts only and he continue to pay Bills until I find somewhere. He says I've had almost 4 weeks and he wants us tonleave within next month!

If your name is on the mortgage you can stay where you are until finances are sorted. Doesn't make it nice to live in same house , but do not be bullied inti leaving just yet.

Why wouldn't you take some pension?

From the little you've written it sounds like he is pushing you to agree something which is best outcome for him, not what is actually 'fair'. Don't agree anything, take all the financials to your solicitor .

Thank elaeocarpus
My name isn't on the mortgage but we are married. I was just asking him some questions tonight trying to figure him out, he thinks I'm stupid an I wont go to a solicitor. I'm scared he could use the cars a a debt a1nd offer a lesser settlement if I start questioning pension.

stop discussing it with him, he's shown he intends to manipulate this to his advantage so just dint give him any more info at this stage, keep your cards to yourself and just give bland' i don't know' ' I'm thinking about it ' responses.

You need to get an interest in the property logged- the solicitor should advise.

elaeocarpus yes, I was just trying to entice info from him. That will be the only discussion we have now I know his plans. I just played dumb like I didnt know he couldn't throw us out. Wow things dont take long to disintegrate do they? Actually looking forward to the solicitor monday. Xx

You cannot share what isn't there. Sounds like quite limited assets, which would quickly be eaten up with legal fees if things are disputed. Once you add up the assets and remove the debts, take away costs of divorce, won't be much. The exception is the pension -- one tactic might be to ask for more of the equity in return for not getting part of the pension. Alternatively, having a small bit of pension now could be a good idea for the longer term.
If back in the UK, at least the child maintenance from his salary ought to be reasonable -- check the CMS calculator.

Actually if you are splitting the equity in the house he should have said the valuation less the mortgage remaining in the house I.e. 210-175 = 35 = 17.5 so in that way he is being more than fair (original mortgage amount is kind of irrelevant) however agree with pension advice.

Sorry reread - you realise that already.

I think a few things but mainly you are right to get legal advice.

Firstly, if you are accepting the equity, you want a valuation of the house done, and half the equity. His 22.5k is based as far as I can see on the 220 initial mortgage price so that figure may look different depending on the valuation.

What are the chances of you staying in the house as you are the main carer for DC? I am guessing this is the scenario he wants to avoid and why he is so quick to push you to accept and leave. With half the equity, presuming you can earn again, what are your chances of getting a house for you and DC? These are the practical considerations to weight up.

The debts on the cars would presumably be debts of the marriage so 15k means 7.5k each. As you say he is not paying his himself but I don’t know how that would affect a settlement.

The other thing he seems to want to avoid is sharing his pension. Do you have your own?

I agree that legal fees in a dispute will quickly eat up your assets but equally, it is important to be fully informed before making any decisions. If you want something other than he is offering, you can also go to mediation.

His pension amount seems very low for his salary. How long has he been paying into it? Have you seen a statement showing this amount?

pensions are classed as an asset.

get legal advice - agree nothing without.

if he keeps his pension you would get more of the equity in the house - the split is 50/50 if married so his pension definitely counts - he will need a pension forecast and this is taken into account.

hth.

He worked for years in the middle east and you have almost nothing? Earnings can be high in the mid east and can be tax free. I would be concerned he's hiding something. Aside from that, yes, it's a crap deal he's offering.

I would hire a good solicitor and go for full financial disclosure.

PicsInRed the money we saved in the middle -east 40k was used for deposit, furniture, fees for house. (Paid 10k over valuation) He also spend 18k deposit on a car then with the rest on finance.
cocomelon23 I have seen a pension statement saying he joined the pension scheme 2013 (we were married 2012) and up until June this year total contributions were 55k.

KTara I dont have my own pension and I have no idea what i would ever see of his 55k total contributions during marriage? My earning potential is only about 20k so theres no way I could afford £900 a month mortgage, council tax, Bills and full time childcare. Monday cant come soon enough. I feel sick hardly able to eat anything incase he decides to force sale of the house and we all end up with nothing. Making matters worse is there is literally one property to rent in the catchment area, it's expensive and a dump and he seems to think he can put us out! Its looking like we will have to go into homeless/ temporary council housing as its the only way I'll be considered for a council house.

If 55k is contributions, CETV will be higher. He needs to apply for that.
Income is probably very unequal. He may therefore need to give you much more than half. It's based on needs not proportion..Stay safe and good luck

Yes, he can get a CETV from his pension provider or depending on the size of his organisation, the finance person in his work who is responsible for pensions. That is the valuation of the pension.

I am not surprised that you feel ill with this all. However what he says and what will happen are two different things. You are doing the right thing by getting legal advice. He will have to pay maintenance, plus you should be able to apply for some benefits as well as your share of the house (and I honestly do not think he can force a sale of the house until you have a settlement) - and I think you should at least ask your solicitor about the possibility of staying in the house as you have been the main carer (can the mortgage be extended for a longer time/lower payments?)

How old is your son? You mention full time childcare but then also school catchment area - if your son has not started school yet, surely you have a greater choice if you need to move as he is not settled in with friends etc. Where are your friends and family (ie your support network)? If you need to find a job and your son has not started school, I think you can look a bit further afield than your immediate location. Your husband does after all have an expensive car to get around in for contact, and you need to be able to manage. I would honestly draw quite a large radius of possibilities.

You are entitled to the marital share of his pension. Only what was earned during marriage.

It is worked out by taking the value at seperation then multiplied by (length of marriage divided by length of pension).

Note if it's a short marriage, it's easier to work out.

If it's a long marriage things get more difficult as the pension is technically earned by the bank and not by the marriage.

Pensions are a grey area. Every lawyer will tell you that. Simpler to come to an agreement then offset extra cash from another source eg house.

The grey area is because the marital contributions might be £10k but the interest earned (not by the marriage) could be £300k.

It therefore isn't fair to claim £150k.

I should point out that your own pension should also be subtracted from his.