Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Men left because you are passed a childbearing age.

28 replies

Bluez · 07/07/2019 04:58

Wonder if anyone has similar experience and how do you cope with men leaving you because you can't have kids anymore?

OP posts:
HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 07/07/2019 05:02

That's their decision and not really much you can do about it. Just enjoy your life of doing what you please when you like and sleeping when you want and not being constantly tired or broke smelling of wee and stale milk !

Bluez · 07/07/2019 05:17

I really liked that guy. But he is 5 years younger. It took me SO long to finally find someone I really really like and that he likes me back. He and I clicked so well and is so compatible together. Amazing chemistry. Never a fight. Always laughter. Then suddenly he told me he had to regretfully end it here because he wants kids. I just find it hard to move on. And wonder if any of you have similar experience and how to deal with it?

OP posts:
LifeContinues · 07/07/2019 06:16

Then suddenly he told me he had to regretfully end it here because he wants kids

Was adoption considered?

Bluez · 07/07/2019 06:39

No, we just met recently but we hit it off right away. Everything went so well. He wants his own kids. I don't blame him. It is understandable. I'm just very very sad, and wonder how anyone could cope with this if wanting kids is something irreconcilable due to my age...

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 07/07/2019 06:42

He isn't the right man for you

KatherineJaneway · 07/07/2019 06:44

Sounds like an excuse to me to hide the real reason.

newmomof1 · 07/07/2019 06:53

Yeah if there's only a 5 year age difference it sounds like an excuse to me too

Bluez · 07/07/2019 06:57

Not just because of the 5 years age difference. But because I am WAY pass child bearing age. But we were sooooooooooo happy and always laughing and very very compatible and we were intimate too but he never took advantage of me.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 07/07/2019 06:59

He would've known when you started out that you were too old to have kids. If you're WAY past it, he's probably fairly past it. If he hasn't had kids by now I doubt that it was that much of a dealbreaker. Sorry OP!

LolaSmiles · 07/07/2019 07:01

I don't agree that it's an excuse. People's attitude to children can change, did the OP and her DP agree that this was a long term child free relationship or was it a relationship that's developed and after a period of time he realised he's not happy being child free forever.

Ultimately, as we see on here all the time, people have the right to make the decisions they want regarding having children. If having or not having children is a deal breaker then there is no long term future for the relationship.

I appreciate it must be tough for you though OP. Flowers

smallereveryday · 07/07/2019 07:06

What ages are we talking about OP ? 44/39. ? Then I think you are being harsh on yourself. My ndn has just had her first naturally at 46.
53/48 ? Then he is seriously kidding himself that he will find a compatible 35yr old (or younger ) who wants to breed with a bloke who will be nearly 70 when first child goes to Uni...

Seriously OP.. he is an idiot. You have had a close shave.

BillywilliamV · 07/07/2019 07:06

20 years ago I ditched a bloke because he had had a vasectomy. Nearly had a nervous breakdown because the decision was so tough, but wanting children is not something you can compromise on.
Your ex has been honest and honourable and I am sure he is sad too. Take comfort from that and try to move on.

ColaFreezePop · 07/07/2019 07:19

Sorry to break it to you but in your case you need to find someone who already has children plus have the conversation about having more children about 2 months into your relationship.

I got similar dating advice decades ago to avoid men who didn't want children if I did and vice versa. It does mean if the person is unsure you either dump them immediately or risk heart break in the future.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 07/07/2019 07:23

Not everyone who doesn't have children wants their own. DH is quite happy that he had a ready made family and got to miss the baby stage. You can't rule out child free people based on this man.

Bluez · 07/07/2019 07:29

Thank you all for the kind comforting words. Yes it is very tough for me as I really really like him. But it is true, if he wants kids, this is not something I can compromise on due to my age. And yes, we are in the range of 40/45

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2019 07:36

Of course it doesn’t sound like an excuse- on
Mn if a man says he doesn’t want kids the the woman does everyone tells her to move on.
This man clearly has decided his want for
biological kids is too strong to ignore. He hasn’t done anything wrong and id be sad but focus on the fact there’s nothing you could do

Afteryoux · 07/07/2019 07:41

Well he needs to go out with women ten years younger then. That wasn’t fair on you.

LolaSmiles · 07/07/2019 07:47

I agree @onlyfoolsnmothers
At 40-45 there are still couples having children, but it may take longer.
If he wants to have children then he's done the right thing by ending the relationship.

Bluez · 07/07/2019 07:52

Ya I really dont blame him. If he was my friend or my brother, I would have told him the same thing to leave me and find someone within childbearing age.

Any one of you ever experienced what I am experiencing now? You finally found someone you really really like and compatible with at a late age 45 but realized it's hard to have kids and he wants kids? What would you guys do and how to cope? I feel I wont be able to find someone with such chemistry and such compatibility. I really really like him. And I feel that he likes me too. But men are men. Their rational side could take over their emotional side much easier than women do.....

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2019 07:58

Do you want kids OP? Moving forward personally I’d date men who already have kids.

Number3or4 · 07/07/2019 08:12

This happened to two dm freinds and a dsis in law. One fought for her marriage and her dh got an ow pregnant. Now that was a disaster. The other two, one was in a long-term relationship but after witnessing what happened to the other one told him to go.

Dsis in law who already had kids and didn't want anymore just showed him the door. She is a bit straight to the point. She didn't fancy having kids to three different fathers. She already had two ex she needed to chase after to see their own kids.

There is still possibility for you to have kids, but don't have kids to please someone else. He was honourable in the way he finished the relationship. Which makes him seem more attractive I understand but this is better for you that he don't waste anymore of your time. You still have time to find someone just as good or even better.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/07/2019 08:37

It's one of those ways life isn't fair the way women are tied to a biological clock and men aren't. I agree maybe it's best to date men who already have kids or who have had vasectomies.

sincethereis · 07/07/2019 08:50

It’s sucks but he’s done the right thing. No one should sacrifice having kids for anyone else.
Flowers
@smallereveryday 46 is absolutely ancient for anyone woman to be having kids so I don’t think it’s a normal situation to be recommending to OP.

loosestrife · 07/07/2019 09:01

I just now registered with MN (after years of lurking) to add a message here because yes OP, that did happen to me, almost exactly, in 2015. He already had a son with an ex. I'd been on my own for years and had become very good at solitude. Neither of us had intended to become so deeply involved but we were such a good match on the surface like you, "amazing chemistry, never a fight, always laughter" that we grew very close despite ourselves. Like you, I couldn't blame him for what he felt: he had a deep, primitive longing for more kids. But I'll be honest, I felt devastated when he backed out.

You asked how to cope. I don't know. It was hard. I just did the usual things: kept busy, exercised a lot, visited distant friends and family. It took a while but eventually I started to feel a little better. He and I had been friends originally, and found that after some time we were able to remain so. And then to my surprise I connected with someone else. The new man's kids are grown, and he's a much better partner for me in every way.

I say this without even a whiff of schadenfreude but four years later I'm happily engaged and the man who left me still hasn't found anyone to have those kids with.

It'll hurt for a while but you'll be all right. Message me directly if you like.

Bluez · 07/07/2019 22:03

Thank you so much everyone. It is truly painful for me now. I also know I can rely on no one. I will hand everything to God.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread