How do you stop what?
From what you've written, it sounds as though you perhaps accused him of an affair that he wasn't actually having? That may be where the suggestions of controlling behaviour by you come from.
It's hard to tell from what you've written what really happened when he recorded you. Just how severe was your behaviour when you "kicked off"? If he's laughing at you, then of course he shouldn't be doing that. But was your response disproportionate?
Ultimately, you are responsible for your behaviour. He is responsible for his. You need to stop reacting if he laughs or whatever. Document it, for court. But stay calm. Behave in a way that would always stand up before a Judge as an appropriate, mature way of behaving, that puts the kids first. That's your responsibility - "he made me do it" doesn't wash as an excuse for aggressive behaviour. So take ownership of your own actions.
Take steps to get contact onto a stable footing. You need to agree a regular pattern of contact with him, that you will both stick to. Involve a mediator or solicitor in that if you need to.
Limit flash points, if you two are unable (unwilling) to behave appropriately around one another. Conduct handovers in a way that limits your involvement with one another.
If you do have mental health issues, make sure you're getting treatment for those.
Ignore what he is saying to other people. Lots of people, when they're separating, go around bad-mouthing the other. People generally take it with a pinch of salt. You can't stop him, so focus your energy on the things you can control.
That means constantly putting your children first. In everything that you do, and every interaction you have with your ex, ask yourself what's best for the kids BEFORE you act / respond / retaliate / whatever. If you can do that consistently, things usually work themselves out.