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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Stuck in this relationship. Can’t get away.

9 replies

BearsMummyXO · 15/08/2019 16:25

Hi there,
This is the first time ever posting something public about my life but I am just at my wits end and feel like I need some advice/support.
I have been with my partner around 2 years and we have an 8m/o together.
Previously, I got myself into some debt and o/h invited me to stay with him and his mum until I got myself sorted. During this time I fell pregnant and we made the decision to stay with his mum until we could sort ourselves out a place.
Long story short, my partner is very irresponsible. After 1.5yrs of trying to move out it still hasn’t happened due to his bad decisions with money. I have tried everything to make my partner see that he needs to be wiser with his spending if we are to ever move out. Also my MIL smokes in the flat so we are piled into one room. For this and my own sanity I NEED to move out.
I have decided that it’s going to happen with or without my o/h it’s his choice. (He will never be able to keep enough money in his pocket to save for a deposit, months rent etc.)
However... My problem is now that I can not move out as a single parent and I’m stuck here.
I obviously don’t earn enough to pass referencing for a private flat, no where in my area will accept me on universal credit and I have not been made homeless so the council will not help me. I have no where else to turn. I feel I have a responsibility to give my baby the best start for his development and unfortunately he is not getting that right now where we are.
I’m am falling into depression as I feel like I’ll never be able to get away from this lifestyle which is what I so sincerely did NOT want for my child. I can not make any decisions here, I can’t even take my baby downstairs to make myself some food. I do not have any money myself to get out and about instead. I feel I am trapped in a nightmare. All I want is what’s best for me and my son but I’ve no choice but to deal with the cards that I have been dealt. I often wonder what I’ve done to deserve this.

OP posts:
bluetue · 15/08/2019 18:52

You are making the right decision by leaving with or without him. He will never leave and if he does he will drag you down with his poor financial habits.

Is your debt sorted now? Do you have any job or source of income at all?

Itsnotme123 · 15/08/2019 20:39

Sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Does MIL want you there, is she happy for you to stay? Can you talk to her and see if there is compromises to be made to make it better for you ?

If she doesn’t really want you there, then would you have good grounds for social housing ?

Singlenotsingle · 15/08/2019 20:44

Will MIL write you a Notice of Eviction letter that you can take to the Housing Department at the Council?

BearsMummyXO · 16/08/2019 08:04

Hi, I am coming to my end of maternity leave and have a part time job to go back to. But I am still in debt! I still have about 1.5 yrs before a pay it all off, however I’ve had to take out payday loans for car failing mot, not enough food for the week etc. I feel like it’s now snowballing and I’m back at square one. This time with a baby!
Thank you for reassuring me that its best to leave without him. I’m just very upset I haven’t got the family unit for my baby that I have always dreamed of x

OP posts:
BearsMummyXO · 16/08/2019 08:10

Itsnotme - hi thanks for your reply. We are not on the best of terms and we never really have due to the fact she’s putting herself before her grandchild. Don’t get me wrong she is great with him but doesn’t understand why she can’t smoke in her own home. She doesn’t understand why I run down stairs stressing about my now 8 month old who is crawling! Who is upstairs on his own in a crowded bedroom while I make his lunch.
She does mention how she can’t have us here forever. She wants to retire and claim benefits!
I have looked into social housing however it needs to be on the grounds of homelessness or domestic violence to get me even anywhere near a council property in my area!

OP posts:
BearsMummyXO · 16/08/2019 08:12

Singlenotsingle - I could do this.. however I don’t no if I would be classed as intentionally homeless. That is what I am terrified of doing and then really having no where to stay!
I think I am going to get in touch with citizens advice. Just a very upsetting situation as I have never thought my life would come to this anywhere down the line!

OP posts:
Itsnotme123 · 16/08/2019 08:50

Citizens advice sounds a good place to go. Let us know how you get on. Best of luck. Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 16/08/2019 12:17

You're not making yourself intentionally homeless if MIL evicts you.

Palaver1 · 17/08/2019 07:13

She is not putting herself before her grandchild it’s her home.
Why are you making his lunch .you irritate her as much as she irritates you be angry at him not her.
Do you have family.

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