How to plan to leave

[TidaQuel]

I’ve been suspicious for a while about DH and one of his colleagues. He mentioned he’d been out somewhere one day, just not somewhere you’d go alone. Then a few days later he was going above and beyond to help this colleague. A works bbq that we were invited to as a family, he said was now only him. Late night, early morning messages. Her calling but she’s got a cute nickname in his phone. I’ve read their messages, mostly deleted I suspect but a couple in her first language just saying they missed each other.
Confronted him, he denied it all. I didn’t say I’d seen the messages.
We are due to go on holiday in 2 weeks. I’ve paid for it, he has the spending money. The dcs are so excited I can’t bear to not take them.

We’ll need to work that out and quickly but it’s the next steps that I don’t know where to start with.

I’m in a job that I don’t enjoy and brings on a great deal of anxiety in me, I’ve already decided I need out of it. I’m a long way from family, who currently require a lot of support, elderly sick parent. Dc1 is about to start yr7. I have no friends or support here at all.
Do I just make a break, move closer to home and make a fresh start?
How do I work out how much my share of the house sale will be? Will I be entitled to any benefits or help with mortgage payments? How do I work out if I can afford to live? How can I find out which schools would have space for my dcs in September or October? Or whenever?
I feel like I need to have an idea of budget to know where I could move to. Then look at schools and then find a job.
All this on top of trying to keep normality going, working a job I struggle to get to and slyly packing up a house in preparation for a move.

I am sorry you have found yourself in this situation. It will be be very painful. Although I and others on here will have great sympathy for you and the situation, the legality of divorce and co parenting will not take account of blame. Added to which an overriding principle will be what is best for you children and their need to maintain a relationship with both parents.

I think you may need professional advice especially in relation to the move. But here are some guiding points.

Your husband can legally object to you moving a long distance away with the children. That you are moving them to an area where you don’t have a job, a home or school provision lined up with not count in your favour.

Your share of the house will depend on your circumstances and the extent of co parenting. How much you both share parenting is a very significant issue in the final determination of money. Which is why your intended move may be fought over. Leaving that aside, the resident parent or one who has career sacrificed often gets a larger share. This will be instead of spousal maintenance which is very uncommon these days.

Once separated you can claim child support. The amount will depend on the extent of co parenting. Again the issue of you move becomes pertinent.

Your entitlement to benefits will depend on your circumstances.

I don’t know much about your husband and how is as a father. However I think it is wrong to move children away from a parent unless that parent is negligent or abusive. The children are entitled to a close relationship with their father and their mother. That’s what you both signed up to when you had them.

Selling houses and sorting finances is usually a long process. My children wanted everything to stay the same it’s hard enough for them to deal with separation without moving away from their dad, school and friends. It’s hard to see now but if you can coparent well then you will get time off when the children are with their Dad which will give you breathing space you probably don’t feel you have now when you are juggling everything. You can claim benefits as soon as you separate even if still living in same house. There’s various websites that do calculations for you eg entitledto.com. Child maintenance will depend how much time the children spend with each parent. Can your parent relocate to near : with you? Can your husband afford to move out? Can you afford to take over the current mortgage (usually cheaper option than renting)? Your husband could apply to court to stop you moving or changing the school.