DIY divorce when you have children together?

[Misty9]

Have other people done this without involving solicitors (to the consent order stage at least) and it's been straightforward? Ex doesn't contest at all but wants me to apply and it'll be unreasonable behaviour as grounds. We have two dc and a lot of equity in the house but have agreed 60/40 in my favour. I can't see a reason to pour money away on solicitors unnecessarily?

People will advise otherwise but yes we did. The only part we involved a solicitor for was the consent order but up to that point, we did the divorce ourself through the .gov website. It was all very straightforward and all done by email. It took from submission at beginning of June to receiving absolute middle of December.

We were amicable and worked out how to split everything between us fairly. I had no interest in taking everything, neither did he, just what was fair. I actually took less than I was intended to because of the circumstances we were both in and to limit distribution for the children etc. But I was okay with that. My ex is not an arsehole, he wasn't trying to fleece me.

We did not want to waste money on solicitors we didn't need and we were also concerned that they would drive their own agenda ie making me go for more etc which would have strained relations. As it is, 8 months after divorce, we can still communicate friendly, we text, email etc work out kids stuff and extra costs as friends and I think that's down in part to not having a nasty bitter divorce battle over finances.

Thanks. Can I ask whether you used unreasonable behaviour as grounds? I'm feeling overwhelmed at needing 5 points.

No but it's really easy to do - they don't have to be anything too complicated. DPs wife divorced using those grounds and it was stuff like she felt unsupported etc if you know it's not going to be contested that does make it easier

I did , we had already been spilt for 6 months or so prior to me applying so we had a good idea of how we both wanted it look .

DC's are 50/50 which works well for us due to our jobs and kids seemed settled (and still do 2 years later)

House was rented , no debt and our earnings were similar so he took his car , I took mine , shared out the house contents , no maintenance due as 50/50 , he's got one child benefit , I have the other .

I applied for the divorce and I worried about finding the reasoning for unreasonable behaviour but once I started writing I could have written 10 pages or more .. I googled examples and applied them to my own situation. I was honest and used points that I knew we had already discussed as to why our marriage had broken down so he wasn't in for any nasty surprises . Took 9 months from start to finish .

Exdh and I are good mates now and will often pop in for a coffee and a catch up , we are flexible to each other with kids and will often swap days about or have them back earlier or later to suit the other one , he has actually had them more this summer as his work was quiet and mine was mad but we both know it will even it's self out at some point .

A none conflict divorce had added to the fact we get along now . I can only imagine how it would be if we had had solicitors pushing and pulling between us .

Thanks bikini - your situation sounds very similar to ours and it's really good to hear that your shared care is working out 2 years down the line. Did you have to give dated examples of unreasonable behaviour? We've been split for 5 months now. Lack of sex, emotional support/connection, joint socialising, any interest in doing things together are the main reasons for me. Another really big one is that he is a bit obsessed with our eldest child and focused on the family to the detriment of our relationship as a couple. Would that be reason enough? H is autistic and I'm pretty sure our eldest is his special interest.

Hi, we've mostly done DIY. We saw a mediator initially who helped with setting up a MOU and advised which steps to take when. To fill out the initial form, google is your friend! I found a fab website where I just copy/ pasted the reasons for unreasonable behaviour from.
It's 2 1/4 years down the line for me and still not finalised; the court order application came back several times due to 'unclear wording' and we had to bite the bullet and get a solicitor to help with this. Not heard from the court in a few weeks now, so hopefully they'll accept the latest version! After that's it's just applying for the decree absolute.

@Misty9
All of those reasons sound like good examples , you just need to clear on how it made you feel and why you don't want to continue to feel that way .

My exdh has a special relationship with my eldest ( not his but had had her since she was 5 and is now and adult ) and they used to tag team me , as he was good cop and I was bad , I honestly felt bullied by the pair of them .. her teenage years were not fun ! It's all settled now though .