Divorce / money / kids / help!!

[Jam28901]

Been separated from wife for 3.5 years.
1.5 years of this, she moved out and I lived in the marital home. She then proclaimed she was moving back in, so I left as I couldn’t stand the thought of living in the same house.

We have 2 boys, ages 8 and 11.

Long story short, I have filed for divorce under unreasonable behaviour - to which she agreed. She left me by the way, thought the grass was greener on the otherwise - then tried to come back when she found out I’d met someone knew. The divorce hasn’t gone to absolute yet.

We have 50% custody each of the kids.

However, I still pay her child maintenance £160 a month, ontop of her getting child tax credits etc. Because I’m scared she will stop me seeing the boys.

She takes home 33k per annum (not including child tax Ben). I take home 42k.

On going to mediation to resolve the house and get custody agreement court ordered, (I don’t trust her) it’s been made apparent she is in 29k worth of debt. To which, 18k is ‘maritial’ and I owe her 9.5k. Absolutely no idea how as she never paid a penny towards any bills/food/necessities while together. And she’s been to America, and centre parks 3 times this year while in ‘debt’.

Long story short, I want to sell the house. We have approx 43k equity.
Of this, I said she can have 29k to clear all her debts. And I will have the remaining.

However, she is saying no, as she cannot get a new mortgage as she has now put herself in a debt management plan.

I’m stuck on the mortgage now, unable to be removed as her credit rating means she wouldn’t be able to afford the house on her own if she wanted to pay me half the equity.

Someone please help me out with past experiences!

We will be going to court over this. Solicitors have been helpful but I’d love real life outcomes of what is likely to happen. Will I have to stay on her mortgage? Will they make her sell? Because she’ll claim it’s the ‘childrens Home’ is she likely to keep it? I now private rent by the way paying over the odds as I can’t get my own mortgage due to still being on that one.

Thank you 😊

No one can advise on this brief summary. From what you say I would think sale is likely, if only to clear the debt.

Selling the house makes sense, she'll be debt free, she can rent. Child expenses should be split 50/50 (eg uniform, clubs etc) and then no need for child support but

If you share the children 50% why don't you buy her out and move back in to the marital home and she can rent which she would have to do if anyway if you sold the property?

Try the wiki divorce forums loads of people put their experiences on there.

Try the wiki divorce forums loads of people put their experiences on there.

You need to get the child arrangement order sorted first, make that your priority. Also get a claim in for child benefit for one of the two kids or she'll use the fact she gets child benefit to claim she's the "main parent". Then stop paying maintainence (but I see your logic for paying it now).

The technical term for what she's putting you through is "financial abuse".

2boysdad

This is not "financial abuse".

The exw is not stealing money from the OP. She is not coercing money out of him or leaving him without any to live off.

Please do not take 2dads advice.
Making a claim for CB while one is already active is not that easy and will not solve or help your current problems.

Yes get a formal child access plan in place.
Then stop paying CM if you want to.
As for rights to sell the house only a judge can decide if you two cannot agree.

Your welcome to your own opinion PennysPocket, but I would say that someone who states they are paying a former partner for the following reason:

"Because I’m scared she will stop me seeing the boys."

Is doing so under duress. That's coercion. Plain and simple.

It's wrong.

No 2dads financial abuse is very serious and paying CM for your children is not financial abuse because if it were the 100,000 fathers that don't pay for their children and leave their DC and mum in poverty would be prosecuted for financial abuse.

The OP could at anytime in the last 3 years taken the steps for a formal child contact order so that he did not need to pay CM just to see his children. He has not been coerced he has chosen to do it this way instead of the available alternative.

You are clearly bitter and not in the best place to give advice.