Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Wish I could do it at once! Need help holding on for months.

7 replies

boringornot · 22/07/2019 23:07

Told DH many times that I'm unhappy and thinking of divorce, he refuses to acknowledge it, and gets angry. So I decided to wait until the end of the year, when we may be able to move to a different city, to tell him. (long story. We are from overseas, have lived in London for 12 years, have moved to an European country one year ago and may move to another soon - where I have contacts and friends. We are that typical "third culture" families you'd find in international schools).

I don't have any patience left for DH, and sometimes I think it would be better to do this at once, and start the "new life" for all of us. DC are 9yo and 6yo and they don't know anything different from bickering parents, which is shit. And DC1 worries about having to change schools (but we may not be able to pay the private school after new year, anyway, so no point staying where we are). I wish I could just take the bandage off at once, instead of waiting 5 more months.

Anyway, I need patience and support to hold on for 5 months, while I get things sorted. Any tips? Thanks!

OP posts:
user1486131602 · 22/07/2019 23:11

Then don’t wait.
You are going to have to use all your courage and strength to leave and make a new life, why wait until you have used all your strength just putting up with things?
Your children will adapt, all the want is consistency love and peace.
Do whatever you need to do to get that for yourself and them
I wish you well x

boringornot · 22/07/2019 23:18

Thanks @user1486131602, but I have no income, so moving out right now wouldn't be wise. I have used all my strength on the last 10 years, trying to improve this marriage and trying to make DH see what made me so unhappy (didn't work). I think giving up on the marriage has released me. But I can't move away right now, I really need to do it carefully.

Thanks for the support, though :)

OP posts:
user1486131602 · 23/07/2019 12:10

Good luck 😉

Palaver1 · 26/07/2019 07:10

Yes organise yourself brush up on any certifications that might be off benefit for a job in the future.
All the best it’s not worth staying in a union that’s not a union.

boringornot · 26/07/2019 23:26

@palaver1 I agree, but it's so hard! So many practical issues to deal with. And some guilt. Argh! But I know it's the right thing to do, thanks for the support!

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 27/07/2019 09:03

No quilt 26 years wasted for me do not think of the quilt I knew i shouldnt have stayed but did and had my ASD child even though I should have left before that .
Please it can be hard but my gosh once its done youll see what living really is

Tiddleypops · 27/07/2019 21:40

Use your energy to focus on those things you will need, practical things. And focus on looking after yourself. Being in your situation is so hard and you deserve to be happy, try to be kind to yourself.
Waste no more energy on him, or worrying, or guilt. 5 months is a long time to wait, but I can see your reasons. What about in 5 months though, will you be thinking that you can't leave because you've just moved or other reason?
I put it off for far too long, but equally if I hadn't been quite ready in my head, it could have resulted in too-ing and fro-ing which could have caused a lot more pain for DC. Good luck Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread