How to get out of the mortgage trap

[jb89999]

I've been separated a year. During this time I've been having the kids (who i adore) over at least twice a week at my small flat I'm renting. They live with their mum in our family home. I pay £2000 a month for the mortgage and my separated wife pays me £500 'towards' the mortgage. The direct debit for the mortgage comes out of my bank account.

I earn a high salary, suffer from severe mental health problems (have been referred due to extreme stress), received 5 years worth of ongoing counselling due to my wife bullying me for this period during our marriage) and taking into account my net £1500 payment to my wife I'm having to also cover another £1500 per month on my own rent. I'm on a StepChange Debt plan because i'm £40k in debt.

Basically it's killing me.

The Child Maintenance Service have told me that I should be paying £1170 per month.

So I want to say to my wife I cannot keep being punished like this financially and instead of paying the £1500 net I want to pay the £1170 as deemed the right amount by the child maintenance service.

However she is refusing to accept this and wants even more money.

My quandary (And please if there are any lawyers out there help!) is that I cannot cancel the mortgage direct debit as that shows that i'm stopping paying the mortgage! I suggested to my wife that she take over the direct debit and I pay the Child Maintenance Figure on the 10th of every month (The £1170) and then she pays the £2000 mortgage on the 15th every month. It is of course a reduction of £330 a month but this is fair in my opinion as each month I am totally running out of money and can't live properly.

Do I cancel the direct debit and start paying the child maintenance into her account even if she is 'not accepting it' ? This has been going on 6 months now and it is killing me both financially and mentally.

I buy the kids loads of clothes, pay my son's mobile phone bill, take them out, get them tons of stuff. I feel like i'm being bullied and blackmailed.

Thoughts and advice please!

You need to crack on with the divorce. See a solicitor to put this in motion and to discuss a reasonable financial division. The family home will probably need to be sold to enable you both to buy smaller properties.

Move back into the family home and start divorce proceedings to settle finances.

She clearly can’t afford, or does not want to afford, to pay the mortgage on her own. You also cannot carry on in this manner.

You need to commence divorce proceedings and settle the finances rather than trying to negotiate with someone who you feel has unreasonable expectations. It’s the only way to be free of these issues without it impacting further on your personal credit history. You do not want a mortgage default!

Child maintenance is only about 20% of your income, is there not a cheaper option for you to live? Can she afford the extra money? The im sure she's spending more than 20% of her income on the kids. The debt is a problem but without seeing your complete outgoings I cannot comment on whether it's reasonable for you to reduce and what else you could cut. The kids didn't ask for the split, and generally cms calculate low amounts meaning you are earning very substantial amounts each month

Have you even spoken to a solicitor?

Try and keep your mental health issues out of it. Just concentrate on the hard facts about your family finances.

You do need to get on with the divorce and final financial settlement. I'm in a similar situation, except that I am trapped in the faily home paying the mortgage that I can't afford. I am pressing on with divorce so I can sell the house and we can both rehome ourlseves in affordable properties.

No fair financial settlement will have one parent forced into debt to pay for the other to be housed if there are other, more affordable options.