Grief lost after three months of relationship ending

[Imjustsolost]

Hi. Sorry if this ends up all over the place. Was with my DP for 9 years and have one DC who is 7. We split up 3 months ago. I was grand until the last two weeks, adrenaline keeping me going maybe and now I’m in bits! Signed off work last week and this week I’m physically sick and I’m bits. I feel so lost and my life is f*cked up. Never thought I’d be 30 and still living at home in a job through an agency. Never changed and was paranoid (with no reason ever to be from me) and after we broke up he’s changed. Is doing all the things I asked him to, going out with friends, going to the gym etc as he never did that when together. I’m just hurting soo much for the future I had looking forward to, another baby I’d have loved (and now I feel old sad ) sorry I’m going on. We were always arguing near the end when he was moody etc. he used to smoke (not cigarettes) and has given up since and seems better. I feel so lost and broke and just can’t think straight my heads going to explode..

Dear Imjustlost, you did the right decision. People never change! Not for long, anyways. My STBEXH is a master at this.

Being controlling, emotionally abusive, unstable. Big fight. Mr. perfect for a while. Repeat. Only lately this Mr.Perfect stage lasted shorter sand shorter.
Until he told me, my two kids and our 3 year old daughter to “get the fuck out”.

He will be good now. And might even start begging for forgiveness. BUT. Remember, he is
NOT going to change. You left him for a reason!

You need to stay strong. You will manage. You have a job (even though it’s through agency). You have a child. Food and roof. And your freedom. To be yourself. Can you get some support from family? Friends? And, grieving is a normal process. You need to give yourself time to heal.

ALL will be good! Believe in it.

BRW. I’m 34. With 3 children. I go from a very good (financially) life to moving into my mother’s house and researching what car I can buy for 2,5K.

You are ONLY 30! My fuckuped sperm donor (not going to call him any other way, he sexually abused me as a child) died when my mum was 30. Leaving her with nothing and me - 9 year old girl. She had to fight her way through and work so damn hard. Crying in the shower and lying on the weekends in bed, not being able to get up.
Now she is a very successful businesswoman, running a huge company. Married for the second time. Don’t give up!

Im in a similar situation although my ex is the mother of our kids. She abandoned alk 4 if us 2 months ago and seems to be living her life whilst i struggle to support my kids here at home.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster and still struggle daily. I often just burst into tears. I still love her deeply and offered the world to come back to the family but all she wants is a man!
Wouldnt be so bad had she not lied about our relationship and promised she wanted to be together for ever!
But yes unfortunately she wont change and im deluding myself thinking having her back would work! Its very sad as the elder 2 kids are shuning her because she abandoned them as has not conbtributed since leaving.
I need to let go because i keep hurting myself by having hope she will return.
Its a really horrid situation watching the person you love with all your heart go off and find someone else. After 24 years of being cheated on, ostracised and abused its time i moved on but feel i dont deserve anybody else.
Good luck with your future and try stay strong x