Calls to my daughter each night what do courts say

[Changeisahead]

My Ex is insisting he speaks to my Daughter every night, it is intrusive and difficult, not even my daughter wants this level of contact. So far when he has called we were driving on the motorway at the doctors and then cinema (all different times of course) he suggested set times each day I don't want this either it means Im again controlled by him, and we have to plan our life around him, my daughter is not bothered as I say and does have good contact with him, every time I say she is busy he says he will raise it with his solicitor, and address it and I am stopping her from speak to him, Im not about of 1 month she has perhaps missed three days speaking to him

Is he being unreasonable. I am getting divorce and want some privacy to be with my children. otherwise what is the point of being divorced and trying to rebuild with my children

You are entitled to enjoy your time with dc. He would not get daily contact. He may get a solicitor to write to you his demands. Ignore until a judge tells him to back off.
Which they will.
When dc have their own phone they can decide to answer or not.
Secondary school age probably.

I have been having this trouble with my H (recently separated).

The dc are seeing psychologists who suggested that every night was too much.

I took the opportunity of being away to say to H by email that at the DC's request, and on their psychologists advice, they would speak to him every 3 days.

If course he emailed right back to say he has no way if knowing if this is true and that the dc are old enough to tell him themselves (early teens).

Luckily they did when they spoke to him that night, but I don't think they would have without me backing them up.

I agree its really intrusive even when it's a short call.

Dc1 manages ok, just ignores his phone if we are busy but it stresses dc2 out if he misses a call and I have to restrain him from calling or answering during dinner and tell him it can wait.

I would also be interested to know if this is yet another thing to get down in writing.

I disagree. You dont say how old your dd is, but wouldn't you want to speak to her every day if you were no longer living with her?

My dcs are 13, 11 and 5 and speak to their father at least twice a say. I understand about it not always being convenient but you wont set aside a time for him to call, and if he calls at random times hes in the wrong too. He's her father. Surely for the sake of their relationship you can tolerate a daily phone call?

My dc all talk to their dad each day on the phone.

In our case, it was set up long before we separated, due to exH’s long working hours (great dad, huh?), so they at least had some daily contact with him - he was out of the house before they got up, and back long after their bedtime.

So, now we are separated, the daily phone call continues.

Yes, he uses it as a way to bugger about. Not fixing a time (he is just far too busy and important), not always calling at a convenient time, etc. But overall, it’s a time for the dc to speak to him, if they want to. Eldest does, at length. Middle one does if the want something specific, but otherwise hates talking on the phone. Youngest mostly just says ‘hi, I’m busy, see you soon’. But it’s in their control.

He calls my phone, not the dc’s phones, although this may change as they get older (although I’m sure they’ll then often ignore the call, tbh)

I don’t always call the dc when they are with their dad, but I do if I haven’t seen them that day(so if they are staying more than one night) . I wouldn’t like to not have daily contact (or potential for contact) with them, it’s nice to just touch base, and I don’t see why he would feel any differently about this. Most importantly, I don’t wan the dc to think he feels any differently about this, and so for now, it works to their benefit.

Bookvan, my DD is 8 my ex is 8

Yes I will encourage a relationship with her dad of course but I am getting divorced for a reason. He is violent and abusive, if I had my way I would never set eyes on him ever again, but I cant make that decision as we have kids together, whilst I encourage them speaking every day is about him again having control and telling me what to do and when to do it.

He should of thought about this before he battered the shit out of me" sorry to be blunt, but its true whilst I m not punishing him I want some privacy to securely rebuild my life with my children.

And every day is intrusive. He should back off he just plays games telling me it is NOTED that I will not let her speak to him yet I haven't stopped him

HAHA that's not supposed to say my ex is 8 but believe me he acts like it at times. When I say we are busy and cants speak

Can you not get your child a cheap phone? My 8year old texts his dad most days via WhatsApp. Doesn't cost me anything and his phone is purely for games and contact with dad. Takes pressure off me.

Calls to MY daughter, you mean OUR daughter?

What would you want if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel if you couldn’t see your own child? Would you want daily contact?

My now OH’s EW wouldn’t let the children’s dad speak to them, including on their birthdays etc.

So it’s court ordered that dad can ring 3 x a week at a set time and the mother has to make the children available.

If she hadn’t been so difficult it wouldn’t have got to this.

Kids are now 10 & 14 and she she won’t allow the kids to ring dad anytime outside the court ordered times.

My advice - be flexible and keep it child focused.

Well not really we had an incident where dd was texting dad from my phone he claimed it was me pretending to be my dd and became quite abusive it was horrible.

I think he might try and buy her one as a way of control but seeing as DD lives with me it makes it intrusive all the time. I am never going to say she cannot speak to her dad I just want him to back off he always needs to make the rules.

My exH was abusive and controlling. A judge gave him twice weekly phone calls on set days between 6:30-6.50pm . And if DCs didn't want to talk they said Hi-Bye when gave them the phone, they hung up afterwards, I had no part in it other than pick up.phone and hand it to them at that stage. If he badgered,.they put phone down and walked away leaving call left open!! Can't force DCs to chat when they don't want to!
If he rang outside that time, judge said DCs didn't have to talk, unless they chose to ring him. Which they often didn't as he grilled them about me (what mummy was doing? who had mummy had round etc) which isn't pleasant for.DCs
He often forgot to ring and after a year we'd be lucky if he rang once every 5 weeks! Btw he didn't answer my twice a week calls when they were on holiday with him! So often controlling people are hypocritical.

So don't let him bully you.... No judge would make DCs talk to a NR parent every single night. If they wanted to ring him make sure they can, but otherwise, nip this in the bud. He can "take note" as much as he wants but he'll come across as a controlling arse at court by pursuing that line!

Nothernsplit

Yes OUR daughter you are correct but she is also MY daughter too, both are correct.

I'm not being difficult I just want some privacy he gets privacy. I should get the same. if the boot were on the other foot I would not expect daily contact it is ridiculous that right is given up on separation, that what happens when you separate things change otherwise wed still be together we aren't you mention the court awarded three days well that is reasonable and not the same as every day.

I want to rebuild my life and that will not happen with him peering down our necks each day. it unsettles my DD and we are all happy and then he starts. Please read above about the violence and abuse. My other DD who is a teenager stays with him sometimes I don't get reports of what is happening with her. This man is the sort of man that expects me to still do his admin for him even thought we are separated.

OP see my post. We had ultimately 8 judges over course of child contact case (he was abusive) and all said twice a week at 6:30pm and if he hadn't rung by 6:50pm, he'd missed his slot. So twice a week (I agreed the days around what we usually did) was fine to wait by phone
And you make DCs available don't intervene and insist they talk, leave them with the phone.

So no, a Judge wouldn't expect you to live your life around your ex and beholden to him every night. That's controlling and intrusive.

Northernspirit once again sticking up for the man even though he is an abuser. Your hatred of ex wives is so weird.

Northernspirit , presumably op hasn't beaten up her ex, I guess he'd see his children daily had he not been a violent asshole.

My ex tried this by the way. Also expected it to be 'private' eg I wasn't to be in the room. My dc hated it. Peppering with questions and getting pissed off if they weren't engaged enough or giving enough detail about their lives, if they didn't want to talk he'd call them liars and say i was making them say it. They would put the phone down too. As soon as they were old enough they refused contact completely.

My now OH’s EW wouldn’t let the children’s dad speak to them, including on their birthdays etc.

This has nothing to do with OP who is dealing with daily phone calls from a man who beat her up (did your dh beat up his ex too?)

I've yet to meet a 14 year old who only calls people mummy allows. Your dh's ex has some control over her children. Or is it that the 14 year old isn't bothered calling and it is easier to blame the mum?

It unsettled my DD6 to speak to either me or her Dad (depending on who she is with) much unless away on holiday.
She will occasionally want to text the other parent, but that's fine - it's just emojis, but daily calls can be unsettling; be led by the kids though, especially at their ages, but let it be led by them rather than their Dad.

Your DC is the same age as mine and he does not speak to his dad every night. Let him keep wasting his money on a solicitor, they cannot enforce anything without a court order. Simply email him and inform
him if he continues to threaten and harass you, you will let the court decide what is fair, and after communication with your DC will be limited until an amicable agreement can be reached.

@NorthernSpirit oh here we go again. You never stop do you? Always on these boards having a go at posters, always projecting.