Help urgently needed worried about what solicitor is telling me

[Changeisahead]

So my solicitor is claiming that I may not get to see my position statement written by my barrister. Until the day of course hearing.

Everyone one else I know has either written theirs or had their legal help write it and then signed it.

My sol told me today my barrister could not keep rewriting my position statement if my ex makes an offer, its irrelevant if he makes an offer, it wont effect my position.

I have told them I am completely unhappy about this and I want to see a draft copy of the position statement, they said they will ask the barrister but they cannot guarantee this. It worries me it could say anything and at that point when in court I can do nothing about it.

My hearing is next Thursday. I want to keep the house and my husband wants to sell its the second hearing.

I am considering if they wont give it to me, if I am likely to lose with his help I might as well lose on my own and not have a bill, so am considering sacking him and representing myself.
advice needed please

Ps the maintenance will be limited to 7 years when the house will be paid off, I have the house as my settlement. I'm going to get a lodger when he moves out to help with other bills

It may be worth pointing out that there is a difference between a position statement and a statement.

A position statement is a summary of your case for the judge prepared by the lawyer based on the docs. Sets out key facts, and legal issues, your position. Not usually signed by the client, but I would - unless it is completely neutral, expect you to see it. You are supposed to send to the judge two days before the hearing but often they are produced at court.

A statement or witness statement is your first person narrative account of events and why you want a certain outcome. You wouldn’t normally have one at FDR in AR proceedings.

@Changeisahead - post this in legal

I understand fully where you are coming from - I was told by my sol house had to be sold. X was very very manipulative and had stalled company valuation. Solicitor told me no way would company be sufficient for me to offset against house - it was!

Influenced my barrister that I was highly suspicious and young barrister agreed house had to be sold.

Lots of shenanigans prior to court hearing bought by X just to force sale. My solicitor persuaded me to attend court without her saying as I wanted to defend sale of home I would do better on my own. Facts are if she had represented me she would have to have presented argument saying not to sell house - this was against her “advice” - she prepared my statement weekend before hearing - she’d been on holiday - x statement didn’t turn up - apparently went into spam folder - I got it at court - as soon as I read it I knew I was sunk - so many lies that I did not have time or emotional capacity to counter it.

I was slaughtered in court - judge didn’t give a toss about what I had to say - over and done with in 20 minutes.

Sols kept telling me I was good case for joint lives spousal - kept saying needed to get to full hearing to pursue this - I had offer from x I wanted to accept - told me I wouldn’t survive financially - they kept proceeds of house - a pot of money available to rack up fees. They ditched me 8 weeks before my final hearing after I confronted them on something they had overlooked right from beginning.

I’ve complained to legal Ombudsman - they have been found at fault over fee charging - I’m still trying to pursue them for other issues. My financial settlement was £200k less than offer - it’s a long story - all on here

I’m still dealing with repercussions of abusive x 5 years later.

Sols didn’t believe me when I told them what he was capable of. I should have trusted my gut instinct when I first doubted them but I did not expect dishonest legals. I suffer with MH - this was used against me.

This is your life - you do whatever you have to to protect your kids - those on here that say you have to trust them - sadly not all are trustworthy - I’m not sure what you can do so close to hearing - one thing you could do is say you want a transcribe of hearing upfront - that way if anything dodgy is going on you have this - put all your communication in email so you have a copy - not that this is full proof as my solicitor blatantly lied.

Good luck op x

@greenberet, can you say what settlement you were given by a judge? The goalposts have changed in recent years so settlements are much more difficult for women (typically the weaker financial party).

Usually CM to 18, spousal if any for a max of 3 years. House is expected to be sold or transferred in lieu of pension. Not sure any awards are more generous unless specific circumstances such as illness or children with special needs.

@Techway spousal for 3 years despite not having worked for 20 years - told can get a full time job. I have long term depression receive PIP in recognition was under MH team twice during divorce process.
Equity from sale of home was eroded by x running up huge debts to tune of £120k - he downplayed value of business so I got nothing for my 50% shareholding and used this to force through sale of home. Judge had email evidence that he had taken on two new employees prior to final hearing which she ignored. Got 60% of pension.

I have purchased a property 200 miles away - 0xford to wales as could not afford anything other than a one bed flat. I have paid ds school fees which x claimed he could no longer afford. This is despite renting a property here at £1600 pm and buying a property up north with OW who also works for the company.

CM was not agreed through court x wanted to pay £640 pm for 2 kids I had to go through CMS to get this sorted. He told them he earned £12k a year so had to go through HMRC and variation to get a more accurate payment.

I have been told my final hearing was unfair as I was unrepresented through no fault of my own - judge would not reconsider nor allow an appeal.

Not only Did she ignore email evidence re company but her maths was wrong in her judgement which she also ignored.

@greenberet - what debts did your ex run up? What were they for? Why did your solicitor stop representing you - there’s only limited circumstances in which they can do so.

@zsasajuju - holidays furniture living the good life whilst claiming company going down the pan - she wouldn’t ask two questions to company valuer in words I wanted to use which would have confirmed she & barrister missed something right at the start - there had been a couple of issues and so she withdrew her retainer - breakdown in trust -

okay guys thanks for the replies I can see this thread has continued without me even posting it amuses me how some like to put me in my place without know the full facts.

I have never said I don't want to work full time, or that I am physically not able to. What I am not able to do is earn a huge salary if I work full time, I have no qualifications and I am not trained. I spent 17 years of my life running our home and bring up our daughters. My ex is abusive and violent and i finally after many years decided to divorce him, before anyone jumps on the band wagon I don't think that have any relevant in the financial resolution case.

So I have one child of 7 and one of 16 yes I know big age gap! thats life! I want to work full time, but my ex moved to france two months ago leaving me with 15£ in my purse, (this was after he blew 20K of money before leaving in about four months) and two kids to feed. I work part time at the moment, as I have no savings I had no money to pay for child care, any government body wants child care paid up front then they will reimburse. All well and good if you have to money to start with. My Ex as I have already said earns in excess of 100K he earns this money because I have looked after our kids for 17 years and enabled him to further his career. I couldn't and didn't as I looked after our kids and our home. I cant simply just get get a job paying big ££££ I dont have to earning capacity, therefore I cant get a mortgage and therefore if the house is sold I have to rent any equity which incidental is small would be blown in two years. My ex of course would be able to afford a large house, oh and dont forget he doesn't live in the UK so this would be overseas and still sees him expecting me to look after the kids so he can earn his big buck. So guy I am not looking for a house for me I am looking for a house so my kids have a home, as simply I have no choice. He just says the kids are not his problem. He says they will not go without then tells me he wants to sell their home. He floats in and out when he feels like it. his view is "He has to work" my view is Yes "so do I"

What frustrates me about some of the replies here is people making comments without the facts. I gave many years of my life to support this man and his life and now I want out, just because I want out that does not mean I walk away with nothing. He has pension in the region of 200K which yes I know I am entitled to half but he told me to go and take a running jump it tough luck we didn't pay a pension for me. Fortunately for me that is not how the law sees it. This is a man who expects to earn his 9K a month, not be responsible for housing his kids not be responsible for maintenance or share his pension. Now maybe just maybe you guys might see why I am going to court! and by the way it is the second hearing and I am aware it is a hearing for the judge to get us to settle and give his recommendations. What I do know for sure, is they wont leave him in a strong position and me in a weak position, as that simply is not fair. The judge rules via the matronal causes act 1974, which say both parties get treated equally.
Thanks everyone! my case is on Friday I will let you know who I go.

PS Btw, not only does he not want to pay any maintenance out of his 9K what he also expects to have two homes on in France and one in the UK and he expects us to go into rent accommodation!!! Wow what an amazing Dad!!

I am fully legal aided, and many people on here said oh on legal aid you'll never get that.

okay guys thanks for the replies I can see this thread has continued without me even posting it amuses me how some like to put me in my place without know the full facts.

I have never said I don't want to work full time, or that I am physically not able to. What I am not able to do is earn a huge salary if I work full time, I have no qualifications and I am not trained. I spent 17 years of my life running our home and bring up our daughters. My ex is abusive and violent and i finally after many years decided to divorce him, before anyone jumps on the band wagon I don't think that have any relevant in the financial resolution case.

So I have one child of 7 and one of 16 yes I know big age gap! thats life! I want to work full time, but my ex moved to france two months ago leaving me with 15£ in my purse, (this was after he blew 20K of money before leaving in about four months) and two kids to feed. I work part time at the moment, as I have no savings I had no money to pay for child care, any government body wants child care paid up front then they will reimburse. All well and good if you have to money to start with. My Ex as I have already said earns in excess of 100K he earns this money because I have looked after our kids for 17 years and enabled him to further his career. I couldn't and didn't as I looked after our kids and our home. I cant simply just get get a job paying big ££££ I dont have to earning capacity, therefore I cant get a mortgage and therefore if the house is sold I have to rent any equity which incidental is small would be blown in two years. My ex of course would be able to afford a large house, oh and dont forget he doesn't live in the UK so this would be overseas and still sees him expecting me to look after the kids so he can earn his big buck. So guy I am not looking for a house for me I am looking for a house so my kids have a home, as simply I have no choice. He just says the kids are not his problem. He says they will not go without then tells me he wants to sell their home. He floats in and out when he feels like it. his view is "He has to work" my view is Yes "so do I"

What frustrates me about some of the replies here is people making comments without the facts. I gave many years of my life to support this man and his life and now I want out, just because I want out that does not mean I walk away with nothing. He has pension in the region of 200K which yes I know I am entitled to half but he told me to go and take a running jump it tough luck we didn't pay a pension for me. Fortunately for me that is not how the law sees it. This is a man who expects to earn his 9K a month, not be responsible for housing his kids not be responsible for maintenance or share his pension. Now maybe just maybe you guys might see why I am going to court! and by the way it is the second hearing and I am aware it is a hearing for the judge to get us to settle and give his recommendations. What I do know for sure, is they wont leave him in a strong position and me in a weak position, as that simply is not fair. The judge rules via the matronal causes act 1974, which say both parties get treated equally.
Thanks everyone! my case is on Friday I will let you know who I go.

PS Btw, not only does he not want to pay any maintenance out of his 9K what he also expects to have two homes on in France and one in the UK and he expects us to go into rent accommodation!!! Wow what an amazing Dad!!

I am fully legal aided, and many people on here said oh on legal aid you'll never get that.

It’s a mans world and that’s why I thank my parents for the amount of time and money they invested in my education.
I would have suffered if I hadn’t this gift from my parents.
I made sure that I worked and built up my career.
Unlike my younger sister who choose against all advice to stay at home whilst he built his businesses now extremely comfortable but extremely unhappy husband has a child by another woman as well as any extras by the side.
He uses this control to hold her down.
I’m so sorry who would have known those years ago he would do this to you .
I pray things work out for you.I really do heard so many stories
Put in mind his salary isn’t that much so to speak if he plays the dirty on you .you might not get what you need.
And I can say some lawyers are not as observant as they should be fact.

Changeisahead, I don't think posters were being supportive and just trying to give you a view on outcomes based on their experience. Obviously we don't have all the facts but generally as Palaver1 says "it's a mans world" and Judges are less sympathetic than in previous years, due to a case in approx 2015.

"the judge sent a clear message that once children reach "Year 2" or age seven, there is an expectation that the primary caregiver will start part-time work and make a financial contribution"

The retrain period tends to be 3 years (thanks greenberet for the info).

I hope it goes well for you. It isn't fair that your children may suffer however it seems that woman are best advised never to give up work because should the marriage end you are faced with financial hardships.

Good luck

Yep I have always worked my whole married life my ex wouldnt let me not work I have worked two three jobs sometimes selling loft insulation and other rubbish, I have never once said I didn't or wouldn't work. You may say its a man world but there have to be fair and not award to one more than the other and I have to children that come first, lets see what happens. The judge has to follow the matrimonial causes act I know that for sure. Can you tell me as this is second hearing will any final decision be made tomorrow?

PS I never gave up work I just didnt focus on my career when I met him I had a career I looked after the kids so he could have his career, so I did rubbish jobs, so he could buy more things lol

Really do you think a divorce is about fairness.
It’s not and I use the ” things fall apart”.
It’s a bloody war.
As said I hope you get what you need but there have been others who haven’t .
You won’t be part of this crew hopefully.
Lm going through a divorce myself and I’m hoping things hold from the centre as In I get what I want I’m not asking for much though.
Just my pension ,a house ,life time support for my child who has special needs extreme..My card is my over 27 years of hard graft and my daughters needs .
I hope I do get what I need .

Good luck tomorrow @Changeisahead , let us know how if goes.
I hope you can get 'justice' or 'equality' but it's is just down to the whim of a judge, that's why it's such a gamble.
Glad to hear you have legal aid.....hopefully it will all end well.

Wow, this is a bizarre place! if there is something I have learnt over the years being married to an abusive violent man! Be factual
Palaver1 when did I ever say I didn't think this was a 'War" as you quote people judge on her they give personal opinion instead of facts. You have absolutely no idea what has happened in life the same as I have none of yours.

I had my second hearing and in actual fact I think the judge was fair. Im reaasonable, so whilst I claim I expect the world in reality I don't I as that would show a huge bias towards one person.

It was a second hearing and no agreement was reached so now we go to the a third. If it had of been my third hearing and the judge had ruled with what he did I would of been happy with my lot.

Courts do not rule unfairly. If others have not got what they want it was because they were reasons and it was unfair to give what they want. We each ask for everything in these situations as it is human nature to protect what we have and protect ourselves. I wish you luck

What I find hard to believe here is I came on he for factual answers I didnt really get them, what I got was opinions I didnt ask for them. above I asked if a ruling could be made no one answered me. I now know as we didn't come to a decision and agreement no ruling was made. Its the next hearing the ruling will be made.

But Thank you swissmilk for the well wishes it did go very well, but sadly my Ex did not agree with anything the judge said, so we go to a third hearing.

@Changeisahead

Just to let you know courts can be unfair - it can also be because your X lied and manipulated every aspect of your situation and the judge ignored evidence that confirmed these lies.

I had to represent myself due to my barrister not turning up at court - I was slaughtered in court - I had an additional further hearing with representation who claimed my hearing was unfair due to the circumstances

The judge would not amend her judgement - would not take into account the evidence confirming x lied or allow an appeal.

Hopefully you will not encounter this but like Palaver1 my divorce was a bloody war and I have had to make many tough decisions as a result.

I have complaints against the professionals involved - I will be writing to head of family law - my battle is still ongoing 5 years down the line!

Please please stop preaching........ my divorce too has and is been WAR! I was married to an abusive violent man! We all have our own battles. You battle is no worse than mine as it is important to each of us. As I said above no one know what we each go through! No divorce is nice so are much worse than others.

I am very sorry to hear about your troubles, but the court in my case was fair. The judge stated that the law states things should be brought on to an even level! Three of my friends are also going through the same and the court was also fair to them. They followed the Matrimonial causes act. If the court did not follow this in your case then it is wrong this is the LAW! You should complain.

May I ask if your barrister didn't turn up why you didn't ask to have the case adjourned. Surely you couldn't be prepared if your legal rep were not present.

We all have to make tough decisions, I made that when I decided to divorce! I have read so much on here and so many people trying to scare monger.

people told me on here you'll never get legal Aid I DID then they tell me court will be unfair they weren't either of the times. Dont get me wrong they didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear but that is different. Being unfair and not hearing what you want is not the same. If all this happened five years ago why haven't you written to the head of family law before now? Anyway Good luck with your continued battle.

I’m not preaching at you change I expected the law to be fair i believed it would be I believed my solicitor and then barrister would be fair -

Why haven’t I written before now - because my Mental health has not been in the right place to deal with it and everything else I’ve had to endure.

I really hope you get “fair”

No one is "preaching" at you, just trying to help by offering examples. It seems that being on a public forum is too upsetting for you right now, and therefore might be best if you step away, seeing as what everyone is saying just isn;t what is happening for you anyway. Best of luck.

@Changeisahead the thing is 'fair' is subjective and your idea of fair is probably very different to your ex idea of 'fair' which is why they didn't agree with the judge. The judge obviously thought similarly to you, but the FDR is not binding.
The Final Hearing you will get a different judge and they will not know what the judge at the FDR recommended, and this 2nd judge might think your ex's version of fair is more reasonable and you might be the one who thinks the ruling (which will be binding) is unfair.

I'm in a similar position and if I could retain 50% of the marital assets I will be fine, but me and my ex can't even agree what are marital assets, so we are at court.

I think this talk board is under-represented by people who had a fair outcome, and the majority of posters who have been through their divorces seem to have had judgements they don't agree with...I guess the people that are happy have moved on and don't post on divorce boards anymore?

I am frightened of going to court, because it is so uncertain (been forced there by the fact my ex refuses to divorce). But equally I know after the Final Hearing there will be an end to it.

Have you been given your Final (3rd) Hearing date yet?

Don’t post here everyone’s going along with you and your angry get your advice from a not public place like mumsnet and reread my inputs.
Your angry.
You didn’t pay for our advice go get it at the right place bloody cheek.