Today was the day

[sparklgirl]

That I was super honest and told my DH I don't love him. Married for 16 years and for the past five years I have tolerated the controlling behaviour, zero sex and no respect. We have two DD and after hearing my youngest cry to herself because of the arguing at night and drawing pictures of mum and dad arguing. I have been pushed into being this honest with him and he has gone. He has booked into a hotel for two nights and I've had the sobbing phone calls. He will do anything to mend our relationship. Even the counselling that he refused two years ago. He believes he can come back to the home on Monday and bite his lip and make this work.
I feel like I've ripped the plaster off and I need to run with this. I can't have the toxic home life again. I said we can only move forward if we have the space between us and look at some counselling.
Now he works from home and he said he will need to come back to the house for work. I did say that I understand that, but does this really need to happen? Help x

Well done for making that decision. I did recently and although it has got worse I know in time it will get better. I felt like once I’d said it there was no going back and I knew nothing he did would ever make me want to be with him anymore. Is there an option for you to move out? What’s the situation with the house and finances.? I’ve lived with my STBXH for the whole time and we’ve now got into a normal separate lives but I can’t bloomin wait till he’s gone. I think the next step would be to get all your info together and get a 30 mins free solicitor appointment and see where you stand and then take it from there. Well done for being brave, it won’t be easy but it will be worth it xxxx

Working from home can do this, not that it's your sole issue from the sounds of it. It forces you to be constantly around the person versus getting a chance to miss them and look forward to meeting up again when you/he arrive at home in the evening/after work. I had this happen. It was one reason for relationship breakdown, but mainly because he was toxic, abusive, did not have sex with me, and showed me little to no affection. So I can understand where you're coming from. Hugs.

Do you have family you can stay with? Can he start renting out an office to work from instead? You need time to yourself, as does he. You also need time to plan and organize without him in earshot or hovering over you.