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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Anyone else felt relieved after separating?

15 replies

Keykeche · 12/08/2019 16:42

Hi ladies.

I just have decided to divorce my husband (yesterday).
Main issue him being controlling. I made a thread in the step families forum “Disneyland dad”. Last page. Don’t want to repeat it here too.

But, as soon as I arrived home I felt like a huge stone fell off my shoulder. Like I can breath.
I feel calm and peaceful.
It’s strange, as I really loved him. But now it feels like all the love is gone in one moment.

OP posts:
Treezylover · 12/08/2019 16:50

Yes, everyone is asking if I’m ok, and I feel slightly psychotic to be saying I’m fine, but it does feel like a weight was lifted as soon as I made the decision.

Potplant · 12/08/2019 17:00

I had the best night's sleep in a long time the day he left. I was desperately in love for a long time but once it was gone, nothing. A friend split up with her H shortly after and was signed off work for 6 months. My friend thought I was having a breakdown as I was so calm about it.

Still not out of the woods yet, I still feel a bit panicky when he comes to the house, but I definitely understand that sense of relief that it's all over.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/08/2019 17:04

Another one here who slept through the night for the first time in years the day he left. I think we tolerate nonsense for so long it becomes our "norm" and when they go its eventually a huge relief

1WayOrAnother · 12/08/2019 17:04

Yes I was extremely relieved & couldn't stop smiling. I had to be a bit careful because of the kids who were quite upset at the time. I kept going into a room by myself to smile & be happy. Then I would act sensibly in front of them. Unfortunately my ex looked through my messages a little while later. Found one to my friend that said I couldn't stop smiling. He was furious. I think he'd have been less angry if I'd had an affair rather than just happy to be rid of him.

1WayOrAnother · 12/08/2019 17:05

Glad you're ok OP. You've obviously done the right thing.

boymum9 · 12/08/2019 17:38

Yes, a huge sense of relief and calm, it's been 5 months since he moved out and I'm half waiting for a more difficult feeling to set in, but I just have the calm and relief, I was so worried about being at home alone most the time with my 2 ds but I'm finding it much easier than it was before

Original poster
Keykeche · 12/08/2019 19:48

My friends and family are more worried about it, than I am. I haven’t been this serene and sure about my life in ages.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 12/08/2019 19:58

God yes. I have a snap of me and my little boy in some sand dunes a week or so after I got out, in a massive wind, in big old jumpers. It reminds me so powerfully of the feeling of exhausted freedom. I felt like I had survived a shipwreck, so happy and so wrung out all at once.

14 years ago and a glimpse of that snapshot whirls me back every time. I remember being so intensely aware of the sand on my legs, and the dune grasses glinting in the sun and wind, and my tiny boy all warm and cuddly and happy.

Well done OP!

1WayOrAnother · 12/08/2019 19:59

Glad you're feeling ok OP. It's not all plain sailing but I have never once not felt that relief. When shit happens in my life I think 'at least I'm not still with ex H' when he's being a twat bout the kids I'm even more relieved he's an ex. Onwards and upwards OP.

Original poster
Keykeche · 12/08/2019 21:00

Thank you all for your replies.

I think this feeling will keep making me strong and not accept soon to be ex husband in my life.

OP posts:
NewMe2019 · 15/08/2019 21:22

Yep. Just relieved here too. DS has accusingly said he hasn't seen me look sad. I've tried not to be happy but I haven't been able to force myself to look upset. Probably huge contrast with ex who kept getting upset in front of the DCs. As a result they feel really bad for him and not for me at all.

Mittler · 15/08/2019 21:28

Nothing can ever match the relief I felt when I woke up the morning after telling controlling/abusive XH that I was leaving him.

It didn't last, though, as once it dawned on him that I actually meant it, he made everything very difficult (obstructive about money, told the DC the divorce was "my idea" and "my fault" - even though I left him because he abused them - slagged me off to all our friends, etc, etc. Unfortunately he's quite convincing, as borderline psychopaths can be).

Five years on, I'm starting to feel some degree of relief again. I hope yours continues without interruption.

fdlb · 15/08/2019 22:41

I have only felt happiness and relief since we separated. I feel like I am myself again and that I am in the sun after standing under a cloud for so long!

swissmilk · 16/08/2019 13:55

What f d l b said.
I feel like I'm walking in clouds the whole time. My life is very ordinary...but it feels fantastic to me!

boringornot · 16/08/2019 17:48

I haven't separated yet, but making the decision was a HUGE relief. Life's been better and I've been happier and lighter since.

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