Emotionally detached

[Stripes66]

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 11 years and have 7 year old twins together. We’ve had many bump since in the road especially during the last few years. He’s constantly stressed and blames work but he was stressed when he was in his old job. The problem is, is that he allows it to spill into our lives and so our weekends are dictated by his moods. I work full time too and feel like my weekends are robbed from me and hate being at home, which sounds really horrible. I dread coming home from work. Last weekend he got himself into a state because of something and shouted and screamed at me after I tried to help him. I was then told that it’s my fault that he reacted like that because ‘I push him to.’ To be honest, I’m exhausted. None of this makes much sense but the fact that it’s ongoing and up and down is exhausting. I detached myself from him a while ago because I can’t trust him not to upset me if I let my guard down. It’s exhausting living like that. I’ve told him that I want a break and that I want to think things through but I genuinely don’t think he gets it. He went away for two nights and he’s back and is acting like everything’s normal again. And I’m now this cold person who doesn’t want to engage in chat or even look at him. I feel completely resentful and bitter and to be honest, I don’t like who I am at the moment. I know this isn’t me either. Did anyone else feel like or become like this at the end?

I could have written your post. In the end his inability to separate work stress coupled with his anger issues meant I was so exhausted after 8 years of it that I filed for divorce in February. Life really is too short to dread coming home to the person you should be most excited to see.

Thank you for your reply @MsNewChapter.
It’s such a grey subject and so difficult to explain so it’s nice to have someone understand! Some people live like this forever but I cant understand why they would? I can’t become that woman who fizzles away into the background, walking on egg shells.

I could have written this, I was broken to the verge of a mental breakdown, and booked to see a therapist. In the meantime I’ve asked him to leave. When I saw the therapist and explained what had changed, he asked why me emotions didn’t relay the awful experience I was going through. I explained that all I feel is joy, and relief, like the black cloud isn’t going to be around any more. I’ve gone in two weeks from feeling like I was losing my mind, to actually feeling happy again. No advice, but I’ve waited and waited for it to get better, and it just got worse, until now.

I made the decision to split in Feb not planned just happened but goodness it feels good. I also realised things were a lot more shit than I let on. I agree people do settle and carry on in a non existence but I decided I was worth more and my children deserved a mummy that believed that, instead of one who did everything felt undervalued, unattractive and unloved. Once I’d said it I knew it was right and look forward to my new beginning. Life is for living xxx

I also could have written this.
The post above mine explains exactly what I'm feeling like.
Completely detached myself from him emotionally and and quite shocked at how I have a complete lack of feeling towards wanting to keep trying to make things work.