Today we got divorced

[MsNewChapter]

My Decree Absolute arrived in my inbox today after applying for it only a few hours earlier.

It's been an emotional day. After 8 months on the divorce process rollercoaster it finally stopped.

I feel very lost. A strange empty feeling like a part of my identity has gone, along with all my dreams and hopes of what we were supposed to be. This morning I was married (albeit separated) and now I'm single; only still with his name.

I was the petitioner. I know I've done the right thing. I've lived for almost a decade with a selfish narcissistic and emotionally unavailable bully; and now I get a second chance at life.

I was just wondering how everyone else felt when they got their decree absolute. Any tips on how to process this massive life change and heal would be really appreciated.

Onwards..... 🍷

No comparable experience to share but

Congratulations MrsNewChapter. I guess this is the beginning of the rest of your life. 8 months is short... my divorce has been going on for 16 months and still not sorted. Can you tell us about the procedure in your case ?

I’m sure someone will come along with divorce experience and paint a bright future.

Thanks both 

@Itsnotme123 I filed for the divorce based on my ex husband's (gosh first time I've called him that) unreasonable behaviour. I drafted my own particulars and filed for the divorce online at the beginning of February after separating in January.
Decri Nisi granted in May.
We then agreed our financial split between us and had a solicitor prepare a consent order. This was filed in June and only recently approved. I then applied for the absolute online, yesterday.
Our finances were pretty straightforward (just our home to really argue about) and we have no children.
I appreciate my divorce was "speedy" compared to a lot of others, and my heart goes out to you all. After 8 months I'm broken, totally and utterly exhausted and so disappointed at how our "forever" really turned out.

Like you say, it is a new beginning, I hope the future is filled with happiness and peace....I think we all just need a bit of kindness and peace after this process x

I felt low, lost and unsure of my identity I also felt some what a failure also embarrassed I couldn’t make my marriage work. I know completely stupid as I also had an ex that was the same as yours and 16 years we had been together 13 married. 2DCs I know it was the right thing to do and the marriage wouldn’t have lasted I believe when the DC had grown up left home he would have gone and left me with nothing. That was 5 years ago now.

Enjoy your new freedom and take your time.

Completely heartbroken. I filed for it but when it came I just cried and cried. It literally felt like the world stopped completely for a few minutes. Everything outside seemed to fall deathly silent even the birds in the trees.

I still feel a sadness. It is so final and the one person I wanted to put my arms around was him strangely enough which really hurt but it’s not as raw now (divorce completed inside 8 months and been divorced for almost 5 now )

@MsNewChapter I can understand your feelings. My solicitor has applied for my decree nisi and even that feels horrible. I have to keep reminding myself that my ex was horrendous to live with & I ended up totally depressed & broken. To be honest, he reminds me of that a few times a week when he shows his true colours.

I have written a list of dreams/goals for the future. Everything from places I want to go, books I want to read, hobbies I want to start etc.

I think we just have to get though this. I told my therapist I feel like I’m in ‘shut down’ mode, doing this for my future self!
Best of luck to you xx

No experience but Good luck for the future.

I’m reassured to hear that yours was completed in a short time frame. I’m hoping for similar.

@MsNewChapter which court did your divorce, my divorce has gone through relatively easily and my DN is being done on Tuesday however still waiting for solicitor to finalise consent order although all agreed so will need to be filed. Looking at the court we are under they are about 3 months behind on consent orders so sounds like yours went through quickly in comparison.

I’m sorry today feels strange for you but look at it as your new beginning, remember we only get 1 life and we have to live the best one. Be kind to yourself and look to the future xxxx

We separated in 1985, we didn't get divorced until 1998.

We sorted out the finances etc when we first split but it was reasonably amicable, most of the time, and I had no intention of remarrying so I didn't care. We finally got divorced when he wanted to remarry.

All was fine by me. - My nisi or absolute (genuinely can't remember which) came through on a day I went to someone else's wedding. I struggled not to cry all evening. I felt absolutely shit. I had never, even for a moment, regretted splitting up but it was still very emotional.

I got over it - I suspect the fact I was at a wedding so full of hope that made it so much worse BUT it is always the end of what started as a dream and is [nearly] always to be mourned.

I’m not heartbroken.
Mine was pronounced yesterday. I’ve been grinning like an idiot since I got the email.

My first thought was: I’m free.
And then, since yesterday, I’ve been thinking about who am I, what do I want.
I searched for a feeling of being alone/abandoned....nah, couldn’t find it anywhere.
I’m no longer dreading anything. Dread was a big part of my life.

We have a child together. Because of his actions, their relationship is fucked beyond repair. But DD is a teenager, I don’t have to have any contact with him whatsoever.

So.
How do I feel?
Stable. In control. Excited.

I’m planning on a year of ‘princessing’ the newly divorced woman.
Oh, and I’ve changed my facebook status to divorced 😂😂😂😂

I went out and drank champagne I was so glad to be shot of the twat. (That was 8 years ago and I've since remarried).

@SeaSidePebbles congratulations 🥂
Sounds perfect @chocolatesaltyballs22 and love your user name!

Well although today nothing really happens my Nisi has been agreed so effectively I can apply for absolute in 6 weeks and 1 day. I won’t be because of the consent order which hasn’t been put in yet (just waiting on the solicitor) but already I feel free, that dread feeling I know as well and that has almost gone. Guilt for making the decision was high but is slowly subsiding as I realise I have no control over my STBXH feelings and actions. If he chooses to continue to choose alcohol and other vices above our children then he will ruin their relationships and I have no control over that but will sure as hell make sure they are ok. What do they say happy mummy happy kids, the household is calmer the kids are less stressed and already I know we will be ok

I'm just starting the process but good to read these stories. Can I ask how you pay for it? Does it come out of the settlement or what??

Do you mean the divorce @pinkoctopus? I used a solicitor that has a fixed fee and pay monthly xx

itsallchange, thank you! And congrats on your nisi. Sorry to hear about your exH’s alcoholism, you made the right decision though.
pink, my exH divorced me. 2 years separation, £550, he stopped the maintenance to pay for it, the twat. He decided I should pay for it all, and to ensure I do, used the maintenance money for 4 months.