50/50 custody & settlement? Need to educate myself

[Lostwords]

Not actually sure about divorcing, but also unsure about whether the marriage is working. Just to be more informed: is 50/50 custody fairly inevitable if that’s what he wanted? Kids are age 4 and just coming up to age 2. I’ve been a SAHM, though it was always planned that I’d go back to work part-time eventually. If we divorce it will be full time.

Also re the house which we bought together. We bought it when married and saw the money we put into it as ‘ours’ but actually most of it came from the sale DH owned before we were married. Would this be reflected in the settlement? Also he has higher earning potential than me, and could get a bigger mortgage.
Thanks.

the sale of the flat

how long have you been married.

11 years

Is 50/50 what he wants? What is in the best interests of the children?

Sorry I forgot to ask how much he earns

50/50 is generally the starting point when it comes to child custody I believe

In terms of financial settlement that can be trickier but also starts with a 50/50 split - your DH would be able to argue though that he put down a larger deposit and therefore is entitled to a greater share of the house however you did give up work for the children but sounds like you've only been out of the workplace for 4 years so returning without detriment to your career is much more likely than if it had been decades so don't think you'd be able to argue you had lost out financially too much other than some pension contributions

Ok, wasn’t sure if it’s likely he would be able to get bigger share of the house.

We’re not actually discussing divorce atm, and I hope it doesn’t end up going that way, but I just need to have a realistic idea of where I’d stand.

I had a complete career change and am not yet fully qualified in new career (though not far off), and the old career is one in which it is extremely hard to get back into if you have any time out (unusual I know), so I’m not in a great financial position, which makes me feel a bit scared if things with the relationship got worse.

50/50 isnt the starting point in the uk they seem to think a child having a permanent home benefits them more

Children do have a permanent home in 50/50 cases. In fact, they have two.

Courts recognise that a strong relationship with both parents is in the child's best interests, so - if both can commit to the practical arrangements necessary to make 50/50 work, amd for both parents to be there for the kids - there's a very good chance that would be granted.

They need to start speaking to the kids about this whole 50/50 thing.

My husbands parents split when he was 7 and they decided on 50/50. He's an only child. He said it was horrible going between two houses and he never felt truly settled.

I asked what he would of preferred and he said he'd of rather lived with his mum as his main home then saw his dad a couple of evenings a week for dinner then stayed over every second weekend.

He's 33 so this was a long time a go before mobile phones and facetime but he said if it was now, he'd have done as he said above and gave his dad a call or facetime every other night.

His parents actually lived in the same area as well but he said one of the main issues was that he couldn't properly make friends as the kids playing out near his dads house weren't the same kids as at his mums (they lived about half a mile apart) then he'd go out to play with the kids around either parents house and they'd talk about things they'd done but he missed out as he'd been away at the other parents.

It's a fairly newish thing to encourage 50/50 custody so I don't think they know the full extent of the impact it has on children. They will inevitably have different routines in each house due to possible travelling and each parents style of parenting and I just think it's not actually the best for them at all.

My sister does 50/50 custody with her son and ex and it seems to work ok for her but this has been the case since her son was about 1 years old so he can't remember it being different.

When they're a bit older, it's more complicated